Marriage - Issues

Marriage - Issues
10th July 2024

I said i am not muslim is nikkah valid

My husband and i got into a very serious argument where divorce was talked about we decided it would be best on divorce as in our argument my husband beat me and i said offensive words.

As i was upset i felt i could not live my life without my child as my husband would take him if we divorced.
At that moment i had thoughts of suicide and not living in the world I became self violant and said i hate everyone and i am not muslim as i thought if i am goimg to die anyway i cant be Muslim i said i dislike Allah and and i left with the intention of dying.


I was upset and couldn’t go through with it i repented and took my shahada and have deep shame and guilt do i need to re do nikkah?? as i am not classed as a Muslim i am so remorseful and pray Allah forgives me

Please guide me
Jazakallah
Marriage - Issues
11th July 2024

Question about intention of Divorce

Assalamualaikum

If the husband has these intentions, will they be counted as divorce intentions?
1. Intention to revoke Nikah status but still love and want to live with his wife.
2. Intend to leave Islam and know that it will affect Nikah's status but still love and want to live with his wife. (And he returned to Islam again)

If these intentions are accompanied by the Kinayah word of divorce, will they be counted as divorce?
Marriage - Issues
2nd July 2024

Divorce

Asalamualaikum you helped me a couple of weeks ago and provided so much relief and happiness when telling me all them instances of divorce are not divorce. I’ve kept quiet and not argued with my wife and stayed silent when there is miscommunication. Unfortunately despite this my doubts slowly return and I ignore and ignore but new scenarios from the past before I contacted you, enter my mind which I try my best to ignore but it lingers and affects me. Please can you tell me the rulings according to the majority or hanafi.

1)The first is the fact that when I stated them scenarios where I thought I had given my wife implicit divorces even though you confirmed none of them were of such, I sometimes incase said “ I take you back” . Just as a precaution. Back then I was aware they weren’t divorces and was more strong minded and knew for sure they weren’t and definitely knew my intention, but now I think does the precaution do anything. I’m not sure how many times I’ve done it and don’t remember the amount but just wanted to confirm if the precaution does anything.

2)Secondly my wife was listening to music of a singer she liked when she was younger. She was insisting how it doesn’t matter as she doesn’t like them now or anything. Unfortunately I was insecure and I quickly said with 0 thought “if you go and look for anyone music that you were attracted to I’ll leave” instantly she asked what I meant and I clarified not divorce instantly. Now I’m thinking everytime she goes and looks for it, is it a divorce? Also what if it plays in the store or it comes on the phone in the background by accident or someone plays it in the car and she listens does that do anything. My intention at the time was truly nothing when I said it. I imagined her on her laptop going and searching for it I didn’t think of in the gym or store or it playing in the background and her listening to it, but does it still count. Sometime my mind strongly tells me my intention was leaving the house for like an hour but then a small little annoying doubt is telling me what if it means divorce. But in the end I don’t even know I said it with such little thought and so quick to end the insisting.

3)Another scenario was me saying “if you have done this in the past I will leave” referring to her doing something inappropriate. She said she hasn’t or truly doesn’t remember and is now doubting herself . Does this do anything from her not knowing or if she remembers she has does it? Again my intention is like the scenario above with the music, I truly don’t know but my mind is leaning towards leaving temporarily in annoyance. But my mind races back and forth and I have no idea of my intention.

4)Other times when she is annoying me or not picking up the call on purpose. I have texted her “you are provoking me” again unsure of intention but leaning towards just letting her now she is pushing me to potentially say something stupid like i said in the past on accident without thought and us stressing whether it’s a divorce or not. When she had been rude and unapologetic or physical i said “watch what i do” again very unsure of intention maybe I threatened to hit her back if she kept hitting me or very unlikely divorce I’m not sure but its like I don’t even think of divorce during the words, but after my mind automatically tells me I meant that randomly, even tho my heart tells me not at all, and how I could never divorce her over things like this if I looked back at it.

