Marriage - Issues

Peace be upon you. Every day I keep thinking when I was alone at home, 'Back then, was I thinking about the explicit words of div*** and accidentally uttered them while thinking?', 'If I uttered them, did a sound actually come out or not?', 'Was the sentence directed toward my wife or not? Did I mention "wife" or not? What exactly was the sentence? Was it "Div*** tal** 1" or "Div*** tal** 3" or "I div*** tal** 1" or "I divorce tal** 3" or "I div*** you/my wife/[wife's name] tal** 1 (or 3)"?' With or without wife's being mentioned?

Please help, what should I do? Even though I already went through the court verification process before, I am worried that I did not provide the court with the exact details. What I told the court back then was that I felt the words were explicit. The judge asked about my level of certainty, and my answer was 50-50—sometimes it felt like a sound came out, and sometimes it felt like it was just in my heart. Because of that, it was not validated (it was ruled as not having occurred).
I am worried that this happened simply because my testimony wasn't sufficient to validate it. Until now, I am still trying to dig up my past memories of that moment: was I just thinking while uttering it, or was it without sound? If it was uttered, did I mention my wife or not? If it was uttered, was it tal**1 or 3? I am so worried to the point that I am wondering if I should do the court verification process all over again? Over and over again, I keep pondering whether a sound came out or not, whether it was directed at my wife or not, and if it was uttered, was it tal** 1 or 3? What should I do?

I am writing to seek your guidance regarding a matter that has caused me severe, ongoing mental distress. I have been constantly ruminating and replaying an event from September 22, 2024, every single day. The main issue I face is that my mind keeps forcing me to ask the same questions countless times:
a. Was it actually spoken out loud, was it just mouthing without a voice, or was it merely an inner monologue? (Did I actually hear it with my own ears?)

b. If I did utter it, was it directed at my wife? Did I explicitly mention her name, use a pronoun like "you," or say "my wife"—or was there no attribution at all?

c. If it was indeed uttered, did I say talaq 1 or talaq 3?

To provide some important context: in January 2025, I went to the Syariah Court for verification. The process was highly challenging because, due to severe fear and constant rumination, I could not recall or state the exact sentence with any certainty. Initially, the court could not verify anything because I was unable to provide a definitive statement for the judge to review.
To allow the session to proceed, I eventually told the judge what I thought I might have said while alone, which was, for example "I div__ce you." When the judge asked about my level of certainty, I replied that it was "50-50"—meaning there was a 50% chance it was uttered out loud, and a 50% chance it was just silent mouthing without sound. Consequently, based on this lack of certainty, the court ruled that no talaq had occurred.
Despite this official court ruling, I still feel deeply anxious, obsessive, and scared. My mind keeps tormenting me because I never specified to the judge whether it was talaq 1 or talaq 3 in that hypothetical scenario. This leaves me feeling incredibly uneasy, causing me to replay the event of September 22, 2024, over and over again in a loop.
I am very scared and exhausted by these thoughts. Given that the court already ruled that no talaq occurred due to my 50-50 uncertainty, should I accept this as final and ignore these thoughts as waswas (obsessive doubts)? Or am I required to go to the court again to do another verification?
I would deeply appreciate your guidance. Jazak'Allah Khairan.

Assalamu Alaikum,

Hope you are well! I am keeping my identity anonymous due to the sensitivity of the topic.

Ive read below two article which has made me really worried.

https://askimam.org/public/question_detail/16194

Please read above article.

My situation is below:

Unfortunately my marriage has got off to a rocky start. I have been married 2.5 months.

Multiple times when ive been at home alone, ive imagined and acted out scenarios in my head of me ending the marriage. To a point where im audibly uttering the statement of divorce and my wifes (Maryam) name. Realistically i dont want a divorce but all these thoughts of me ending the marriage and putting Maryam down has come to mind. To the point, ive physically acted these scenarios out. Ive never wanted to divorce or end the marriage, although thoughts have been there thinking is this marriage sustainable and if its better to end.

