Marriage - Issues

Hi I had an arranged marriage when I was 21 to my cousin
& as l do not have anything in common with her or love her

For the past 13 years I have put and shut up for the kids

However I hace commited Zina on several occasions
The family knows and my wife knows
However when I ask for separation
They manipulate me to stay for the kids & tell me I’m not welcome to stay with them
This is emotional abuse and making me feeling trapped
My wife would also like separation as she doesn’t feel respected or valued which I understand
But she also feels trapped

So what can I do to get past this constant emotional turnmoil I am
Being unhappy and trapped in a marriage for the kids ?

My spouse as abandoned the obligation of the islamic faith - salah etc, as a result I'm not attracted to him anymore, and I fear facing the punishment of Allah 'SWT'. Please advise.

Asalaamu’alaykum,

I have been married for just under 1-year alhamdulliah. Before marrying my husband, I was born and raised in London but he had a job opportunity, so I moved for him once we married. Before meeting my husband, I lived alone with my two children in a council flat. During the engagement period to my husband he was paying for my rent and supporting myself and two children alhamdulliah.

Once we officially married I moved to my husband and I left my house in London empty, my husband continued paying towards my house while also providing for us while living with him. I have been saving and planning to buy this council flat in a halal manner for over 3 years so until I’m able to buy out right I must make monthly payments towards rent of £550. My husband was fine with this because I visit London every month to visit family so whenever I go, I stay at my house in London.

5 months ago my father came to me and told me he is homeless and has nowhere else to go, he is remarried and he needed somewhere to stay with his wife. He asked me to stay at my house in London since its empty until he can find somewhere permanent. My husband was ok with this as my dad is quite old and doesn’t have savings/investments and it’s a horrible situation to be in. My husband continued to pay the rent in my house as even though my father is staying there with his wife I still visit every month and stay there also.

My husband has now told me that he cannot pay towards my rent and that I should asked my father to as he is working and should contribute towards the rent. He even suggested that my other siblings should pay towards the rent, and the burden shouldn’t just fall onto my husband. I tried to explain to him that he is my father and he hasn’t asked me for financial support but he asked to stay in an empty house. I tried to explain that my father is a guest in my home and he’s going through other things and it would be wrong of me to stress him further and make him uncomfortable. In the end the tenancy is under my name the responsibility falls on me therefore my husband was providing while it was empty, I don’t understand how now I’m helping a parent it’s an issue today. My husband concluded the situation with if I don’t want to ask my dad to pay then I should ask my siblings and I said I cannot do that so he concluded with I should get a job and make the payments myself. My husband isn’t happy with this conclusion, but I feel like he’s given me no choice in the matter.

I do want to mention my husband alhamdulliah he is financially stable and makes good money. He also supports his family (mother/father/siblings) when in need and he has two children from a previous marriage that he supports. Yes, in our household together he provides everything myself and my children need alhamdulliah. What is my right in this situation?

We are a Muslim family of 5 living in Canada.

My mom has gone through a-lot with my dad during her past 25 years with him. She finally was able to find a place at cooperative home that would accommodate us and her.

My dad agreed on the basis that she agrees to sell the home that we used to live in. She agrees but asks for half of the net sale of the house goes to her. Considering that this is what she is legally entitled to.

They have been living separately for over a year now. My mom wants to make everything official between them in terms of separation.

My dad says he is willing to go and sign the documents to legally divorce her but he is not going to be giving her alimony support considering that the money she has got from the sale of the house is claimed to be like a support and alimony to her (~ $50K).

Is what my dad proposing justified from an Islamic point of view?

Aoa. Question on someone’s behalf. Couple has been married for 22 years with 2 kids. First few years were fine but then problem started to arise.there was a big difference in family background.wife was abusive and fought over small matters and rude to in-laws as well. With time husband started to become rude and abusive as well. Now it has come to the point where they fight every day and to make it worse couple of years ago husband married again. It made matters even worse . Wife is always badmouthing husband picking fight all the time and husband is getting abusive as well fighting back. It’s like they are on revenge spree and want to hurt each other as much as possible. Not thinking about kids at all what are they going through. Abusive and very toxic household.unable to divorce the wife as there is no family support for kids. All family members abroad . What should be done in this case?
Thanks you

Last year I gave my marriage with your daughter another chance when she
agreed she would listen to me & do as I told her. She has failed to
do those things and told me herself that she only agreed so that she would be
able to come back and change my mind over time and that if she has to do what
we agreed to she doesn’t want to be in this marriage. After everything that
has happened I know there is no rehashing that can be done in this marriage
to come to a different conclusion besides ending it. The wound is to big to
be patched so the only way to fix it is to sever It’s best for both of us
to move on and go our separate ways so we don’t waste each others time and
cause each other more pain. I can have her things delivered to her or one of
your son in-laws can come pick it up.