5. when with my older sister, my sister said “ at work,some wives get told by random men that they look good in a certain lipstick so the wife go and wear it to work the next day behind their husband back to impress the colleague at work” I laughed and replied “if my wife did that ide leave” whilst my wife was there. I thought of my wife doing it in my mind and it disgusted me. I think it was to let her know my displeasure of the scenario or maybe to threaten her, or maybe leaving, or mean legit leave her alone for a day to teach her a lesson, but I’m not sure, But now I’m thinking (even though my wife isn’t the type to do that) if she did do the lipstick thing would the divorce happen? And does this apply to anything, like clothes or hair or makeup even though the scenario was about lipstick.

I know this is all ridiculous and immature and since your help I’ve taken steps to control tongue learn deen better, and pray to be a man even more . But old past scenarios play in my head, I ignore it keep busy take my wife out go out with friends, but I see something on TV about a woman being divorced or something and it just reminds me and I’m like what if my wife is too. It all comes rushing back. I read your answers again and again and it helps. Then I think what if to different scenarious is there are different rulings and I need to tell the mufti the exact specific scenario. Please help me once more in this, again sorry for wasting your time this would be a great help.
Marriage - Issues
21st June 2024

Interpreting istikh?ra.

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Just to give a bit of background, I am a 26-year-old female of Pakistani descent. I have always had a fear of marriage as I come from an extremely traditional Pakistani family. My family only marry into the family and marriage outside the family is rare. This is something I have always dreaded as I feel the women in my family are extraordinary, but the men in my family are subpar (in terms of intellect, ambition, success and most importantly, deen). My parents made it very clear to me that a marriage of my own choice would lead to them being very unhappy with me. Females were heavily judged and shamed for this while you can imagine the same rules did not apply to the men in my family. There is a huge double standard, however for this reason I never so much as spoke to a man beyond necessity. I have extreme anxiety around men to the point where I fear them. For this reason, I made peace with the fact that I would most likely have an arranged marriage within the family. My parents are not the type to force me, but emotional manipulation is a tactic used heavily in my family.

My father is the patriarch of his family. He is extremely strict and scary. He has used his wealth and power to help his family but also control them. My family fear him, however, my father interprets this as respect. Because of this, my parents always assumed that marriage proposals would come flooding in through our immediate family. No such thing happened. To be honest, this does not bother me as I have prayed to avoid marrying any of my first cousins since I was as young as 12. However, this is a great source of anxiety for my parents as they don't know what to do with me. They view me as a burden, even if they pretend not to, I can tell.

Fast forward to January 2024, finally, somebody in the family asked for my hand in marriage. I do not know anything about this person, as he is from Pakistan. However, multiple people vouch for him. They say this is a very good proposal. My aunty even said that I would not get a better proposal than this and that once good proposals slip away, you never get that chance again. I do not believe this. God would not punish someone for rejecting a proposal. If one door closes, He will open another one for you.

I have never met this man but I did find his TikTok, on which his videos are extensive. He posts a lot of pictures of himself but also the content of horse racing, as this is his hobby. The reason I mention this is because from his pictures I know that I would not be attracted to this man. Not in the slightest. I know attraction can grow, but I am doubtful, it ever will. I don't want to be vain and I am sure there are women out there who would find him attractive, I am however not one of them. I don't want to have a wandering eye after marriage and wish for something better. I want to be committed to my husband and fulfil all my duties to him as a wife. Also, he is a lot younger than me, which is not a huge issue but it means he is not established at all. However, I have been told he takes care of his family as his dad lives and works in the Netherlands, which shows he is responsible. Additionally, he is educated and is studying to become a lawyer which is useless to me as I live in the UK so he will not be able to practise if he was to come here.

