Bismihi Subhanahu Wa-ta'ala.

Assalamu alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Respected Sister

At the outset, we would advise you to regularly contact your Spiritual Mentor Shaykh Riyaadhul Haq (DB) with any spiritual problems. Stick fast to his spiritual advises and Insha-Allah Ta'ala you will be benefited greatly. Do not worry what the Shaykh will think of you - these types of worries are from Shaytaan Mal'oon who does not wish you to be rectified. One's Shaykh is most compassionate and highly qualified in the procedures relating to the rectitude of his Murideen. If one has a medical problem, even if it be utterly personal, we would seek the advice of our Doctor or specialist. Similarly, the Shaykh is one's spiritual doctor and we must inform them of our spiritual maladies who is most concerned about their mureed's Islaah and Spiritual progression. Ensure you take full benefit of their consultation.


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We hope the following points will be helpful to you by the Will of Allah, summarised as follows:

1. Tawbah, regret and renewing tawbah
2. Understanding and foiling the Deception of Shaytaan in the form of Doubts. (This paragraph plays a great deal in solving the problem from the very start before it becomes a "towering inferno")
3. extricating from those things which would be a cause of the shahwah rising
4. Alternatives to keep occupied thereby saving oneself from these sins
5. Benefits of Keeping good company which of course would wean one away from such Shaytaani desires.
6. Wazaif to hold firmly to at the time of temptation.

Firstly, you should be thankful to Allah for the Ihsaas (realisation) of the sin in which you are involved. The pangs of Ihsaas has prompted you to get further help, not being able to deal with the problem by yourself own - another Blessing of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. Make much Shukr to Allah subhanahu Wa-ta'ala for this.

Making Tawbah - A positive sign of a believer, after having sinned is the searing sensation of guilt. We must class Guilt as a blessing from Allah Subhanahu Wa ta'ala and a mark of Imaan. Stoke this guilt to keep yourself firm on the Obedience of Allah Subhanahu Wa ta'ala. Keep making Istighfar over past actions but do not mull over them to the extent that one loses hope - rather be positive and have hope in the Mercy of Allah, which is one of the salient qualities of a Muslim. However, to hope for the Mercy of Allah without making sincere Tawbah is mere folly.

Allah says in the Qur'aan, "Ask your Lord for forgiveness and then turn in repentance to Him," (11:3) and He says, "O you who believe! Turn in sincere repentance to Allah." (66:8)

Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihe Wasallam said, ?The one who repents from sin is like the one who never sinned.? [Ibn Maja (3240)] He also said, ?Remorse is repentance.? [Ibn Maja (4242) and Ahmad (3387)]

Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihe Wasallam said, "Allah will turn towards anyone who turns in repentance before the sun rises from the place it set." [Muslim]

Deception of Shaytaan - Doubts - It should be clearly borne in mind that mere doubts and thoughts, no matter how horrific they may be, are not punishable nor is one accountable for them. A person becomes accountable only when one gives evil thoughts and doubts a home. That is to say, the doubts are given impetus and strength by acting upon them. This appears to be the problem in this case. These illicit desires came to you and instead of ignoring them and asking Allah for forgiveness and protection from Shaytaan the Accursed, you gave them a home until they became so strong that despite being married and happy they are still lambasting you. Al-hum-Du-Lillah, the Imaan in you is fighting your inner desires and you must keep fighting them. No doubt you are aware of the sin of homosexuality and lesbianism - Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihe Wasallam ) said: ?May Allah curse him who does what Lot?s Alayhis-Salaam's people did.? Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihe Wasallam said, 'Lesbianism by women is adultery between them.' (Tabraani).?

