Question ID: #573
Question: raising teenagers
As-Salaamu-Alaikum! my daughter is 15 yrs old now and tells me no longer wants to be muslim and wants to be christian and her attitude has changed dramaticly, she stoped making salah, I allow her to go to church on sunday but I do not help her in any way to get their or return from their, I can't force her to be muslim, I explained to her that no christian music will be played in this house without ear phone, she can not give dawa to christianity in this house,no church programs on my tv, and no boys comming to or calling my house, I have a wife & daughter who are practicing muslims, and protecting their islam & keeping peace in the home is of paramount importnce, my oldist girls was calling the younger kafir ,I had to put a stop to it, and lastly the 15 yr old told me she was a traditional christian wedding and could I give he away, I told her I'm sorry but I can't do that. so muslims what do I do in this situation?As-Salaamu-Alaikum!
Answered by: Ulamaa ID 05 (Batley, England)
Date: 21/07/2005 12:08pm


In the name of Allah with whom true salvation lies.

Allah is the guide to all, make Dua from your heart that Allah guides your daughter and ask your wife and relatives to do the same. Inshallah I have ask all my colleagues to do like wise.

I assume that the company which your teenage daughter is keeping has influenced her greatly in wanting to leave Islam (May Allah save us). I think you should first not allow her to go to church because you are encouraging her interest in Christianity and further to this she will be in the company of those who do not believe in Islam. You say that you do not help her to come back, I feel that it is possible for the Christians to say that a Muslim parent does not love his or her daughter enough or care for her or to give a lift home. She will I would imagine be receiving a lift with her Christians friends and this would mean she is spending more time with them thus she is poisoned even more. You are doing the right thing by not taking her to church but you should not allow her to go in the first place. Be the voice of reason when ever you can.

Provide for her everything which will guide her in Islam. Keep her with you and talk to her, let her open her heart to you as a daughter and let her become your friend. Introduce her to female Muslim friends and take her Islamic functions, even if she doesn?t like top to do so, you should take her with you. Influence her heart with the love a child has for her parents. Ask her to read Salaah with you and even if she says no give her time. Don?t allow her to listen to music be it on headphones or not.

Ask her other siblings to keep her close to them and not to let her out of your sight. By calling her Kafir they are pushing her further away. Keep her close to her family.

I would presume that she still loves you as her parent and by this you can keep her on the true religion. Use the love Allah has given you and the let the bond you have between you become stronger. If she leaves Islam she is harming her self and the repercussion will also affect the people around her.

The True Quran also says that "if anyone desires a religion other than Islam (submission to Allah), never will it be accepted of him; and in the hereafter He will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good)" (Sura 3:85).

From the age, which your daughter has reached if, feels to me that she is turning to Christianity as a means of ?escapism?. She is trying to find an answer to things which a teenager would look for. Some people believe that they have found the answers in drugs, in the case of your daughter she thinks she has found it in Christianity. This is a deception of Shaytaan. Help her to open her eyes to this deceit. The answer she and all of us are looking for is Islam.

You say that she wanted you to give her away to a Christian as a Muslim you cannot do this. It also appears that she thinks she is love with a non-Muslim boy. She is in love with the ?idea? of being in love, it is not true love. Turn to Allah and speak to your daughter. This connection she has formed with this boy I believe is the key reason to her interest in Christianity. Prevent this with Wisdom and not force. Pull her towards you and not push her.

A person who turns away from Islam is a Murtad (apostate) and there eternal abode is Hell. As a father it is your duty to try your utmost to prevent this not only the daughter in question but for all your family. Tell her about the lives of he Sahabah and the hardships they faced and endured so that Islam reached us today, We should not reject.

Lastly, I ask that you read and members of your family read nafl Salaah and supplicate and pray to Allah to guide your daughter on the right path. Preform some form of Talim in your house for all you children and let them read Islamic literture May Allah guide us all on the right path, the path of Islam and Iman.

And Allah knows best

Abubakr Karolia
Founder of I.F.T.A.R (Islamic Foundation for Theology and Research)
Batley, U.K
July 2005

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Mufti Abubakr Karolia
Batley, U.K
Founder of the "Islamic Foundation for Theology and Research" (I.F.T.A.R)