But deep down i want to try and save this marriage with the hopes Maryam will change. Because ive audibly made these statements more than 3 times, im worried that the divorce has took place Islamically.

The words that I uttered in the scenario was 'Maryam i officially d*******e you'. This was in the scenario i was acting out and i didnt want it to be real. Also ive always been alone when this has happened.

Also, after discussing this issue with my parents, it has caused a lot of stress to the point the scenario keeps replaying in my mind, and i keep quietly saying the words that i used. This is not to end the marriage but its just because im overthinking a lot and replaying it in my mind and saying it to myself without realising as the situation is constantly replaying in my mind. Its because im really worried that i have issued divorce without meaning to.

I tend to overthink a lot and act out a lot of scenarios that havent happened but could potentially happen. Currently im feeling under a lot of stress thinking that my marriage has ended because of what i did. I also have been very obsessive and overthinking a lot.

Is this all waswasa? Is my marriage and Nikah still in-tact? Or have i given divorce?

I was acting out a imaginary scenario. I overthink a lot and suffer from undiagnosed anxiety.

Please get back to me asap as this has caused me a lot of stress.

Jazak'Allah

We are stable family living in west for last 18 years. me and my wife works and i do spend my money for family needs and entertainment, my wife say its her money and she do not want to spend on family, which is fine but she also force me to spend all my money in family and do not share any money to my siblings even occasionally. even though i am covering all expanse for family and have enough to support where i want. she always bring issues with money to spend in family for extra entertainment travel etc. although i am covering more then enough for family. sometime she complain about the money i used to spend on my mother, she is single. but now she is no more.
I want to know is it my decision and freedom to spend where do I spend and what is the percentage i can spend on myself? Also i need to knoe what is my farz to spend on family, nafaqa is what i heard is farz which is minimum needs to live like food, shelter, and basic clothing.
Please explain to me, am i doing wrong to lend money to my siblings?

Peace be upon you, Sheikh
and may Allah’s mercy and blessings be upon you.

Respected Sheikh,
May Allah preserve and bless you.

I am a 27-year-old man who has been married for one year.
Our marriage did not begin in the best way; both of us overlooked concerns, red lines, and warning signs, hoping that our differences could be overcome with time.
My wife was clear from the beginning about her lifestyle, habits, and values, and that she had no intention of changing them.
Nevertheless, I hoped that she might eventually reconsider or change with time.
After many difficult experiences and disagreements, we have now reached a dead end.

I recognize that I made mistakes at the start and should have been clearer and firmer regarding my boundaries and expectations.

The situation now is that my wife has made the following conditions for continuing the marriage:
* Frequent travel to Western countries for entertainment, events, parties, exhibitions, swimming, and similar activities.
* Participating with her in movies, TV series, music, and games so that we can share common interests.
* She does not intend to wear what I consider the proper Islamic hijab. Instead, she wishes to find alternative ways of dressing that still allow her to feel attractive, especially outside Arab countries and in front of her relatives. She rejects the abaya, and the maximum she is willing to wear is loose pants, a top with sleeves to the elbow, and a beanie covering her head.
* She wants me to accept her as she is and not object to these choices.
If I offer advice, she only wants it to be gentle and without insistence, and let her decide whether she wants to abide or not, as it is "none of my business"

She is fully aware that I believe some of these matters contradict clear Islamic teachings. However, her response is that she has her own path with Allah, that she is trying in her own way, and that she does not accept being reminded through religious arguments or scriptural evidence.

She has now given me an ultimatum: either I accept these conditions or we proceed with divorce.