Although I have only heard positive things about this proposal, even from family friends who know of him, I do not have a positive feeling towards this proposal. I do not want to marry this man. My family told me to pray istikhara and I prayed it 10 times. My feelings did not change, however, this proposal is not going away. His father and my entire family are very persistent. They will not leave me alone. They say I will regret it and say if you do not marry him, you will have to marry outside the family and you will regret it. They say people outside the family are untrustworthy and they keep trying to scare me and say that I will be treated badly. In my opinion, this is not a valid argument. Almost every woman in my family is unhappy. They do not have marriages that anyone would desire, but they are forced to stay as they married their cousins. I do not have a high opinion of my family as you can probably tell. I do not trust them to know what is best for me as they have never done right by the women in their care. They are extremely backwards in their thoughts and my father shows very little love towards his daughters. He does not even speak to my sisters, who are married, as he doesn't view them as his problem anymore. After marriage, I will not have his support regardless of whether I marry in the family or out of the family, so what difference does it make.

The reasoning for my email is this: I don't understand what Allah is telling me. I really do not want to marry this man. I even cry when I think about it but why is everyone around me telling me to marry him? Sometimes Allah sends you a message through other people but I wish he would send me one directly. I am a practising Muslim and I pray my salahs but I feel so disconnected from Allah right now. I don't feel he is speaking to me as I am feeling one thing but everyone around me is pushing me towards this marriage. The message isn't clear. I don't know what to do but I do not want to marry this man. What should I do. I don't feel I have anyone on my side right now. I have started praying istikh?ra again but I find myself scared "What if Allah tells me to do it"? I want Allah to tell me that I am right in my apprehension. I wish for a clear sign. Please advise me on what I can do to get an answer from Allah, is there anything else beyond istikh?ra? I am so terrified of my family, I am so afraid of upsetting them but I can't throw away my own life for them. Please help me.
Marriage - Issues
4th June 2024

Khulaa, Talaaq and Remarriage (edited)

Assalamualaikum WRWB,

I have a question regarding Tafreeq (Dissolution of Marriage) and reunification.

I was married to my ex-husband for 12 years. We have 2 children from this marriage.
My ex-husband and I had been separated for 2 years from 2020 to 2022. In Dec 2022, I obtained Tafreeq (Dissolution of Marriage) from Imams of Islamic Council in Australia. The Imams advised me to obtain Australian legal divorce first, which was granted in October 2022. This was part of Islamic Divorce (Tafreeq) process, they made contact with my ex-husband at 3 different times within the timeframe of 10 months as it was part of their process for mediation. My ex-husband didnt respond to their messages. It took almost 10 months for this process to complete and it went to judgement phase at which after an interview with the Imams I was given Tafreeq in Dec 2022. I was advised to complete Iddah for 1 month.

Under Pakistani Law in order to get married again, one has to register Divorce. In June 2023, my ex-husband wished to remarry, therefore, he registered divorce in Pakistan Union Council believing that Tafreeq (Dissolution of Marriage) has already taken place. Although, he had no intentions of giving the divorce.

I have intention of reunifying with my ex-husband and would like to know if I still have a chance based on Tafreeq and registration of divorce.

Since Tafreeq had already been taken FIRST, will the registration of divorce have any effect on the chance of reunification?

Appreciate your kind response to help understand my chances.

Assalamualaikum
Marriage - Issues
2nd June 2024

Feel disgust towards spouse

I feel disgust and hatred towards my spouse. He is a good man and I don't find fault with his character, his Imaan or his family. I am just not attracted to the man and feel repulsed whenever he speaks to me or initiates intimacy. I have tried to overcome this but I cannot help feeling the way I am. I fear I am not upholding the obligations of a wife and I am not fulfilling his rights. I consider divorce everyday but I'm scared of the impact it'll have on both our families because I know it will cause great distress. Most of all I am scared of displeasing Allah and falling into sin. I need advise on what I would do in this situation. I know I am the bad one in the situation and I know I need to fix myself. I just do not know how to feel differently. Please advise me on what to do that won't cause me to displease Allah.
Marriage - Issues
30th May 2024

Divorce



Asalamualaikum, hope you are well I wanted some opinions despite having done a lot of research and finding little evidence to show real divorce from my wife but I wanted to clarify as everyday I am worried. I wanted to know opinions on all schools and the major opinion on these. From my research and others anecdotes I see there hasn’t ever been a divorce but I’m very scared all the time.

