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Refusing the Husband

Last updated: 1st November 2004
Question ID: #125
Short URL: http://qa.muftisays.com/?125
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Over13
1st November 2004

 
Assalamu Alaikum, I would like to know if i am allowed to refuse my husband intercourse on the basis that i am in pain from the previous intercourse? (ie. we are having intercourse twice) Was salam



Answer
Ulamaa
Ulamaa ID 04
Answer last updated on:
29th September 2007
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 04
Website
Location: London
Bismillah

Al-jawab billahi at-taufeeq (the answer with Allah's guidance)

Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “When a man calls his wife for sexual intimacy and she refuses him, thus he spends the night in anger, then the angels curse her until morning.” (Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim, See: Riyad al-Salihin, no. 281)

Talq ibn Ali (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “When a man calls his wife for sexual intimacy, then she should come, even if she is (busy) in the cooking area.” (Sunan al-Tirmizi & Sunan al-Nasa’i)

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “By the one in whose hands is my life, there is not a man who calls his wife for sexual intimacy and she refuses him except that Allah becomes angry with her until her husband is pleased with her.” (Sahih Muslim, No. 1436)

It should be remembered here that, the wife must obey her husband in his request for sexual intimacy unless she has a valid reason. She must obey him as long as she does not have to forego her own rights. As such, if the wife is ill, fears physical harm or she is emotionally drained, etc; she will not be obliged to comply with her husband’s request for sexual intimacy. Rather, the husband would be required to show her consideration.

Allah Most High says:

“On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear.” (Surah al-Baqarah, 286)

Many times it is observed that the husband demands from his wife to fulfil his sexual needs no matter what state she is in, and uses the above quoted Hadiths to impose himself over her. If the wife is not in a state to engage in sexual activities and has a genuine and valid reason, and the husband forces her, then he will be sinful. Muslim husbands should realize that their wives are also humans and not some type of machines that can be switched on whenever they desire!

Finally, these matters should be resolved with mutual understanding, regard for one another, love, gentleness and putting one’s spouse before one’s self. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) has reported to have said: “None of you can be a true believer until he loves for his brother/sister what he loves for him” and the importance of this is even greater in a marital relationship.

And Allah Knows Best