My question is: Is it permissible for me to limit myself to gentle advice in order to preserve the marriage, or should I end it if its continuation depends on compromising what I believe to be religious obligations? In such a situation, should preserving the marital bond take precedence, or should adherence to what I understand to be my religious duty take priority?

my utmost appreciation

I woke up after the sleep at 08:30 am and slept around 12:30 am previously, and saw the messages on WhatsApp in the morning. All messages were pleasant, as well-wishers. In one message I have received, there was "not important" in the message for third persons, not even in family. At the time I perceived "not important" that my views and opinion hold "not important"; however, "not important" was projected to third persons.
It hurted me that my views are of no importance and being denied like it had been in my life, or else. In my mind, I had been open to all of my views, thoughts with my best of communication skills with my spouse and with two words "not important" defies everything to me. I got angry that I am being lied and based on that sense I asked again and again. The facts were shared of recent update on our child behavioural report at school and I didn't accept facts because how could it change in couple of days. Then there are intermittent messages on whatsapp until I received a message "What is your problem?", I wrote "I divorce you" on whatsapp. I get incited again and again. Spouse responded and pointed the third person with the impact. I said "you are pointing me" and she said "I am not pointing at you". Then she asked "and what is this?" to "I divorce you". I couldn't believe on the actual or current details on the children behavioural aspects of what is updated from spouse because how could it happen so fast? It was a delayed information and then "my feelings or emotions are hurt" with being "not important" in my views. Though, I have a pattern of making someone target for 16+ years which was developed my some external influence. This got heated and I went outside to call my spouse on the phone towards the park.
I started in heated moment until the word I heard "tameez". This word provoked me into my nerves because I have been labelled that I have no tameez at all and it hurts. Among other things, I said "Should I give you divorce? I will have divorced you then." in my mother tongue. Later my spouse didn't reply and I keep saying all the pain behind tameez of all the events that had been happen so far. I had been walking here and there in the Park without realising where should I am going, I ensured that I am far from people because I am talking or shouting loud. I stayed there for like 40-60 minutes of walk, I have google map history to support this walk pattern. During that period, I rationalise and said in serious as well. Do you want us to separate or do you agree on that? There remains a silence and I said once more in serious and silence. There remain another silence and then I keep reiterating of the pain with these two things "not important" and "tameez". Then I got exhausted and tired. I said to my spouse that have a glass of water to my spouse, she asked about a chore that she should go on Monday or not? I said you are tired and Monday is a rushhour day, Tuesday or Wedndesday will be better. She said that she is going to put the phone off.
In short:
The divorce had been a question or an intimidation. Not a verdict. Later after 10-15 minutes, I establish or led to a point where we can say that it can work or not, there remains a rational silence for the verdict. I asked my spouse and myself on this. I didn't step in, and neither did she. The word divorce is echoing on the spouse. Though, I let her know that it was with "Shoud...." and "I will have..... by then!"
Consideration:
• Should it fall under (ghalaq, غَلاَقٍ), what should measure my anger and rationalism.
Question:
• What is the alignment, ruling, or verdict on divorce? Based on what?
• If you require any clarification, let us know.
Note:
• We are living far with 3 hour distance in different environments. Husband/Father in Europe and Wife/Mother in Subcontinent with two kids. We are having a Family Reunion Soon, though.
• I take mild to strong Bi Polar Medicines since 2010 and must drink Coffee to fully awake in morning.
• On this day, apparently I don't remember if I drink the coffee or not, because I went outside after sending/receiving messages.
• I must sleep early as well, best before 10:00 pm otherwise my next day will be dizzy, depressed or exhausted
• This question/post is our combined effort for clarity on this.

Asalamualaikum just have a question. For these hypothetical scenario.

1) if a hypothetical man is suffering from waswasah and says to himself constantly “ never leave no matter what” but he accidentally doesn’t say the “never” and accidentally out loud only says “leave no matter what” or from that whole sentence only says out loud “ leave” and there’s no intention at all of Divorce does that do anything in all wordings?

2) similarly if a man because of waswasah all the time randomly says out loud “ leave” without thinking of the rest of the sentences with no intention at all of Divorce does that do anything ?

3) if a hypothetical man in a hypothetical scenario says
“I’ll leave if you do this” or “I’ll leave if you don’t do this” and there’s no intention at all of does that do anything in all wordings? The man is just angry and says as a threat it to get her to do what he wants.

4) and if the hypothetical man in the hypothetical scenario is asked by his hypothetical wife if he intended to Divorce her by saying that and he lies and says “yes“ even though he doesn’t intend it at all he just lies and says “yeah” so she listens does that do anything?