1. When I married my wife she said something about taking property from me unless we get a divorce as a joke or statement and I went “I will” that’s it, with 0 intention 0 thought just a lighthearted comment which I now see as very inappropriate and wrong.
2. During arguments or anger I may have said things like “I’m done” “go away” “leave me alone” “I can’t be bothered” “i can’t continue like this” “I don’t want someone like this” “I don’t want to be with you” With all these i specifically meant to say it out of frustration or in the moment I never wanted a divorce or I don’t remember and said it without any thought out of habit, but mainly I know never once I wanted divorce.
3. When my mum asked during an argument between us if I want to continue this marriage I said “not if she’s a lazy person” but with no intention of divorce I meant I don’t WANT to have to do it but I will and to be honest I don’t even care much if she stayed lazy I just said it without any thought. is this an implicit conditional divorce. Another time was when she was acting crazy and i said “if you keep acting crazy im gone” but I didn’t even think of divorce but now im thinking there is waswasah telling me I did even though im sure I haven’t and never will. I also text my older sister saying “I don’t want her” and later added “at the moment” with no intention either during argument back then.
4. My little baby sister asked me if she is my wife and I said “no she’s my friend”sarcastically, does this constitute as one, also where I live I told the people she is my girlfriend briefly as they are non Muslims but none of these were intended to make her that. I also may call her “bro” jokingly. On insurance sheets I put us both as not married as I thought that, we are not married according to UK law but just Islamic nikkah.
5. I’ve also thought about divorce once or twice or the words “I divorce you” in my head. other times to her I have said ” I have thought potentially we should maybe get a divorce” to her does any of this count.
6. I’ve also given conditional divorce and she has met the conditions instantly so does it not count? But then i doubt it for example once I said “come here or you are divorced” and she came and fulfilled it then walked away after a bit. Although i didn’t think for her to keep walking with me and didn’t think enough of the condition is the condition still fulfilled? I feel like it is and there isn’t any divorce because she did what I wanted and asked but just need clarification. Another example I said to give her phone password or she will be divorced and she didn’t do it and hesitated but I waited and I didn’t want it in that moment I specially thought within today and I reminded her it could be a divorce and I reminded again and she did it. Is this a divorce even though my condition wasn’t specific I just wanted the password around the moment of time she did it? With all these there was no intention of divorce.
7. I’m sorry for the vast array of messages but finally the other day my wife said she will go to someone to get a divorce done after some argument, and I said “go if you want” and she said “I will”. I later found out that you can delegate divorce to your wife by giving her right. My intention was to let her go and get her anger out and speak to imaam and see how silly this is and then come back, hers was to actually get a divorce which she later said she doesn’t ever want and doesn’t intend it now. Not once did I want her to go and the divorce to happen and never did I intend to “delegate” the right to her, and I didn’t know what it was. Is this counted?

These are all immature mistakes and I’ve not argued since and won’t use such stupid language again. The issue is all the research points to none of these being a divorce except for one post saying “hanafi and hanbali take circumstantial evidence like anger or arguing as intention which leads to a divorce” but I never had an intention of divorce in any scenario ever.

Please help me with all these instances, thank you.
Marriage - Issues
25th May 2024

Nodding and non-verbal gesture in Shafi'i Madhab

Asslamualaikum

Does a nod or a non-verbal gesture have any validity in Islamic law in the Shafi'i madhab?
Example: When he was asked about his divorce status, he nodded.
Marriage - Issues
25th May 2024

Constantly thoughts about apostasy and death

Assalamualaikum

If a husband constantly has thoughts about apostasy or death resulting in separation from his wife, but he does not want a divorce.
Do these thoughts count as intentional divorce if they occur along with the husband's utterance of divorce metaphors?
Marriage - Issues
23rd May 2024

Divorce in confusion and lack of knowledge

Aslam O Alaikum !

