Marriage - Issues

Brothers i may have given a 1st divorce to my wife and i am confused as well please advise

for context - years ago my father out of nowhere said to my mother i give you my first talaq now. Because she speaks very rude to him

anyway i was very angry at my wife as she was rude to me and recently shes been quite aggressive i do so much for her but i feel the appreciation isnt there, i try make her life easier shes a very good wife we have children overall i am happy with her but recently shes been not as good - she always goes in a mood and iv told her i want peace and a good life

usually when she argues i say i think you never liked me so if you really want you can leave me and find someone better (immature i know) but deep down its like a threat not saying i want you to go an marry someone else- shes not very loving but thats her nature....

anyway usually i say to her youve gone quite rude and the way you speak to me sometimes and make my life abit harder than it is better you jus leave now and go to your mums house but its always a threat never you leave now

today.. i said to her if you keep carrying on 'like my father i will not hesitate to give you the first talaq right now'

now i was angry but i dont think this is a 1st talaq, i still think this is a threat of talaq

but she is saying that after that i said 'which i will give you now' i wasvery angry i do not remember but i know i said- i dont think this is a talaq as i nevet said this is your first divorce etc



' like my father i wil not hesitate to give you your first talaq right now'

i did not say you are divorced for ever, or say you are divorced three times, or said i give you talaq, but i said like my father i will not HESITATE to give you a talaq right now (or 1st talaq right now) nor did i say i give you the first talaq now?

if i said what i said ' 'like my father i will not hesitate to give you the first talaq right now'
2 if i said what she is saying i said ''like my father i will not hesitate to give you the first talaq right now, so ill give you it now) but i did not say so here is my 1st talaq

worst case scenario if she has got her first talaq, shes in her idda now, if i say to her i am taking you back or be intimate with her is this reversed? i will do both and never mention the word talaq ever- or tell her to go to her mums if she wont improve her attitde( the only time i tell her to go home or leave me is based on the fact if she wont stop being rude etc)

obv i have learnt my lesson - to do these threats, or talk about talaq, no matter how angry i wont mention it but just upset and feeling paranoid? overall these words were used as a threat never in my mind i wanted to divorce her because i love her....

In short-

If i said ‘like my father i will not hesitate to give you the first talaq right now’

Or what my wife says (i was angry and do not remember) i said like my father i will not hestiate to give you the first talaq right now which i am going to give you now

Throughout this the intention which was made clear to her was on the basis she does not change moving forward at not any point i was thinking of giving her the first talaq

My wife has PCOS. We were having a heated argument on phone. She kept asking me for divorce on phone. I kept refusing her and then she asked to me for divorce again and i hung up the call. I gave it a thought and decided not to give her divorce. she kept on calling me and i was not picking her call. Then i decided to pick her call and says words to scare her. The conversation that i remember goes like this: Wife: "speak", "what happened" and then i replied "whatever you wanted has happened (in urdu)", next words i am not sure what i said but could be one of these phrases "we dont have a relationship anymore (in urdu)" or " i am not your husband anymore" she replied crying that please dont do this. then i am not sure if i said "you are free (in english)". then she started having panic attacks and i told her that i havent given it. I clarified that i didnt do it.

Please note that i am sure that i didnt have any intention to do it. Scaring her was the last resort for me because she is going through PCOS and eventually she starts hitting herself. I just wanted to shut her up and it worked.

Please let me know if its talaaq or not and if it is please let me know if it's bain or not. Please note that my wife only remembers me saying "what you wanted has happened" and i never used the word "talaaq". Also, after the phrase"what you wanted has happened" I am not sure what the exact words were but for sure I never said Talaaq explicitly neither did I ever intend too.