Salam

I have a close friend who sent this message with the intention of divorcing
his wife. If they are to get back together do they need to do Nikkah?


Jazakallah

As-Salaam-Alaikum, I am writing to you to ask for advice in a personal matter. I have been married for 1 year and live in a shared accommodation with my mother, step-father, and sister.

My wife is not happy with the living arrangement due to multiple reasons. We live in an apartment however since there are only 2 washrooms she has to share it with my sister, and the washroom is inconveniently located outside the bedroom. My parents have always had certain rules regarding my sister and they try to apply the same to my wife i.e. not going out alone, coming home early e.t.c. It also affects our intimacy since the rooms are very close. She is not happy with their interference in our life.

On the other hand, I have tried to have a conversation with my parents regarding me moving out and everytime it has turned out to be really bad as they both take it very emotionally and get sick. They have told me that if I leave the house for a separate accommodation with my wife they will essentially end their relationship with me and I would not be allowed to see them again. They say that we have invested all our life in you and now it's your time to give back. I've tried to convey to them multiple times that I will still keep all my responsibilities as a son even if I move out but they don't seem to agree on this. When I quote Islam and scholars, they tell me that I shouldn't pick and choose between what I want to follow from religion and what not.

I am really stuck in a very difficult situation as on one side my wife is really not happy with the living arrangement, and on the other side I fear Allah that if I leave without my parents blessings it would not be good for us. My mother has made a lot of sacrifices for me, countless, so is it selfish of me to be thinking of my wife? When I last talked to my mother about moving out, she got really sick, and she didn’t eat, and she kept crying for a long time. She told me a mother doesn’t wish bad for her children but her tears are not good if the child is the cause of that. I need your advice regarding what to do in this situation, I.e. how to deal with it such that I can balance both ends.

Salam alaykoum wa rahmatullah Wa barakatuh . Let me introduce you to my case. I want to marry a woman, she thinks I am a good person, with good character who is good for her deen. The father refuses for reasons that are outdated, such as ethnicity or education, can we get married with the brother’s consent?
Her mother and brother know me and appreciate me.
However, her sisters don’t want marriage either because they think I’m a liar or I don't have enough diplomas, they even lied about me on purpose.
In short, the sisters and father are opposed to marriage because of my ethnicity (I am Algerian and they are Iraqi) and my level of education (he wants me to be a PhD student).
I also want to precise that her father was not against giving his other daughter to a man who does not pray and who is a shia. Is this the way Islam tell us to act upon ?
Can marriage be done in one way or another?
JazakAllahu khayran for everything you do for the community, may Allah bless you.

Best,

Salam,
i am 22 years of old male and my fiance is 18 years of old

Please give me your advice asap as our nikkah is in one month

I have been talking to my fiancée for 3 months after engagement , our nikkah is going to be in start of January. 2 days ago i asked for her social media account, she gave me the accounts but deleted everything, i knew how to check deleted friends and chats so i checked it and find out she had relations with atleast 2 or 3 boys before, she was in sexual activity through online with them and also met them. After telling her that i know everything she was really upset and told me everything truth , she said that she never committed zina but did meet them and had kissed or hugged them(she say nothing more physically happened but I don’t trust her anymore). But she did show her body on online video calls which i think is also called zina (its online but according to my research on islam its zina). I would not be worried in taking decision if i had not done zina myself one time in the past, i committed zina for first time in this year 2022, i am 22 years of age and never before i touched a girl, she left me and I promised allah i will be like before and never do this again, i repented and I thought now i will find a good girl, now my fiancée also begging me to not break the engagement and forgive me once and ill do everything you say , i am stuck between leaving her or forgiving her and marrying her. She said she is virgin and never done anything in physical which is why i think i should forgive her. But at the same time i feel really bad after knowing how bad her relation was to those boys, because i checked the chats and videos she was sending them .
Her parents caught her this year june when she was going to meet one guy and she says after that i was so upset and my parents were so disappointed, i stopped talking to those boys after that . I did zina that’s why i think allah is testing me, should i forgive her for allah and marry her or should i leave her? I feel like i will regret leaving her but at the same time i cry and regret that i choosed her., thanks allah hafiz

If someone accidentally touched stepdaughter’s breast what’s the law of sariah?