I hope you are doing well.. I really need your help and guidance... I got married with good intentions, I was naive, I did not understand the meaning of Nikkah... and its responsibilities, no one explained it to me.. I was not able to consummatemy marriage due to lack of knowledge of its importance... I did not have a father to guide me... He passed away when I was 20... I got married at 25 but was stupid and naive...

I had psychological issues, personality issues, socialization problems... due to all of this I was not able to figure out who I am, and what I want.. I did not treat my wife fairly or good enough... I never meant to harm her, or insult her, or hurt her in any way... I always cared for her, I always fulfilledher materialistic needs and tried my best to do good with her... But I was not there for her emotionally, and the physicalrelationship was not as good as it should have been, because I lacked the knowledge and was stupid... Not because I did not want to do it... I always cared for her selflessly in other matters... I was missing guidance on how to form a relationship as it was a first experience for me...

After marriage shaitan got in between us, and I started following shaitan, instead of trying to build relations with my wife, I thought about other women, second marriage and instead of trying to take our relationship to the next step, I started to look for reasons to get out... I was confused and lost and distracted... I wanted to continue things with her as well, but misunderstandings and miscommunication started to add friction between us, and we were not able to handle it maturely, because we were naive.... In my family I am the eldest, and my mother is not that smart either... Her family also was not able to handle things maturely and peacefully... Everyone just ended up causing more confusion and fuss...

I gave her one Divorce/Talaq verbally and face to face with intention... but I didn't do it because I hate her or don't like her, I did it because I was naive and was not able to handle things maturely... I did it as a warning... I had the intention of Ruju with her while giving my first divorce...

After 5 days, her Family started to ask me to end the marriage, without her consent... while I was intending to do Ruju... I was already disturbed mentally and not able to think straight... They kept on calling and asking to end, they did it 3 times... Then I went and started the procedure for a single divorce, and asked them to take away their stuff... while in my heart I still wanted Ruju... Then her family came to my home uninvited, bringing along some of their friends and relatives... insulted me and my family, humiliated us, cursed us... tried to create a scene and start a fight... However we handled things maturely and kept sabar... After that I was very very angry and filled with rage and wanted revenge, and wanted to kill her family... and in that anger, and pain, and mix of emotions I ended up signing the first Talaq in written... I did not know what I was doing, I just had no other choice, I was forced to give this reaction.....

Some of my relatives mentioned the procedure togive 3 Talaq one every month... But I was not aware of the fact that marriage can be ended with one Talaq, and 2 Talaq and a woman is still Halal to do Nikkah... I did not have proper guidance, and I was told the procedure is to give 3 Talaq one every month, so I ended up signing 2 more papers, I just did it as a formality... and had no intention of giving 3 Talaq even while signing the papers... I only gave her one Talaq intentionally... everything else that happened was never my intention, and I was not in my senses, I was filled with rage and anger, and I was naive...

It's been almost 1 and half years now... and I still care for her and love her... I regret my sins, my misbehavior, my stupidityand lack of knowledge and proper guidance... I wish I could have done things differently to save my marriage... During this time, Allah pushed me away... and I was depressed and doing haram things, and lost and on the wrong path... I realised my mistakes, regretted it and asked for forgiveness with tears during the Taraweeh in Ramadan... and I started to feel Allah's love again in my heart ... Then I got a messagefrom my ex-wife, I found out she is still not married... and I know she feels for me as much as I do...

I wish to get her back in my life, if Allah wills, and if there is a way ... Please help me and guide me... Is there any possibility for me to get her back given my circumstances, lack of knowledge, and intentions... Can I do Nikkah with her again?

Please ask me if you have any more questions... Please guide me on this matter...
Marriage - Issues
19th May 2024

Divorce without consummating




My friend had sent a message to her sister pronouncing 1 Talaq to wife. Sister informed the family about this but his brother wife is not aware about it. This happened before consummating the marriage but being alone together multiple times. He sent the message on 18th Feb 2024.

We are trying to reconcile but want to be sure if the marriage can be saved Islamically and how much time we have.

Marriage is not consummated yet and my friend did not gave any Talaq after the first message on 18th Feb. In the message he had mentioned the Talaq one time.