Assalamwalaykum
Me and my husband are both writing this to have formal agreement of context.
My husband had told me when before we got married that he would get separate housing for us an that him and his brother will both get married where we can have a place of security for the time being and then we can get a house. He and his brother are struggling to pay for the current house, but I want my own home being the wife and as it is my islamic right. I struggle living with my husbands brother and his wife as they feel privileged to spend more time around the house as well as me being the wife hearing backbiting of me and my husband for a long time as well as telling others falsehoods more so my sister inlaw then brither inlaw. We observe hijab so we refrain from mixing. We do get days alone at home however I don't want to live like it is not my home. To give more context both my husband and his brother are orphans and my husband says that they have no security other then this. However I want my islamic right and if not I am contemplating divorce as he has the mindset to live more like a wayfarer and he is very easy going and not so concerned about this sort of stuff but would like his own home when Allah grants it however I want my own home and space immediatelydue to what was told to me before marriage and wanting my mental health to clear. He has offered to separate rooms into kitchen, bathroom an toilet where he will build it with tight space but room sizes but I don't want to live like this living in the west. I want in a sense my own home not compromised space or structural change. We got married young and has only been couple of years but I can't stand this as it is affecting my mental health. My husband is supportive however says there are certain duties he has to fill and he will try his best, however he has also told me if I can not have sabr and stop always being concerned with the dunya - he has said I will need to fix my own issues as at that point he cannot help me as he believes at a certain point I as the wife need to get out of this state of mindset and he can only go so far as to being supportive. He has is flaws as well as myself but I struggle with understanding him and him not putting me as priority hoever in general we have a great relationship. He has made me closer to islam a lot and tries to refer to hadiths and the way of the life of the prophet, but we are not living in those times where I can have just a small space or live in those comdition - not looking down on it but i dont think many of us would want to. He reminds me how I am more privileged then 95% of the world however I do not feel this at all. Also my husband advises me to learn more of the deen instead of him saying it to me as he says I need to learn the deen myself instead of observing 'fake' social media. He also says that no matter who gives advice hadiths, quran or a scholar I will put my subjective feelings first no matter what. I can't deal with these feeling being the wife.

Assalamu Alaykum. My husband and I have been separated since March 2023. I asked him for talaq multiple times, but he refused and said I should apply for a legal divorce first, after which he would give talaq. I applied in May 2023, and in June 2023, he responded, "The respondent will continue without disputing the divorce." We reconnected in July 2023 while the divorce proceedings were ongoing but separated again in November 2023. The divorce was finalised in June 2024.

Now, despite his promise to give talaq after the legal divorce, he refuses, claiming it’s unnecessary since we are legally divorced. He is still trying to reconcile, but I don’t want to. I just want a clear talaq.

My questions are: Is the divorce valid Islamically? Am I Islamically divorced? Do I still need an Islamic divorce if we are legally divorced? I’ve read that signing the divorce papers might count as talaq, but I’m unsure if our brief reconciliation affects this.

Dear Moulana,

I hope this message finds you well. I am reaching out to you as a person of knowledge, seeking your advice and guidance on a marital issue that has been causing significant strain in my life.

I am experiencing difficulties with the level of dependency my wife has on her extended family, specifically her aunty and cousins, who live nearby. It feels as though our marriage and her life cannot exist independently of her family. She feels the need to visit them numerous times a week, spending hours at their house, and insists on having an evening meal there at least once a week.

The dynamics within her family are such that the girls feel they can do whatever they want, however they want, and whenever they want, largely due to the absence of a father figure. They go out frequently and meet regularly, and I sense that my wife is inclined towards adopting this lifestyle. When I request basic things like not coming home late, not sharing every detail of our life, and maintaining proper hijab in front of her male cousins (who are non-mahrams), she perceives me as being overly controlling and strict.

I have expressed my concerns to her about not sending pictures of our daughter or allowing her to be on FaceTime with anyone outside of her immediate family (parents and siblings). However, she dismisses my concerns and believes I am being unreasonable.

For context, there is a history of sihr (black magic) in her family, which has affected both my wife and me. We consulted with Moulana Bilal Bawa saab, who performed his elaaj and recommended that she limit her visits to her aunty and cousins to once a month. Understanding my wife's close bond with her family, I proposed a compromise of allowing her to visit once a week for an hour, which I consider to be more than fair. Unfortunately, she does not see it this way and compares it to the fact that we visit my parents and siblings twice a week.