5- if a hypothetical man in a hypothetical scenario says to his sister “I don”t want her” referring to his wife, or he says to his wife
“I don”t want you” it’s all just out of frustration
And anger and there’s no intention at all of Divorce does that do anything in all wordings?

6- when referring to hypothetical scenario or scenarios in my life which you confirmed that Divorce definitely doesn’t occur. In my question I have mistakenly said something similar to “Ive also given conditional divorce” ( which I haven’t done Ever at all I just said it as I was explaining the scenario to you back then and mistakenly wrote it ) there’s no intention at all of Divorce

or put the word “divorce” in the question title does that do anything in all wordings and anything else similar to that?there’s no intention at all of Divorce

Jazaka Allah for all your help may Allah reward you immensely

Asalamualaikum

Hypothetically in Islam if a hypothetical man has an OCD he has a thought that” if he doesn’t or does do that then “divorce” “ so he does stuff for example it could be anything like opening the door multiple times or switching the light off multiple times after. the fact that this hypothetical man listens to the thought and act on it do anything ? Or starts to do with action or is in the middle of it and stop himself does that do anything? or if he can’t do the action for any reason? there’s no intention at all of Divorce ,does that do anything in all scenarios or anything similar?
May you be rewarded

Asalamualaikum hope you are well I never did this or ever will I just suffer from extreme waswasah that why I’m asking this hypothetical scenario about another man

Hypothetically if a man says to his wife or to himself that “ When i get divorced im going to eat mums cooking ” or “im going to divorce then im going to eat mums cooking”

does that do anything to the man’s marriage? The hypothetical man had no intention of causing divorce a by saying this

Asalamualaikum I’m suffering from extreme ocd and waswasah about divorce and just wanna confirm nothing happened in these instances.

Me and my wife went out and whilst we were out she was being very rude and arguing about my sister because my sister has been very rude to her. I said to her that we are going home because she keeps arguing whilst we have come out on this trip. She was upset at me because she thought I was siding with my sister by asking her to not argue with me about it.i think she then kept threatening take to her in the car to her parents house and about divorce which I kept refusing. She kept on arguing with me so I said for us to go to the car just so we can go home because she keeps arguing. I didn’t intend anything by this but I got ocd by saying to go to the car that I’m responded to her threats about taking her in car and divorce even though didn’t intend anything like that at all. does that do anything?

My mum and dad got a divorce and I have never met my dad. So I was telling my wife about this and saying to her how “if I had a son” and was gonna simply say that I would meet him at least once not intending anything by saying that but then I got ocd thinking I’m presenting a hypothetical scenario of having a son like my mum but mum and dad got a divorce, so I got scared that would be part of the hypothetical scenario. I got worried and added about a “and he got adopted and we don’t meet him we would meet him” does that do anything?

My shoe laces always come untied so I got annoyed and said “of course” and then the ocd thought in my head came that every time it comes untied it means divorce, and as the thought came I think said
“ of course” with no intention, and got confused that I’m saying it to the thought in my head or annoyance over the shoelace but I’m not sure what to, if hypothetically a man out loud says “of course” to the thought about divorce does that do anything.

When I get waswasah say “no” or “breathe” to calm the waswasah but sometime I don’t know but feel as if I’m saying “do” or “dreathe” I think maybe cause the word “divorce” is always giving me ocd. What worries me is my potential mispronouncing starts with the same letter as “divorce” Does this do anything? And does my saying “no” multiple times to see if it sounds like “do” and does potentially accidentally pronouncing and repeating “do” does that do anything?

May Allah reward you

My marriage is a happy one, but one day I was doing household work alone in intense heat and humidity. Because of that, I felt angry at my wife for not helping me. Disturbing thoughts, whispers, and strange ideas started coming into my mind, and perhaps I began imagining a conversation with my wife.
In that state, I involuntarily said: “Go home. I want a divorce from you. Astaghfirullah, O Allah, I did not intend divorce — these words just suddenly came out.”
Then I returned to my senses and started worrying whether, because of what I said, the divorce has actually taken place. My major inclination is that I did not intend to give it in that moment but I am worried if maybe intention was in that imaginary scenario when the words were uttered. I also am unable to recall exactly.

