Marriage - Over 13

Marriage - Over 13
12th December 2008


My question is about marriying. Iam in my last year of college and am strongly thinking of marriage. There is one muslim girl in my school who I have been noticing who is very pretty but doesn't wear a veil. My question is, is it ok for a muslim man to propose to a muslim girl just by her beauty. Also my other question is, is there a way for me to tell to fear allah and wear a veil, without talking to her or is it ok for me to talk to her about this subject.
Marriage - Over 13
9th December 2008

Pregnancy before marriage

assalam u alaikum,

I would like to know what is the punishment if you get pregnant before you are married and how can one repent.

Thank you
Marriage - Over 13
2nd December 2008

Re-marry first wife

Assalaamu alaykum mufti saab
i have recently recieved an email from a very close sister who is in urgent need of help for her family ,,,here is the email with the question included
JazakAllahu khayr

Salaam alaikum,

When my husband got married the first time it was the result of typical Pakistani emotional blackmail. for some reason his father really wanted him to marry this one particular girl even though his mom hated her. my husband also did not want to marry her. He felt he wasnt even ready for marriage yet. But his father insisted to the point that he threatened to divorce his mom if he didnt marry this girl. So out of fear for his mom he married the girl, but with alot of anger in his heart. after the wedding things didint go well. his mom hated the girl and would not accept her. there was alot of fighting between the two of them and after only 23 days of marriage my husband left pakistan and went to america on student visa. he had the visa before agreeing to marry the girl and thats why he didnt want to get married at that time especially to that girl. he wanted to study abroad and get a degree first since his time in army was cut short due to problem with his leg. anyway because of all the fighting his father divorced his mother anyway. my husband's heart was completely broken for his mom. his mother and wife were saying the most hateful things about each other and terrible accusations were being made in reference to his wife and his father. all without any proof, evidence, or witnesses.

he was in america not able to see or do anything first hand nor able to come back without leaving university and losing all he had started working for. with all the stress he was pushed to divorce his wife.? shortly after the divorce was entered into public record in pakistan he found out she was expecting a baby from the short time they were together.

then he fell into deep depression and ended up being lured into marriage again by a swedish girl who was visiting the united states. she was jehovah witness and up to no good. they were married also only a short time before she was expecting a child. then once she was expecting she ran back to sweden and filed a divorce against him. turns out she only wanted a baby and he would not be with her except in marriage. once she had baby on the way she left him. its a common mental illness among young western women who are depressed and lonely. they want a child because a child will always love them. they believe no one else ever will. anyway getting back to the point.

at this time he is twice divorced with 2 daughters he cant see. one of them being raised outside of islam. in full hopes of someday having his daughters with him he saught a muslim wife who would accept step daughter and love them as her own. thats when he came in contact with me. i am a revert from usa with 3 children from previous marraige to non muslim man. he promised to give them a good muslim father if only i would be willing also to accept and raise his daughters if he were ever able to have them live with him.

i agreed and we were soon married. now years have passed and our relationship is strong. his first exwife is now over the humiilation of divorce and willing to work with us for the sake of their daugher. She has never remarried and their daughter is 5 years old now. she never told their daugher that they were divorced since its a major social taboo in pakistan. children from non divorced parents beat up on kids who's parents are divorced. even her own cousins from her mother's side mistreat her and tell her she has no father. but her mother has always told her that her father is just out of the country and will return someday. so to tell her now that t hey are divorced would devistate her.

i am considering if its at all legal islamically speaking to allow my husband to remarry his first wife so that his daughter never has to know they were divorced and we can raise all the kids together and she wont have to choose between her father or mother. she shoudl have them both as well as all her brothers and sisters whom up to this point she doesnt even know exist.

so he was first forced to marry her then forced to divorce her and in the chaos an innocent child was brought into the middle of it all.

and now i have been ordered by my mother in law to never offer to let his first wife back into the family regardless of what good it may do for the child. my mother in law, i hate to say it, is very self absorbed and wants to have full control over all her children. she even tells me when i can and cannot speak to? my own husband. and yells at me if he asks me to do something she does not want me to do and i obey him. she says he is supposed to love his mother to the point that he would divorce me if she asked him to .. and she has asked him to divorce me many times but now he stands up to her. she only dislikes me because i am american and a divorcee. she wanted him to take a virgin for a wife even though she knew he was married and divorced 2 times with 2 daughters. does Islam forbids a non virgin to marry a virgin. but she is very much caught up in how she feels rather than what is right.

my husband is willing to go against her and keep us all away from her if neccessary, providing i am still willing and his exwife is also willing to go through with it. we have not yet spoken to her about it because we want to know the legality of the offer before presenting it. also i have to be sure its something i can handle emotionally as plural marriage isnt an easy lifestyle to step into especially for someone coming from the usa.

if you can give us a clear answer as to whether or not it would be legal to take her back into the family please do so as soon as possible. if its legal and i can handle it then we want to make the offer before she decides to confess to their daughter that they are divorced. we dont know how much time we have to make the decisiion.

Jazak Allah,

one confused sister.

May Allah swt reward you and grant u jennah,,Ameen

Marriage - Over 13
5th August 2008

Premarital sex

Asalamu 3likom..i was in a relationship with a guy but we slept together and we were supposed to get married because we love eachother but now he says he doesn't and i want to know what to do..does he marry me and divorce me??but then my parents will have to know..or do i just keep this secret for me for the rest of my life and i don't get married at all?

gazakom allaho khairan
Marriage - Over 13
21st May 2008

Nikah valid?