This ongoing issue has severely impacted my health. I feel unable to communicate openly with my wife for fear that she will share our private conversations with her friends and family. I am also concerned about the lack of trust regarding our daughter's privacy.

In an effort to set an example, I have distanced myself from my own family and friends, hoping she would reciprocate, but there have been no improvements. It feels as though she still wants to prioritize being a girl, cousin, and niece, rather than embracing her roles as a wife and mother. She believes she is fulfilling her duties as a wife, but the reality feels different to me.

This issue has caused me to emotionally and physically distance myself from my wife. I find myself thinking, "If my wife is not willing to listen and do what makes me happy, then why should I do that for her?" I fear talaaq (divorce) is close, but I do not want this to happen for the sake of our daughter.

We have attempted marriage counselling, but she was not happy that the counsellor suggested we put rules and limits on how often she visits her family.

The situation escalated to the point where we had to involve our parents, but her parents did not address the issue with her. I have even contemplated moving away, hoping it might help, but I fear it would only lead to more FaceTime calls to compensate for the distance.

I am at a loss and do not know what else to do. I am seeking your guidance to understand if I am handling this situation incorrectly and to gain insight into possible solutions.

Thank you for your time and assistance.

Sincerely,
Mohammed

Assalamualaykum mufti sahab.

I conditional divorce my wife if when she goes to pakistan and doesnt come back in 3 months than it is talaq. Intention of only one talaq and give her chance to rethink about her marraige and life with me. Marraige is cosumed.
1. She left on 27th may. Now if she comes back on 26th August or 27th august what is the ruling?
2. If she wants to come back but due to some reason she cannot. I consider is valid reason as she has to wait for visa for her mother. would talaq happen?
3. What is the condition of taking her back rujuh? New Nikkah or taking her back with witness or rujuh without witness?
Please guide

Salaams Adam. I need a big favour. Can you please ask a mufti in your area of my situation. If my divorce is void or not Due to our circumstances and how it happened.

I Divorced my 2nd wife about 4 weeks ago. We have been been married for nearly 16 months
We were both worried that our families would find out and both would lose everyone as they wouldnt accept it We both struggled sometimes and worried alot,when we were togather we have no issues between us.... financially I looked after her and was happy with her.
First time I divorced her. I told her she deserved better and we had no future. I regret telling her this. After I told her this she understood this and accepted it so she kept on giving me deadlines to go ahead with it as in days of when to do it by... I didn't feel right so I kept changing the day. Finally I caved in and gave it.
Within 2 weeks It was revoked because i kissed her and hugged her with desire so we got back together. I was so happy to carry on as her husband and we got intimate again in that time as husband and wives do... We were only together for a week before she made me do it again. Because in her head she was so scared to carry on saying our situation will still be same.
I honestly had no intention to go ahead. I agreed to go ahead to keep her happy. Even after the 2nd one we still talk daily. I am so torn over how it happened. She was scared at the time but wishes she didn't push me to do it. We both pray it's not valid. Cos the week leading to it we were very close Even on the day I said it,
We were kissing and hugging this was 15 min before I said it .
I feel that both of us were not thinking straight due to the situation and pressure felt of familys finding out
She feared the after effects of what would happen That was her reason at the time. I regret giving into her. I didn't have any intention at all. Now we are still talking everyday and regret it. Praying it will be void as the secnd time i was pushed in to doing it when i didnt want to give it . Inshallah if you can advise us. Jzk

Salam
Sheikh
My friend was married in pakistan in 2012, he came to UK in 2021, he did not bring his wife to UK but declared the wife in UK home office application.
He married to a Moroccon woman in 2024. Now he wants to apply for visa of her second moroccon wife.
As his first wife is declared in home office, he needs to submit a divorce certificate of first wife to apply for his second wife.
Is it allowed to make a divorce certificate (to fullfill application requirement) when practically he is not divorcing his wife in Pakistan as he wants to keep both wives.
Jazak Allah Khair

