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Husband attending jamaat for 40days every year

Last updated: 26th June 2006
Question ID: #2013
Short URL: http://qa.muftisays.com/?2013
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karimah
26th June 2006

 
Asalaam,

Mufti Saab, My husband attends Jamaat for 40 days every year and I wish to go to my parents house to live with them during these 40days - is this permissable?
I wish to stay with my parents with the intention of doing their kidmat during my husbands 40 days (i have no children either) as i do not get the opportunity to do so in my daily life - I live in a different town. My husband is adamant that I have to stay at home with his parents - only then will I be rewarded as he will.
Please can you shed some light on this - sometimes I think that men don't understand how hard a sacrifice it is for women to move away from their parents once they get married.

Jazakallah




Answer
Ulamaa
Ulamaa ID 03
Answer last updated on:
12th August 2006
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 03
Website
Location: UK
Assalamu'alaikum w.w.

There are two separate issues to consider here.

Firstly, the Shar'ee rights of a wife in visiting her
parents as mentioned in our Hanafi texts such as
Shami, etc, and secondly what is preferable for a
Muslim husband and wife in sacrificing their rights to
please the other in order to make the marriage as
blissful as possible.

As this stage, I do not wish to go into the the Fiqhi
technicalities of how often you can visit your parents
and what are the conditions, etc.

Hazrat Mufti M. Taqi Saheb (D.B) has written that if
marital life is confined within the the thorns of
legal technicality, the household of both the husband
and wife will be doomed. (Islahi Khutubaat, Part 2)

Hence, it is essential that both the husband and wife
go out of their way in understanding each other's
happiness and make an effort to lead their lives
accordingly.

As for your particular question, Islam has not
burdened a wife to serve her in-laws. Rather, a Muslim
wife will carry out this service as an honour upon
herself knowing well that this is going to please her
husband and thus make her own marital life a pleasant
one.

The husband should also appreciate the wife's services
towards him and his parents and whereever possible
show his gratitude by allowing her certain priveleges
from time to time provided they do not contravene and
aspect of Shar'iah.

In your particular case, I advise your husband (unless
their are any shar'ee concerns on his part) to allow
you the privelage to spend time at your parents house
while he is out for 40 days.

As for yourself, if you feel his parents are in need
of your service, you should accept a compromise and
spend 20 days with them and 20 days with your parents.

You should try to ascertain why your husband is
insisting on you staying at his home. It is possible
he may have genuine reasons.

However, if he considers this to be a 'rewarding
sacrifce' simply because he is out in Jamaat, is
incorrect and his thought is in need of rectification.

My advise to you is that you should keep husband's
happiness before everything else and persevere with
patience.

Your husband is Masha-Allah, fortunate to spend time
in Allah's path. He is aware that the purpose of this
is so that he can reform himself as well as remind
other Muslims of their duty towards Allah (SWT).
Part of reforming one's character is to show kindness
towards one's wife.

I also advise your husband to form Islahi links with a
reputable Shaikh so that these day-to-day issues can
be rectified in accordance with the teachings of
Shari'ah.

Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) has said,
"The best among you are those who are the best towards
their wives."

Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) is a perfect
role model for all Muslim husbands to emulate with
regards to his kindness and noble character towards
his wives.

There are many instances where Rasulullah (sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam) tolerated the demands of feminine
self-esteem and honour with patience and generosity.

I strongly advise both of you to study the relevant
chapters of 'Rights of Husband and Wife' from Mufti
Taqi Saheb's book 'Islamic Discources'. Insha-Allah,
this will help to understand each other rights and
fulfil them to your best ability.

May Allah (SWT) grant us all the ability to lead our
lives according to the beautiful sunnah of our beloved
Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam).

Allah (SWT) Knows Best.
(Mufti) Abdullah Patel