Assalamualikum! I live in Chicago. My husband and I got married in July 2022. We had an argument after 3 months, and he texted me Divorce 2 times. Can you please tell me if the divorce has occurred or not? We both love each other, and I cannot imagine my life without him.

My wife frequently visits her mother who lives a 40 min drive away. I have no issue with her keeping a relationship with her family. My wife’s mother calls her everyday. My wife’s two brothers, their wives and families, and her two other sisters who are single live in her mother’s house too. They are all adults aged in their mid 30’s to 40’s. Wife’s mother insists my wife does chores for her (so wife drives over there even though her siblings live with her and can do these chores). She insists my wife visits her often and demands that she stays the night when she visits on weekends - the overnight stays has been a source of continuous arguments. I visit my our own mother weekly for an hour who lives within walking distance. My wife tells me I’m controlling, unreasonable and abnormal as a husband to complain about her staying overnight. I’m starting to question if she’s right but I don’t like being alone at weekends - if my wife goes one morning, she comes back late at night the following night. She complains that her brother’s wife visits her family for a week at a time (same distance) and it’s considered normal in her family. I don’t consider this as normal and it definitely wasn’t normal in my family or the families we know - visits to in-laws still happened but maybe for Eid etc ie not several times a month. Its upsetting me as I was almost better off when I was single, a lot of the time these overnight visits are mentioned just a few days before - after my wife has had a discussion with her mother so I try and see if my friends are free to give me company that weekend instead but they’re not available at such short notice. Where as when I was single, I might have planned a meet up a week in advance. I am sympathetic as her father died a few years ago and my wife regrets she didn’t spend more time with him before he died and my mother in law is not healthy, she has heart failure and is disabled so she is worried about the same thing happening again. At the same though, my mother had bowel cancer, has survived and has diabetes, has not completely recovered from the chemo but is always very insistent in not interfering in our marriage so ensures the time I visit her is short in order not to interfere with time spent with my wife. Unfortunately that same understanding and empathetic attitude is not displayed by my wife’s mother who demands to be centre of everyone’s attention. I have asked why can’t her siblings to do more and been told they just refuse so her mother calls her to come over. I need some impartial advice as me communicating my unhappiness about the situation to my wife seems to be getting nowhere and she probably thinks that because her mother is elderly she has an Islamic duty to follow her mothers instructions over mine. But I also want to know in accordance with Islam, am I being unreasonable in asking her not stay the night but to come back the same day?

My husband travels for work. Before marriage, he told me that he'd take me with him when he would travel and eventually he'd settle down by getting off the travel team. Now, he's telling me that he quit the travel team but he'll go on shorter trips (2-3 weeks instead of 8 weeks).

He didn't tell me before marriage that he'd still travel and leave me alone after quitting the travel team. We live in his parents' house with his parents. His mother's behavior with me is very difficult ... she's emotionally abusive and very controlling. My problem is that he didn't tell me he'd still keep traveling after settling down and I just cannot live with his parents anymore, especially in his absence. It's ruining my mental health.

Is he in the wrong for this? Should he bring me with him since he can afford it, or is he allowed to leave me behind? Am I wrong for wanting him to not travel at all like he initially told me because I find it very difficult to stay at home with his mother?

Please advise me islamically on what I should do. I'm very depressed.

Assalamualaikum, I have been separated from husband since more than 7 months with no contact at all. Now we are going to be divorced. Please let me know about iddat period and restrictions. My office is in another city but currently working from home, I think I can't travel to office or work from home but want to confirm as per Shariah.

Assalam o Alaikum
My nikah took place 10 months ago. Now my husband and I are getting divorced.
In this time period we have met many times without any sexual relationship(we hugged 3 times). most of the times we were with family. Couples of times he came to meet me in my house. we sat in my room alone. But my mother and brothers were present in other rooms and we were never completely alone and never wanted to consumate marriage before rukhsati.
In this condition do i have to perfom iddat?