Aslma alekum i need a proper guidance about in which situation i am. A woman ( she is married with a Shia guy) and me working together and we like each other. she’ll filled a divorce because his husband is beating her and done 2nd nikaah without his knowledge and permission and the divorce process gonna be completed in July 2024. But unfortunately due weak our faith we done a sin . Allah pak forgive us. And now she is pregnant. we both are too confused what we can do soo we make it halal. We both want to be in nikaah soo this relation is become halal. But her idat is not complete because the imaam want a legal divorced status after he do talaq and the other problem is now she is pregnant with my baby. I need guidance what option i have, how we make this halal . Is this allowed to do nikaah in this situation or we only do nikaah after baby born And iddat .

Assalamualaikum

If I say "I seek seek allah's protection from my wife" with the intention of keeping my wife away from me. Is saying this considered divorce?

My husband and i got into a very serious argument where divorce was talked about we decided it would be best on divorce as in our argument my husband beat me and i said offensive words.

As i was upset i felt i could not live my life without my child as my husband would take him if we divorced.
At that moment i had thoughts of suicide and not living in the world I became self violant and said i hate everyone and i am not muslim as i thought if i am goimg to die anyway i cant be Muslim i said i dislike Allah and and i left with the intention of dying.


I was upset and couldn’t go through with it i repented and took my shahada and have deep shame and guilt do i need to re do nikkah?? as i am not classed as a Muslim i am so remorseful and pray Allah forgives me

Please guide me
Jazakallah

Assalamualaikum

If the husband has these intentions, will they be counted as divorce intentions?
1. Intention to revoke Nikah status but still love and want to live with his wife.
2. Intend to leave Islam and know that it will affect Nikah's status but still love and want to live with his wife. (And he returned to Islam again)

If these intentions are accompanied by the Kinayah word of divorce, will they be counted as divorce?

Asalamualaikum you helped me a couple of weeks ago and provided so much relief and happiness when telling me all them instances of divorce are not divorce. I’ve kept quiet and not argued with my wife and stayed silent when there is miscommunication. Unfortunately despite this my doubts slowly return and I ignore and ignore but new scenarios from the past before I contacted you, enter my mind which I try my best to ignore but it lingers and affects me. Please can you tell me the rulings according to the majority or hanafi.

1)The first is the fact that when I stated them scenarios where I thought I had given my wife implicit divorces even though you confirmed none of them were of such, I sometimes incase said “ I take you back” . Just as a precaution. Back then I was aware they weren’t divorces and was more strong minded and knew for sure they weren’t and definitely knew my intention, but now I think does the precaution do anything. I’m not sure how many times I’ve done it and don’t remember the amount but just wanted to confirm if the precaution does anything.

2)Secondly my wife was listening to music of a singer she liked when she was younger. She was insisting how it doesn’t matter as she doesn’t like them now or anything. Unfortunately I was insecure and I quickly said with 0 thought “if you go and look for anyone music that you were attracted to I’ll leave” instantly she asked what I meant and I clarified not divorce instantly. Now I’m thinking everytime she goes and looks for it, is it a divorce? Also what if it plays in the store or it comes on the phone in the background by accident or someone plays it in the car and she listens does that do anything. My intention at the time was truly nothing when I said it. I imagined her on her laptop going and searching for it I didn’t think of in the gym or store or it playing in the background and her listening to it, but does it still count. Sometime my mind strongly tells me my intention was leaving the house for like an hour but then a small little annoying doubt is telling me what if it means divorce. But in the end I don’t even know I said it with such little thought and so quick to end the insisting.

3)Another scenario was me saying “if you have done this in the past I will leave” referring to her doing something inappropriate. She said she hasn’t or truly doesn’t remember and is now doubting herself . Does this do anything from her not knowing or if she remembers she has does it? Again my intention is like the scenario above with the music, I truly don’t know but my mind is leaning towards leaving temporarily in annoyance. But my mind races back and forth and I have no idea of my intention.