How to free oneself - One must be honest with oneself and ask what brought about this explosion of illicit desire. Undoubtedly, praying Salaah 5 times a day and reading Quran would not push one to such sins. Perhaps the following may have had a great part in stoking the illicit desires:

Reading novels and magazines with illicit pictures and passages
Watching terrestrial and satellite television
Not controlling the eyesight
Watching movies
Unfettered access to the Internet

The list is endless. Dear sister, you would be the best person to evaluate which unislamic elements are striking a death blow to your Imaan. One must as a matter of urgency extricate (disentangle) from these Haraam avenues immediately. They are feeding the passions and inner desires and pushing one into the disobedience of Allah Subhanahu Wa ta'ala. Certainly, it will demand much courage and determination but so much sweeter your Imaan will become. One should chide oneself and think about the consequences of lewdness. You did mention searching the Internet for lewd pictures. The Internet is certainly a domain which must be carefully self-regulated. Many a person is caught in the snare of the Internet, whether that be illicit chat rooms or the like, mostly because one can conduct activities from the privacy of one's home. Al-hum-Du-Lillah, you are happily married and expecting and I am sure that you want this union to be successful. Can you imagine how your husband would feel or react if he were to discover you looking at lewd pictures on the Internet? How would you feel or your child if they were to stumble on you in this act? May Allah forbid. Every time you incline towards this action, you must imagine that if your husband, Shaykh, parents and so on were to see you doing this, how would they feel and how would they react and how shameful one would feel? When these feelings are cultivate awareness of people then by and by a person would start to realise and comprehend the awareness of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala who is always watching and seeing - how much more guilty must one feel?

Find yourselves alternatives to keep occupied. Here are some ideas:

1. Keep yourself busy in whatever way you can. If you must access the Internet, for the timebeing, do not do so without your husband being present, then you will not feel the urge to access lewd pictures.
2. Spend more time with your husband and take more interest in him.
3. Read much Islamic literature
4. Hold Ta'leem in your house from the Fadha'il-A'amal for at least 10 minutes.
5. Make du'as after every Salaah seeking assistance and strength from Allah Subhanahu Wa ta'ala.
6. Whenever you feel that Shaytaan is tempting you then engage yourself in something else immediately.
7. On a daily basis, strive to improve your connection with Allah enhancing your strengths and talents.
8. Set yourself a target to keep away from inciting this desire daily until days and weeks will pass. If one slips up, then do not mull over the mistake rather initiate fresh Tawbah keeping positive. - Never lose hope.

Staying firm on Deen - Everyone mustering the courage to change, will be plagued by fears of falling back into the habit of ?old sins?. May Allah save us! So how does one keep strong on the faith? It is well known that one is known by the company that they keep. Keep in the company of the perfume seller for one day and observe that, despite not buying one bottle of perfume, one would come out smelling of sweet perfumes. If one frequents the company of an ironsmith, they will come out smelling of smoke. Undoubtedly pious company kept will be a means of keeping firm on the Deen.

Who do we make our ?bosom buddies?? Well those who will help us in our Deen would be the correct answer if we want to stay on the straight and narrow. Naturally, this will change our outlook in life and take us closer and closer to Allah Subhanahu Wa ta?ala.
Now, the question arises ?Who is good company?? Those who would remind us of Allah and whose company would make it easier to stay away from sins would be the obvious answer. Make friends, keep the company of those pious ladies who have connection with Deen. Your past will be firmly behind you for certain Insha-Allah Ta'ala. Make Allah your objective and commence good deeds and make an effort to obey Him in all facets of life. Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala says, ?Those who believe, and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.? (Surah 13:28)

Wazifa:

Please recite and mediatate over the following verse of Surah Iqra when ever the urge to sin becomes intense,

Alam Ya'lam Bi Annallaha Yara.
Translation - Does he not know that Allah is watching?

Also recite daily 100 times,

Ya Rahmanu - with the intention of pleading to Allah (SWT)'s infinite mercy for divine protection. One can
attain purity and chastity only through Allah (SWT) grace and mercy. When a servant takes a sincere step towards Allah (SWT, He does not deprive him/her.

May Allah (SWT) protect us all.

We hope we have gone some way to alleviating your predicament. If you have any follow up questions please do not hesitate to contact again.

May Allah guide us all onto the path of rectitude.

Request for Du'aas
Wa Alaykum Salaam Warah Matullahi Wabarakatuh