Salam everyone. I’m a 29-year-old woman, having a stable career, but living at home with my parents. I’m reaching a breaking point and feel completely alone in this situation. I would be so grateful for any advice or to hear from anyone who has been through something similar.

I love and respect my parents deeply, especially my mother, who has sacrificed a lot for me. However, her protectiveness has become overwhelming.

The biggest conflict right now is about a potential marriage partner. I (29) have been speaking with a man (30) a while. We both like each other, are serious, have careers, and want to move forward in a halal manner in future.

My mother, however, is adamantly opposed. Her own marriage has been unhappy for 33 years, and she projects her fears and experience onto me. She believes I am naïve and make hasty decisions.

The specific issue is that she performed Istikharah regarding this man. Afterward, she had a bad dream, which she has interpreted as a divine sign that I will not have security with him. She takes this as a definitive answer from Allah and has told me to "get over him." She, along with my father, refuses to even meet him in person (as per my suggestion) to form a personal judgment based on evidence, (in addition to her Istikharah) sticking solely to her dream interpretation.

I personally feel this is deeply unfair. I understand that dreams ALSO can be influenced by one's own fears and emotions.

Me and her are very different in terms of personality. I have a positive outlook, seeing some potential in him and willing to give him a chance. Humans are not perfect after all. But my parent’s perspective says otherwise.

I’m the one who will get married here so I’m very disappointed of the way they handle things especially when it comes to marriage (I know them very well that marriage is the most difficult topic to discuss and agreeing with them).

How can I respectfully move past this impasse? Has anyone successfully navigated a similar situation with overprotective parents regarding marriage? What practical steps did you take?

JazakAllah Khair for reading and for any guidance you can offer. Please make du'a for me.

Assalamoalikum

Till yesterday I was not aware of conditional divorce.

Few days I ago I said to wife if you continue with abusive and vulgar language I will leave you.

It was neither threat nor divorce. What I had decided that if she continue same I will send her message of divorce. And same message to few others as witnesses. But I was not certain if I will do on first instance or tolerate 2-3 times and then do it.

Kindly clarify if is it conditional divorce or promise of divorce. Extremely confused.

I had a heated argument 10 years ago in which i said in extreme anger 'go to your parents house' to my wife, intent is uncertain due to how long it was but could be that i said the words due to anger.

I cannot recall the amount of times this was said at the time or if other kinayah words were used.

My question is;

1. Is this talaq e bain ?

2.if i uttered the same words or kinayah words multiple times in the argument would this be multiple talaq?

3.would i need to redo nikah?

As-salamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I would like to ask about a situation that is causing me waswasah (intrusive thoughts).

My wife was upset with me one day and said to me: “You don’t want to be a husband.”
From her tone and the context, I think that she meant that I wasn’t acting emotionally or affectionately enough — not that she was questioning our marriage itself.

I wanted to replied to her, “Of course I want to be a husband. But your always being so rude”
What I meant in my heart was, “Of course I want to act like a good husband and be more emotionally expressive. But your always so rude so don’t want to be so emotional ”

However, when I starting to say this this, i only said the words “of course” and not the rest of the sentence as I started to get waswasah.

A few minutes later (around 5–15 minutes after), I clearly told her, “Of course I want to act like a husband,” to clarify what I had meant from the beginning.

specific doubts came to my mind:
1. Because I am already her husband, I worried that some about to say “I want to be a husband” might somehow have a wrong or invalid meaning — as if it could affect the marriage.

2. I also got waswasah that when I said “Of course,” I might have been agreeing with her statement (“you don’t want to be a husband”) — even though I did not intend that at all. I just paused after the “of course” and didn’t say anything else as the waswasah was in my head.
I meant to reassure her that I do want to be an emotional but she is rude so it’s hard to be emotional.

3-, I clearly told her, “Of course I want to act like a husband,” to clarify what I had meant from the beginning. And am also worried about me saying I wanna act like a husband as well.