4)Other times when she is annoying me or not picking up the call on purpose. I have texted her “you are provoking me” again unsure of intention but leaning towards just letting her now she is pushing me to potentially say something stupid like i said in the past on accident without thought and us stressing whether it’s a divorce or not. When she had been rude and unapologetic or physical i said “watch what i do” again very unsure of intention maybe I threatened to hit her back if she kept hitting me or very unlikely divorce I’m not sure but its like I don’t even think of divorce during the words, but after my mind automatically tells me I meant that randomly, even tho my heart tells me not at all, and how I could never divorce her over things like this if I looked back at it.

5. when with my older sister, my sister said “ at work,some wives get told by random men that they look good in a certain lipstick so the wife go and wear it to work the next day behind their husband back to impress the colleague at work” I laughed and replied “if my wife did that ide leave” whilst my wife was there. I thought of my wife doing it in my mind and it disgusted me. I think it was to let her know my displeasure of the scenario or maybe to threaten her, or maybe leaving, or mean legit leave her alone for a day to teach her a lesson, but I’m not sure, But now I’m thinking (even though my wife isn’t the type to do that) if she did do the lipstick thing would the divorce happen? And does this apply to anything, like clothes or hair or makeup even though the scenario was about lipstick.

I know this is all ridiculous and immature and since your help I’ve taken steps to control tongue learn deen better, and pray to be a man even more . But old past scenarios play in my head, I ignore it keep busy take my wife out go out with friends, but I see something on TV about a woman being divorced or something and it just reminds me and I’m like what if my wife is too. It all comes rushing back. I read your answers again and again and it helps. Then I think what if to different scenarious is there are different rulings and I need to tell the mufti the exact specific scenario. Please help me once more in this, again sorry for wasting your time this would be a great help.

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Just to give a bit of background, I am a 26-year-old female of Pakistani descent. I have always had a fear of marriage as I come from an extremely traditional Pakistani family. My family only marry into the family and marriage outside the family is rare. This is something I have always dreaded as I feel the women in my family are extraordinary, but the men in my family are subpar (in terms of intellect, ambition, success and most importantly, deen). My parents made it very clear to me that a marriage of my own choice would lead to them being very unhappy with me. Females were heavily judged and shamed for this while you can imagine the same rules did not apply to the men in my family. There is a huge double standard, however for this reason I never so much as spoke to a man beyond necessity. I have extreme anxiety around men to the point where I fear them. For this reason, I made peace with the fact that I would most likely have an arranged marriage within the family. My parents are not the type to force me, but emotional manipulation is a tactic used heavily in my family.

My father is the patriarch of his family. He is extremely strict and scary. He has used his wealth and power to help his family but also control them. My family fear him, however, my father interprets this as respect. Because of this, my parents always assumed that marriage proposals would come flooding in through our immediate family. No such thing happened. To be honest, this does not bother me as I have prayed to avoid marrying any of my first cousins since I was as young as 12. However, this is a great source of anxiety for my parents as they don't know what to do with me. They view me as a burden, even if they pretend not to, I can tell.

Fast forward to January 2024, finally, somebody in the family asked for my hand in marriage. I do not know anything about this person, as he is from Pakistan. However, multiple people vouch for him. They say this is a very good proposal. My aunty even said that I would not get a better proposal than this and that once good proposals slip away, you never get that chance again. I do not believe this. God would not punish someone for rejecting a proposal. If one door closes, He will open another one for you.