I asked my wife not to do make-up without my permission otherwise she is haram for me. After that, I prayed to God that, sometimes if she does so in a certain situation, it is allowed. I allowed her in my heart not face to face. Now she told me she did makeup without asking me. Please guide me whether she is halal or haram for me. In any case, can I come back to her?
Jazak Allah kharain

Asslamoalikum!
My husband and me talked about an issue suddenly my husband got angry and told me that you and your kids not even equal to my parents feet dust. I don't want to live with you. You can take your kids other matters will be discuss later. From my side you are free priviously and now. He spoke these words in Urdu (meri tarf sy tum kal bhi farig thi aur ajj bhi farig ho)
Then he went to his room and we didn't talk after that day I listened some statements about talaq e bayeen.
So I want to confirm that I got divorced or not if yes then how many time and after that what can we do my husband said his attention was not for divorce we don't want sepperation we have four kids.
Same situation in past 4 years ago he said same words with anger that I don't want to live with you. You can take your kids and go. From my side you are free. (meri tarf sy tum farig ho)
After that we live together and my husband said my intention is not for divorce I am just sacaring you.
Kindly confirm in this situation what can we do what is the right thing we do?
We are still in marriage?
If divorce apply how many divorce I received from my husband is it count one or two??
Kindly please explain each and every thing.
Jazakallah khair

My wife confessed to committing zina and was guilty. I am worried that there were instances (in sequential order) as given below that make me think that I divorced her

1. On the day I came to know about her affair, I phoned my father and told him, “I don't want to live with her anymore. We have no topics to talk, our communication is poor and I cannot compromise with my deen” The reason for this is that I had thoughts that my nikah was not valid which spoiled our communication. So, since our nikah I had thoughts of either remarrying her or divorcing her. I did not know that saying such things might be considered divorce.
2. At home, I told my father that the chances of me keeping her is 40% and that of me leaving her is 60%. Are these words of divorce?
3. It was after this that I had intercourse with her to relieve myself of the stress. I still was confused whether to keep her or separate from her.
4. I told her that I had forgiven her, but still needed time to decide whether to keep her or let her go.
5. All this time my wife and I were staying together with my parents. I taunted her for her actions and even told her to take her passport and roam with the person who she had zina with. Are these words of divorce?
6. While my wife and I stayed at my place, she told me how I would feel after she left me (she probably meant leaving for her home for a few days). I had a thought that she is leaving me forever, and said I will enjoy being alone and live life with peace (but I said it in a lighter tone). Are these words of divorce?
7. I was in a very confused state whether to remarry her or to divorce her. My father asked me whether I wanted to divorce her. I said "Yes”. My father then asked me whether I could just forgive her. I used to tell my wife that I wanted to live with her. But, I was always confused whether to continue nikah or remarry her.
8. Once she also said she wanted to leave(she probably meant going home for a few days) and asked me about it. I wanted to ask for how many days, but didn’t ask. I had thoughts that she was leaving me forever and said "okay go". I think that I said her to go while I was thinking that she is leaving me forever/divorcing me. Is this considered as divorce?
9. Under deep hurt, I also once told my wife, “Leave me if you cannot change yourself (regarding me telling her to develop herself in deen, not talking to males unnecessarily and doing things that lead her to zina)”. She asked “Am I not changing myself?” I replied, “Yes”. She was really trying to change herself by cutting off relation with the person she did zina with,, reading islamic books, but she talked to some of male friends freely. Are these words of divorce and is kaffarah to be done?
10. We also had sex during this period, but I sometimes couldn’t feel the pleasure in it.
11. It is to be noted that I had accepted her but still was confused whether to keep her or let her go. She once all of a sudden told the story of the woman who complained to the Prophet (S.A.W) that her husband told her that her back looked like that of her mother’s. Could this be sign from Allah that divorce has taken place between us?
12. I did not like seeing her talk freely to male relatives. So I criticized her and we argued angrily. I even told her that I have thoughts that if she met with the guy whom she did zina with, she would do it again. She became shocked and said that I doubt her and was trying to control her. I became furious and told that her that she doesn’t understand me and said to her, “Leave from here”. Are these words of divorce?
13. Once her father came and took her away from my home as she was very disturbed. It was then that I realised I had said words of separation from her to my father on phone (mentioned in point no.1). I tried to keep her with me till her iddah in case I divorced her, but she insisted on going. I finally told her that I had taken her back so as to be sure that I had taken her back within the iddah period (03 menstrual cycles), considering my first statement of separation which I told my father on phone call (mentioned in point no.1). My parents were also hurt by some of her actions and while leaving she said words that hurt me.
14. After she left with her father, I did not talk anything to her on phone as I was hurt. She was irritated by my actions and I kept repeatedly saying words of accepting her, and said that I had to care for her after I had accepted her so that our nikah is intact if it was valid.
15. Just 02-03 days before her third menstrual cycle started (from the point of my first statement of separation which I told my father on phone call - mentioned in point no.1), I had a an argument with her regarding how she disrespected me while leaving, how she hurt my parents and she said to me, ”This is how you have accepted me?”. I ignored her since then and called her very rarely. I now had thoughts of either remarrying her or divorcing her.
16. When I called her a few days later, I again told her that I had accepted her, but she had completed her ghusl after her third menstrual cycle ended (considering the point of my first statement of separation which I told my father on phone call - mentioned in point no.1)
17. I am in serious doubts now. As mentioned above, there were several instances where i issued statements of divorce or seemed to have issued and then had sex with her/said i wanted to live with her/said I accepted her. Did the iddah period end after I accepted her or did it continue till the end of three menstrual cycles? Did I divorce her and accepted her back more than twice, thus making my divorce irrevocable till she marries and divorces another man. I am scared that during her ending of iddah, we had arguments and i was in confusion whether to remarry her or divorce her.
18. Since our nikah i always felt i was attracted to deen only when i was away from her or didn't talk to her and felt my imaan drop whenever i talked to her. Sometimes, when I phoned her, she didn't answer, I don't know for what reason and when she phoned me, I didn't hear the ringing and therefore I couldn’t answer. I have also done istikhara in asking Allah to guide me in continuing marriage or remarrying her. I even once asked her and she agreed for remarriage. Once she herself told me for remarriage. Could this be a sign from Allah that I have to remarry her. I get thoughts that maybe Allah exposed her sin of zina so that either i remarry her or separate from her. I really don't know what to do.
19. After her iddah ended (considering the point of my first statement of separation which I told my father on phone call - mentioned in point no.1), we again had argument in car when I got irritated and told her “leave from here” twice. After the first saying, I had thought it could mean divorce, but I said it the second time also. Could this mean that we are completely divorced or do I have a chance to accept her again?
20. I feel that I would be sinning if I get intimate with her.
21. I told her jokingly that I would drop her to some location. I completed the sentence even when I thought this could mean divorce.

