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how to make my husband love me

Last updated: 25th January 2007
Question ID: #3652
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25th January 2007

we have been maried 17 years have kids but since our mariage ,my husband does not once even love me ,i have been treated like a servant whether i live at susral or separately,i do everything which i could do for him,house work,i sell my jewllery for money,what more i could do but instead he never say i am good,but say to every body that i am a bad person,all i wanted to ask that what should i do to improve my situation,i need urgent reply please.

Ulamaa ID 09
Answer last updated on:
23rd July 2007
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 09
Location: Zambia

Assalaamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuh.

May Allaah reward you for you loyalty towards your husband. After marriage the most important person in the world for a woman is her husband. And obedience to him as long as it does not conflict with the Shariah, is very important. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said:

*"If I were to command anyone to prostrate (make sajdah) before anyone other than Allaah, I would have commanded the wife to prostrate before her husband." (Ahmed)

*If the husband oders her (his wife) to transport stones from a yellow mountain to a black mountain and then from the black mountain to a white mountain (i.e from one mountain to another), then too it will be appropriate for her to do so. (Ahmed)

It is understandable, that continuing to be loyal under circumstances where the husband does not show any sign of appreciation or love can be very difficult. May Allaah reward you for your patience. However, give it a little more time before seeking refuge in divorce or anything of the sort. The most despicable of lawful things in the eyes of Allaah is divorce. Show him that you can be more than someone who is there to simply cook his food and see to his needs. Try and become his friend and companion. Maybe you can speak to him in a nice way and ask him why it is that he still feels you are bad despite all your efforts to please him. Maybe there is some habit of yours that you are unaware of which is displeasing to him.

In order to create love in his heart you can try the following:

1) Recite the following verse of the Qur'aan 99 times and blow on any sweet edible thing. Repeat this for 3 days. Thereafter both husband and wife should partake of it.

و من ايته ان خلق لكم من انفسكم ازواجا لتسكنوا اليها و جعل بينكم مودة و رحمة.ان في ذلك لايت لقوم يتفكرون

Transliteration: wa min aayaatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusikum azwajal-litaskunoo ilayhaa wa ja'ala baynakum mawaddataw wa rahmah. inna fee zhaalika la-aayaatil liqawmiy-yatafakkaroon. (ar-Room, 21)

(Taken from Qur'aani Mustajaab Du'aaein - Published by Darul Uloom Kanthariyah)

2) Alternatively you can recite these verses and and blow it on any sweet edible thing and feed it to your husband. InshaAllaah this will create love in his heart towards you:

هو الذي ايدك بنصره و بالمؤمنين و الف بين قلوبهم. لو انفقت ما في الارض جميعا ما الفت بين قلوبهم. و لكن الله الف بينهم. انه عزيز حكيم

Transliteration: Huwal-lathee ayyadaka bi-nasrihi wa bil-mu'mineen. wa allafa bayna quloobihim. law anfaqta maa fil-ardhi jamee'am maa allafta bayna quloobihim. wa laakin-nallaaha allafa baynahum. innahu 'azeezun hakeem. (al-Anfaal,62-63)

(Taken from A'maal-e-Qur'aani - By Hadhrat Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi R.A)

I pray that Allaah resolves your matter soon. Do not lose hope and turn to Allaah as it is only Allaah who can ease all matters.

And Allaah knows best.


NB. Please refer to Qur'aanic text when reciting the verses in order to ensure correct pronunciation.