I have never met this man but I did find his TikTok, on which his videos are extensive. He posts a lot of pictures of himself but also the content of horse racing, as this is his hobby. The reason I mention this is because from his pictures I know that I would not be attracted to this man. Not in the slightest. I know attraction can grow, but I am doubtful, it ever will. I don't want to be vain and I am sure there are women out there who would find him attractive, I am however not one of them. I don't want to have a wandering eye after marriage and wish for something better. I want to be committed to my husband and fulfil all my duties to him as a wife. Also, he is a lot younger than me, which is not a huge issue but it means he is not established at all. However, I have been told he takes care of his family as his dad lives and works in the Netherlands, which shows he is responsible. Additionally, he is educated and is studying to become a lawyer which is useless to me as I live in the UK so he will not be able to practise if he was to come here.

Although I have only heard positive things about this proposal, even from family friends who know of him, I do not have a positive feeling towards this proposal. I do not want to marry this man. My family told me to pray istikhara and I prayed it 10 times. My feelings did not change, however, this proposal is not going away. His father and my entire family are very persistent. They will not leave me alone. They say I will regret it and say if you do not marry him, you will have to marry outside the family and you will regret it. They say people outside the family are untrustworthy and they keep trying to scare me and say that I will be treated badly. In my opinion, this is not a valid argument. Almost every woman in my family is unhappy. They do not have marriages that anyone would desire, but they are forced to stay as they married their cousins. I do not have a high opinion of my family as you can probably tell. I do not trust them to know what is best for me as they have never done right by the women in their care. They are extremely backwards in their thoughts and my father shows very little love towards his daughters. He does not even speak to my sisters, who are married, as he doesn't view them as his problem anymore. After marriage, I will not have his support regardless of whether I marry in the family or out of the family, so what difference does it make.

The reasoning for my email is this: I don't understand what Allah is telling me. I really do not want to marry this man. I even cry when I think about it but why is everyone around me telling me to marry him? Sometimes Allah sends you a message through other people but I wish he would send me one directly. I am a practising Muslim and I pray my salahs but I feel so disconnected from Allah right now. I don't feel he is speaking to me as I am feeling one thing but everyone around me is pushing me towards this marriage. The message isn't clear. I don't know what to do but I do not want to marry this man. What should I do. I don't feel I have anyone on my side right now. I have started praying istikh?ra again but I find myself scared "What if Allah tells me to do it"? I want Allah to tell me that I am right in my apprehension. I wish for a clear sign. Please advise me on what I can do to get an answer from Allah, is there anything else beyond istikh?ra? I am so terrified of my family, I am so afraid of upsetting them but I can't throw away my own life for them. Please help me.

Assalamualaikum WRWB,

I have a question regarding Tafreeq (Dissolution of Marriage) and reunification.

I was married to my ex-husband for 12 years. We have 2 children from this marriage.
My ex-husband and I had been separated for 2 years from 2020 to 2022. In Dec 2022, I obtained Tafreeq (Dissolution of Marriage) from Imams of Islamic Council in Australia. The Imams advised me to obtain Australian legal divorce first, which was granted in October 2022. This was part of Islamic Divorce (Tafreeq) process, they made contact with my ex-husband at 3 different times within the timeframe of 10 months as it was part of their process for mediation. My ex-husband didn�t respond to their messages. It took almost 10 months for this process to complete and it went to judgement phase at which after an interview with the Imams I was given Tafreeq in Dec 2022. I was advised to complete Iddah for 1 month.

Under Pakistani Law in order to get married again, one has to register Divorce. In June 2023, my ex-husband wished to remarry, therefore, he registered divorce in Pakistan Union Council believing that Tafreeq (Dissolution of Marriage) has already taken place. Although, he had no intentions of giving the divorce.

I have intention of reunifying with my ex-husband and would like to know if I still have a chance based on Tafreeq and registration of divorce.

Since Tafreeq had already been taken FIRST, will the registration of divorce have any effect on the chance of reunification?�

Appreciate your kind response to help understand my chances.