Please guide us
Marriage - Issues
11th May 2024

Doubt in Divorce Incident

Assalamualaikum

I once said some words that I suspected might be divorce words.
So I searched for a fatwa on the internet that was similar to my situation and found that it resulted in divorce and I believed it.

Later, I learned more from another fatwa from a local scholar about the correctness of the divorce expression, and this fatwa seemed more weighty than the first fatwa, but I was still not convinced.

Later, I learned more from another fatwa from a local scholar about the correctness of the divorce expression, and this fatwa seemed more weighty than the first fatwa, but I was still not convinced.

Therefore, I have doubts about the situation in the divorce incident that has already been said is probably incorrect according to local customs and is not valid.

In such a case, can I consider that divorce cannot occur because doubt cannot override the certainty of marriage?
Marriage - Issues
10th May 2024

Some words in Quran are pronounced exactly like "divorce" in my local language

Assalamualaikum

I read in the Qur'an that some words in the verse are pronounced exactly like "divorce" in my local language. If I read that word with hidden intention, will it affect the marriage?
Marriage - Issues
10th May 2024

Some local words pronounced exactly like "divorce"

Assalamualaikum

I speak a local language where some words not meaning about divorce, but the words are pronounced exactly like "divorce". If said with hidden intention, will it affect the marriage?
Marriage - Issues
10th May 2024

Kinayah divorce sentence in website and book

Assalamualaikum

I have seen some sentence on websites or books that are similar to the Kinayah word of divorce. If I express agreement such as "OK" with that sentence and have the intention of divorce, will it result in a divorce?
Marriage - Issues
10th May 2024

Istis'haab (presumption of continuity)

Assalamualaikum

A man had divorce intentions in his heart but didn't say anything. Later, he said a sentence that was a metaphor for divorce, but he was unsure if he had the intention of divorce when he said it.

Will his first intention be counted as continuation (Istis'haab) coming to his speech or not?

As far as I know, Istis'haab (presumption of continuity) applies to the continuation of religious practice, but I'm not sure if it covers other matters as well.
Marriage - Issues
28th April 2024

Still married islamically?

As salamu3likum,

After being separated for 8 months, me and my husband would like to try our marriage again.

Initially I requested a divorce, but he refused. I went to stay with my father for 8 months anyway.
Since my request was rejected and I never performed the proper process of Talaq, are we still married in Islam or must we remarry?
Marriage - Issues
28th April 2024

Do these cases count as divorce (Shafi'i School)?

Assalamualaikum

Do these cases count as divorce (Shafi'i School)?

1. When the husband hears another person say a question that is a Kinayah divorce question, the speaker does not have the intention of divorce, but the husband agrees and says yes with the intention of divorce.
such as

Question: "Can I leave you?"
The answer is "Yes"

2. The husband reads the rules regarding divorce in a book or website, which contains both clear words and kinayah as well as giving examples with questions. When the husband reads the question in his mind, which is the question for divorce, and answers out loud, "Yes."

2. The husband spoke to the general public about divorce. In that sentence there was a Kinayah sentence. The speech referred to a wide range of people, but the husband had the intention of divorce.

Jazakallahukairan
Marriage - Issues
9th February 2024

What are the criteria for expressing divorce to a third party that will affect the status of the mar

Assalamualaikum

What are the criteria for expressing divorce word (clear word or implicit word) to a third person that will affect the status of the marriage? (Madhab Shafi'i)

Jazakallahukairan
Marriage - Issues
3rd February 2024

Is Rujoo occurred?

After a lengthy fights I said to my wife ' our paths our thoughts are different we should get separated, I have nothing to do with you, I have no relationship with you ' then wife asked me what does this mean I said ' It means Divorce ' and I left away. After 2 days i realise and ask for forgiveness for Allah's sake .. she had went home i called her after incidents 4 days and said I rujoo from what i had said and forgive me ..
Mufti sahab please guide me after my Rujoo, Are we both now as a couples?
What type of Talaq is happened and is Rujoo occurred?