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hubbys rights (private)

Last updated: 19th December 2006
Question ID: #3382
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19th December 2006

my hubby xpects me to giv him plesure evryday(ie sex) saying its his right that i shud obey him but sometimes its really frustratin and tiresome and if i complain he just says its my right...evn when im on my periods he expects me to masturbate him etc to satisfy him and nw its jus getting too much. he even makes me giv him oral... i know this is wrong but he says its ok and theres conflicting views on this.... my question is, is it my right to satisfy him everyday???

Ulamaa ID 04
Answer last updated on:
24th April 2008
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 04
Location: London

Al-jawab billahi at-taufeeq (the answer with Allah's guidance)

Abu Huraira (RA) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “By the one in whose hands is my life, there is not a man who calls his wife for sexual intimacy and she refuses him except that Allah becomes angry with her until her husband is pleased with her.” (Sahih Muslim, No. 1436)

It should be remembered here that, the wife must obey her husband in his request for sexual intimacy unless she has a valid reason. She must obey him as long as she does not have to forego her own rights. As such, if the wife is ill, fears physical harm or she is emotionally drained, on periods etc; she will not be obliged to comply with her husband’s request for sexual intimacy. Rather, the husband would be required to show her consideration.

Allah Most High says:

“On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear.” (Surah al-Baqarah, 286)

Many times it is observed that the husband demands from his wife to fulfil his sexual needs no matter what state she is in, and uses Hadiths to impose himself over her. If the wife is not in a state to engage in sexual activities and has a genuine and valid reason, and the husband forces her, then he will be sinful.

Finally, these matters should be resolved with mutual understanding, regard for one another, love, gentleness and putting one’s spouse before one’s self. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) has reported to have said: “None of you can be a true believer until he loves for his brother/sister what he loves for him” and the importance of this is even greater in a marital relationship.

And Only Allah Ta'ala Knows Best.