Assalamualaikum

I feel disgust and hatred towards my spouse. He is a good man and I don't find fault with his character, his Imaan or his family. I am just not attracted to the man and feel repulsed whenever he speaks to me or initiates intimacy. I have tried to overcome this but I cannot help feeling the way I am. I fear I am not upholding the obligations of a wife and I am not fulfilling his rights. I consider divorce everyday but I'm scared of the impact it'll have on both our families because I know it will cause great distress. Most of all I am scared of displeasing Allah and falling into sin. I need advise on what I would do in this situation. I know I am the bad one in the situation and I know I need to fix myself. I just do not know how to feel differently. Please advise me on what to do that won't cause me to displease Allah.

Asalamualaikum, hope you are well I wanted some opinions despite having done a lot of research and finding little evidence to show real divorce from my wife but I wanted to clarify as everyday I am worried. I wanted to know opinions on all schools and the major opinion on these. From my research and others anecdotes I see there hasn’t ever been a divorce but I’m very scared all the time.

1. When I married my wife she said something about taking property from me unless we get a divorce as a joke or statement and I went “I will” that’s it, with 0 intention 0 thought just a lighthearted comment which I now see as very inappropriate and wrong.
2. During arguments or anger I may have said things like “I’m done” “go away” “leave me alone” “I can’t be bothered” “i can’t continue like this” “I don’t want someone like this” “I don’t want to be with you” With all these i specifically meant to say it out of frustration or in the moment I never wanted a divorce or I don’t remember and said it without any thought out of habit, but mainly I know never once I wanted divorce.
3. When my mum asked during an argument between us if I want to continue this marriage I said “not if she’s a lazy person” but with no intention of divorce I meant I don’t WANT to have to do it but I will and to be honest I don’t even care much if she stayed lazy I just said it without any thought. is this an implicit conditional divorce. Another time was when she was acting crazy and i said “if you keep acting crazy im gone” but I didn’t even think of divorce but now im thinking there is waswasah telling me I did even though im sure I haven’t and never will. I also text my older sister saying “I don’t want her” and later added “at the moment” with no intention either during argument back then.
4. My little baby sister asked me if she is my wife and I said “no she’s my friend”sarcastically, does this constitute as one, also where I live I told the people she is my girlfriend briefly as they are non Muslims but none of these were intended to make her that. I also may call her “bro” jokingly. On insurance sheets I put us both as not married as I thought that, we are not married according to UK law but just Islamic nikkah.
5. I’ve also thought about divorce once or twice or the words “I divorce you” in my head. other times to her I have said ” I have thought potentially we should maybe get a divorce” to her does any of this count.
6. I’ve also given conditional divorce and she has met the conditions instantly so does it not count? But then i doubt it for example once I said “come here or you are divorced” and she came and fulfilled it then walked away after a bit. Although i didn’t think for her to keep walking with me and didn’t think enough of the condition is the condition still fulfilled? I feel like it is and there isn’t any divorce because she did what I wanted and asked but just need clarification. Another example I said to give her phone password or she will be divorced and she didn’t do it and hesitated but I waited and I didn’t want it in that moment I specially thought within today and I reminded her it could be a divorce and I reminded again and she did it. Is this a divorce even though my condition wasn’t specific I just wanted the password around the moment of time she did it? With all these there was no intention of divorce.
7. I’m sorry for the vast array of messages but finally the other day my wife said she will go to someone to get a divorce done after some argument, and I said “go if you want” and she said “I will”. I later found out that you can delegate divorce to your wife by giving her right. My intention was to let her go and get her anger out and speak to imaam and see how silly this is and then come back, hers was to actually get a divorce which she later said she doesn’t ever want and doesn’t intend it now. Not once did I want her to go and the divorce to happen and never did I intend to “delegate” the right to her, and I didn’t know what it was. Is this counted?

These are all immature mistakes and I’ve not argued since and won’t use such stupid language again. The issue is all the research points to none of these being a divorce except for one post saying “hanafi and hanbali take circumstantial evidence like anger or arguing as intention which leads to a divorce” but I never had an intention of divorce in any scenario ever.

Please help me with all these instances, thank you.

Asslamualaikum

Does a nod or a non-verbal gesture have any validity in Islamic law in the Shafi'i madhab?
Example: When he was asked about his divorce status, he nodded.