I can say that I was very careful in choosing my words and whenever she asked me if I wanted to stay with her, I used to say "Yes" and said that I couldn't live without her. I suffer from waswasa and am confused regarding this and in need of a proper solution so that my life is better in this world as well in the hereafter.

Dear mufti sir,

I am in the biggest self created mess of my life and I don't know how will it turn good for everyone involved.

I was a semi religious boy offering Jummah regularly, performing the best prayers and salahs in ramadhan and fasting, but only offering salahs inconsistently for some months and then leaving them.

I got lost in a dark place, I committed Zina and then asked for true tawbah from Allah not to repeat the crime, then I got in touch with the girl I had known since my college days but she had got married 6 or 7 years ago, before her marriage we had gotten into inappropriate messaging only, and then she got married. She met me after 7 years and I committed Zina with her, she was equally involved. She blamed me for everything and I got so depressed, I lost into a darker place, I started committing Zina again until I got a sign from Allah to mend my ways truly, I cried for the first time on the prayer mat and said I will not repeat any of my wrongdoings, did the true tawbah again and had not had intercourse again with a woman again.

I thought my prayer had been accepted, I was clean and got married after 2 years. 7 months after my marriage, my wife got to know about my past, all the details, and she can't see my true tawbah or my mended ways, I have tried everything, I am deeply in love with her, haven't thought of other women or committed anything after marriage, I was clean, but the past still came rushing back to haunt me. I have asked for forgiveness from my wife, and that I am her biggest culprit, asked Allah for help as well. But she will not listen to me, can't even see me,
I don't want to give her talaaq as it's gonna be a bigger sin, or leave her. I asked her to leave me but she is keeping my honor so not everyone knows about my past.
What should I do?

Assalamualaikum, Can a boy Marry her Mother's Uncle's doughter. Means apni Ammi ke Chacha ke bate se kya nikah Jayaz Hai.Jabki wo larki us larka ka khala lagta hai.