Recently a cousin of mine has been in touch with me and said that her nikah wasnt valid and that she was going to do it again as she had talked to some molvi local to her, who had said that the nikah is not valid if it is done in ramadaan and also between 2 eids. I myself didnt understand this, so was just requesting if you could clarify what this means.

i await your reply, jazakallahu khair
Marriage - Over 13
25th April 2008

Pleasing eachother husband and wife without having intercourse.

Assalamoalaykum W W. Alhamdulillah Allah sw has granted us 1 beautiful intelligent daughter and we are expecting inshallah another in the very near future. We have had several miscariages in the past and have been told not to have intercourse.we are scared again that we might lose the pregnancy if we have intercourse.9 months is a long time. Is it permisible islamically for us to please each other using hands/fingers please advise.jazakallah.
Marriage - Over 13
24th April 2008

Hubbys rights (private)

my hubby xpects me to giv him plesure evryday(ie sex) saying its his right that i shud obey him but sometimes its really frustratin and tiresome and if i complain he just says its my right...evn when im on my periods he expects me to masturbate him etc to satisfy him and nw its jus getting too much. he even makes me giv him oral... i know this is wrong but he says its ok and theres conflicting views on this.... my question is, is it my right to satisfy him everyday???
Marriage - Over 13
20th April 2008

Sexual intercourse

Q:- I m 22 years old. I have done sexual intercourse falsely with my own sister, now what should i do in order to rectify my sin?
Marriage - Over 13
6th April 2008

Three Talaq

As Salaamu Aleykum,

If I had an argument with my wife and I said to her in anger "talaq" or "I divorce you" three times can this only be counted as one talaq or does this mean I have divorced her?

JazakAllahu Khayr for taking your time to answer this

Marriage - Over 13
6th April 2008

Re -marry

Asalaam mualikum

I was married to my wife for 16yrs and recently became divorced after giving 3 talaks without thinking
1 talak in person and 2 talaks via E mail.Is this accepted?
My wife and I now want to remarry and reconcile.
I know she may have to remarry first.If so.What does she have to do?
If the marriage must be consumated,what is meant by consumated? to what level does this have to go.
I love her and we have made a mistake for which we are been punished, but we want to reconcile as soon as possible insha allah.
Marriage - Over 13
18th March 2008


if the wife is aloowed to masturbate husband and vice versa then is it permissble for husband to use sex toys to msturbate his wife
Marriage - Over 13
12th January 2008

Viewing partners private part

Is it permissble to see the partners private part during intercourse
Marriage - Over 13
2nd January 2008

Does oral sex have the same punishment as for zina ?


If some unmarried muslim man has done oral sex, fingering and took a bath with a non muslim girl but did not do the actual sex, does he deserve the same punishment as for zina ?

He greatly remorse his actions and asks for tauba from Allah but still his conscience feels the guilt, what should he do ? Can he be forgiven by Allah or he must receive the punishment in this world to be forgiven in the hereafter ?
Marriage - Over 13
28th December 2007

Ejaculation and phone sex

If am away from my wife, is it possible for the both of us to have sexual chat over the phone through which we will be able to fulfil our desires. Even if ejaculation takes place while talking on the phone?
Marriage - Over 13
9th December 2007

Three talaaq in one sitting

Assalam O Alaikum

Could you please tell me if my Nikkah is valid or not.
four and a half years ago My husband said talaq once to my while I was pregnant and after I gave birth he said it 3 times in one go at that time when he said talaq 3 times I was not paakI was impure on my periods does that mean my Talaq is not valid? after he pronounced talaq 3 times a few days after that he said I was in anger I dont know what I want why I said it so he was confused after saying it and I have been told that I was na paak thats why talaaq is not valid please advise me, we have been seperate for 4.5 years now and since he said talaq 3 times we had no sexual relation we also have a 4.5 year daughter
Marriage - Over 13
9th December 2007

Sex issues

salams,please could you answer to this question i have regarding adult sex husband suffers from premature ejaculation,we have tried many things but doesnt seem to work.would it be possible to use adult toys during foreplay? as many a times i am left unsatisfied.salams
Marriage - Over 13
26th October 2007

Can a man masturbate her women and vice versa

I am happy u answered my question but there was a little misunderstanding in one part i.e i mean to say "when physically relating can a man masturbate his wife i.e finger her wife (sorry to use foul language) and can a women masturbate her husband using her hand................the situation may be that they are not planning for a child right is it permissible?????
Marriage - Over 13
17th October 2007


Salaam u alaikum,
When I am alone in my bedroom, I tend to fantasise about the opposite sex. I am not sure whether this wrong or permissible.
Also whilst fantasising, I get sexually aroused and have emmisions from my private part.
Marriage - Over 13
4th October 2007

Pubic hair

is it haram to grove up the pubic hair for a woman. I like to have sex with my wife with pubis hairin her private part.
Marriage - Over 13
29th September 2007

Refusing the Husband

Assalamu Alaikum,

I would like to know if i am allowed to refuse my husband intercourse on the basis that i am in pain from the previous intercourse? (ie. we are having intercourse twice)

Was salam