Assalamualaikum

If a husband constantly has thoughts about apostasy or death resulting in separation from his wife, but he does not want a divorce.
Do these thoughts count as intentional divorce if they occur along with the husband's utterance of divorce metaphors?

Aslam O Alaikum !

I hope you are doing well.. I really need your help and guidance... I got married with good intentions, I was naive, I did not understand the meaning of Nikkah... and its responsibilities, no one explained it to me.. I was not able to consummate�my marriage due to lack of knowledge of its importance... I did not have a father to guide me... He passed away when I was 20... I got married at 25 but was stupid and naive...�

I had psychological issues, personality issues, socialization problems... due to all of this I was not able to figure out who I am, and what I want.. I did not treat my wife fairly or good enough... I never meant to harm her, or insult her, or hurt her in any way... I always cared for her, I always fulfilled�her materialistic needs and tried my best to do good with her... But I was not there for her emotionally, and the physical�relationship was not as good as it should have been, because I lacked the knowledge and was stupid... Not because I did not want to do it... I always cared for her selflessly in other matters... I was missing guidance on how to form a relationship as it was a first experience for me...�

After marriage shaitan got in between us, and I started following shaitan, instead of trying to build relations with my wife, I thought about other women, second marriage and instead of trying to take our relationship to the next step, I started to look for reasons to get out... I was confused and lost and distracted... I wanted to continue things with her as well, but misunderstandings and miscommunication started to add friction between us, and we were not able to handle it maturely, because we were naive.... In my family I am the eldest, and my mother is not that smart either...� Her family also was not able to handle things maturely and peacefully... Everyone just ended up causing more confusion and fuss...�

I gave her one Divorce/Talaq verbally and face to face with intention... but I didn't do it because I hate her or don't like her, I did it because I was naive and was not able to handle things maturely... I did it as a warning... I had the intention of Ruju with her while giving my first� divorce...�

After 5 days, her Family started to ask me to end the marriage, without her consent... while I was intending to do Ruju... I was already disturbed mentally and not able to think straight... They kept on calling and asking to end, they did it 3 times...� Then I went and started the procedure for a single divorce, and asked them to take away their stuff... while in my heart I still wanted Ruju... Then her family came to my home uninvited, bringing along some of their friends and relatives... insulted me and my family, humiliated us, cursed us... tried to create a scene and start a fight... However we handled things maturely and kept sabar... After that I was very very angry and filled with rage and wanted revenge, and wanted to kill her family... and in that anger, and pain, and mix of emotions I ended up signing the first Talaq in written... I did not know what I was doing, I just had no other choice, I was forced to give this reaction.....

Some of my relatives mentioned the procedure to�give 3 Talaq one every month... But I was not aware of the fact that marriage can be ended with one Talaq, and 2 Talaq and a woman is still Halal to do Nikkah... I did not have proper guidance, and I was told the procedure is to give 3 Talaq one every month, so I ended up signing 2 more papers, I just did it as a formality... and had no intention of giving 3 Talaq even while signing the papers... I only gave her one Talaq intentionally... everything else that happened was never my intention, and I was not in my senses, I was filled with rage and anger, and I was naive...�

It's been almost 1 and half years now... and I still care for her and love her... I regret my sins, my misbehavior, my stupidity�and lack of knowledge and proper guidance... I wish I could have done things differently to save my marriage... During this time, Allah pushed me away... and I was depressed and doing haram things, and lost and on the wrong path... I realised my mistakes, regretted it and asked for forgiveness with tears during the Taraweeh in Ramadan... and I started to feel Allah's love again in my heart ... Then I got a message�from my ex-wife, I found out she is still not married... and I know she feels for me as much as I do...��

I wish to get her back in my life, if Allah wills, and if there is a way ... Please help me and guide me... Is there any possibility for me to get her back given my circumstances, lack of knowledge, and intentions... Can I do Nikkah with her again?

Please ask me if you have any more questions... Please guide me on this matter...