4- I’m worried because my wife said in anger that she might is gonna marry have kids with someone else, and I replied out of annoyance, saying something like ‘They’d be ugly,’ without any intention or seriousness. Does replying to her hypothetical scenario like that affect our marriage in any way?

5- Hypothetically if a woman tells her husband she’s gonna divorce him then get him arrested and he replies that if she gets him arrested he will get her arrested. But doesn’t intend anything by saying that. He is scared as he is replying to the hypothetical scenario of divorce but doesn’t intend or want that at all. Does that affect marriage in any way.

Please clarify do any of these scenario affect anything

May Allah reward you immensely for your patience Ameen.

Asalamualaikum may Allah reward you have a hypothetical question

1)Hypothetically if a man has intention of “talaq” keeps his mouth closed and tries to breathe the word through his nose, for example ‘talaq”’, without pronouncing it with his tongue or mouth, does that count as “talaq”

Woukd that do anything to the marriage.?
For example if u close ur mouth and
Try to breathe so ur breathing out like the word "hello” as u breathe through ur nose as your Tryna say that through breathing

2) If a man only says the first letter of the word ‘talaq’ (for example just ‘t’) and stops does that do anything

3) I didn’t do any of these and suffer form extreme waswasah how can I combat waswasah.

4)also as I was typing in the point above how “ I didn’t do any of these “
I paused after typing the “I did” before adding the rest cause of waswasah.I then cut it all then typed it all again. does the pause do anything. I have no intention

Jazakallah

Aww,

During 2 extremely heated arguments I pronounced the word talaq to my wife. Both times I had lost control and both times we made up straight away.

On the third occasion again we had an argument and this time I walked away and said the words we are finished as I was exiting the house but she did not hear these as I was now outside and she was inside.

Does this mean our nikah is now not valid? My wife has been told saying talaq in anger means the talaq is not valid and a hadith from Abu Dawud was mentioned.

Please advise as we are both confused.

Jzk

I would like clarification on the Islamic ruling regarding a husband’s obligation of maintenance during the ʿiddah period.

If a woman requests a divorce due to her husband’s disloyalty, emotional neglect, and failure to uphold her Islamic rights, and the husband then issues a divorce, is he still obligated to provide maintenance during her ʿiddah if she chooses to stay at her mother’s home rather than remaining in the marital home—especially if she left the marital home due to his actions and the negative impact on her mental and emotional well-being resulting from his failure to fulfil his responsibilities as a husband?

Additionally, if there was an agreed-upon amount of maintenance during the marriage that the husband failed to provide, can the wife request this amount as part of her Islamic maintenance during the ʿiddah? If he did not give it during the marriage, is he still obligated to pay it?

Finally, if the wife left the marital home during the ʿiddah and did not return, does this affect the husband’s obligation to provide maintenance during that period?

Asalamualaikum may Allah reward you
In Islam if a man has waswasah about “divorce” and maybe as it’s always in his head, he says a normal word maybe to his wife for example he might say “hello” but because of the severe waswasah of the word “divorce” he accidentally starts with the letter “ “d” and maybe accidentally says “ “d ello” or maybe he does this with other words does that do anything.

Furthermore what if another hypothetical man verbally says “if Allah or the prophet peace be upon me asks to “divorce” my wife” and he out loud says “I would” do it with no intention at all would that do anything

Asalamualaikum hope you are well may Allah reward you.

There is a hypothetical man who thought about divorce as he’s angry at his wife.
He imagined a divorce scenario in his mind, but he never intended to divorce his wife in real life.

In the imagined scenario, he thought that if his wife asked him why he is doing it, he would say “nothing.”

While thinking about this imaginary scenario, he accidentally said the word “nothing” out loud in real life, without intending any divorce, and without saying any wording of divorce.hes unsure why he said it and He doesn’t wanna leave at all.

Does saying the word “nothing” by accident — after imagining it — have any effect on the marriage? He is scared as the word nothing was in his thoughts and thats what slipped from his tongue irl only thr word ”nothing”