Marriage - Issues

Asalamualaikum , hope you are well and may Allah reward you, I’ve really needed your help and have been suffering for so long I’m sorry for being long but if you can please help me out inshallah

1-My main question regarding the conditional is I follow the view of ibn taymiyyah The fact that he says it’s based on intention if it’s to encourage and threaten then it doesn’t count as divorce and I’ve seen scholars say you can take opinions from other scholars in waswasah/ necessity as a hanafi is this as a hanafi is allowed ?

theres a few scenarios I want you to put me in peace in writing, I already went on a molvi for shariah council but I just wanted to clarify on writing so im mentioning the full story, here are a few things said:I had no intention for any I just wanted to talk to her or just wanted her to listen to me , I never intended divorce
2-I said to my wife: “Come here or you are divorced” She came I think after a small hesitation and then walked away. I feel like she came instantly but Im not sure. Im worried as I never said for her to keep on walking with me once she comes next to me but I did want that but she walked away after fulfilling. Please clarify regarding the fact she didn’t keep walking ?
3-In the first situation, I am not sure if I also said “right now.” If I did say that and she came after a short hesitation, is that nothing to worry about please can you answer this hypothetically?
4-I said: “Give me your phone password or you are divorced.” She refused/ kept hesitating at first, but then gave it after I kept reminding within 5-15 minutes. Closer to 5, i just wanted to phone passwoed in that day I think specifically thought within today I only wanted the password, not divorce and not really a time frame . Does the fact she hesitated and refused for a while do anything?
4. I dont actually remember this but Im not sure but My wife says (although shes not even fully sure) that I once said: “Come down right now or you are divorced.”She says she went on her phone first, then came down. I remember she came down when I asked within a reasonable time according to me and I didnt worry or be scared , but im scared as she told me she went on her phone If I did say this, would that be a divorce? I never ever said anything or thought about her going on her phone I just wanted her to come downstairs and she came like a normal time. Please May you answer hypothetically regarding the fact she went on her phone?
5. I think I might have said: “Open the gate or you are divorced.” But I honestly dont remember if I said this, or if she even opened the gate. Does this count as divorce? She said she opened the gate and again I dont think shes even sure if I said it, just please May you answer me hypothetically.
6. There was CCTV in that place on the gate, and I once tried to get the footage to check If she opened the gate, but the establishment they didn’t give it to me. The incident happened over a year ago and I tried to get the footage over a year ago and since then we have moved properties in the same town Should I try harder to get it, or should I stop worrying about it?

Thank you for answering MaybAllah give you the highest reward, this was all extremely stupid things from years ago which I never done ever again.

Assalam o alaikum WRB,
I am 43 yr & my wife is 39 yrs old. We are into 16 yrs of marriage with 2 boys. My wife is suspicious about my actions before any women including my Sister in laws like noticing whether I am looking at them. I limit my conversation with them during family get togethers. When we are outside, She is watching on me whether I am looking at other women & starts accusing me that i did. When i try to reject the claims, We get into arguments. She also incites me by saying i like the other women or sister in law because she was physically revealing or overly expressive during the conversation. She says she trusts me but dislike my actions of looking at women & talking to them. I have been rejecting these baseless claims. I have lost patience now & I get into argument now yelling & scolding at her. She states she loves me & hence she is jealous. After the fight she then stops doing chores or cooking for the family especially kids & goes into isolation. These actions of her has never made me love her or increase the affection & makes me distance from her. She sends loads of Hadiths to me to replicate myself with Rasool e kareem SAW as to how he was with Ummul momineen. But she never introspects on herself. Please advise who is wrong & what is the interim & final solution for this.

My age is 28 and our marriage has almost completed 6 years, alhamdulillah. My wife is almost the same age as me and we have 2 children, alhamdulillah. We both, alhamdulillah, try to practice the Deen as much as possible.
The problem is, from just a few months after our marriage, my wife began to show complete reluctance in responding physically, and gradually it became very severe. I, physically, desire her almost every day, but she at best responds once or twice a month, and that too unwillingly. In this situation, I am mentally in great pain and, unwillingly, I am falling into sin. Even after every tawbah I cannot stay away from it.
I have also told my wife about the sins, and she feels upset temporarily but then goes back to the same way. Even when I show her the hadith about not responding to the husband, she feels hurt, makes an intention to change, but practically there is no benefit.
My wife otherwise is very practicing and fulfills all other rights of mine as a husband, mashaAllah. But in this matter she is extremely negligent, and because of it my normal life is being disrupted. In this case, please explain the ruling of Shariah.

Assalam alaikam,
I’ve been married for more than 20 years and have 3 children.
For multiples issues I filed a divorce in a French civil court. My husband did not come to the hearing. After few months the court issued the divorce judgement.
It’s been 5 years we have no contact. Recently i came to know he was admitted for a severe stroke and could no longer walk and talk. I met him and his friends, they said he never intended to give divorce.
My question is : is the civil court divorce valid, and count as an islamic divorce?
JazakAllah for your help.

Sfs

Assalamualaikum

Background:
I have OCD, particularly related to cleanliness and religious matters. One day, I felt what seemed like an intention to divorce, combined with ambiguous (kinayah) wording. This led me to believe and feel certain that a divorce had taken place.

Later, I learned more about OCD and how it can create false but convincing intentions. This made me doubt whether the intention I experienced was real or simply a false one caused by OCD. However, I have no clear evidence to confirm it was a false intention from OCD.

My questions are:

1. Does my belief and certainty that a divorce occurred count as certainty in Islamic law?

2. Based on the principle, can I consider the intention of divorce I had as doubt, and therefore judge that no divorce occurred because certainty (of marriage) outweighs that? Would this go against the principle?

3. Even though I have no solid proof that the intention was caused by OCD, can I now build new confidence that there was never a true intention to divorce in order to override my previous certainty?

May Allah reward you for your guidance.

Aslm i was married 22 years ago and had a son. We seperated when my son was cour through a court interdict az he was abusivs to my other kids. I havent seen him for 17 years. Is the nikaah still valid

I am the second wife, i filed for khula and got decree from court, in all process my husband didn’t present himself in front of court or judge and didn’t even respond to any notice. I love him and realised my mistake. Can i get back to him without remarriage. Is my nikkah still valid. He never wished for divorce or khula. Please guide

As-salamu alaykum,

I hope this email finds you well. I am reaching out to seek advice regarding my marriage, as I am currently struggling with a difficult situation that is affecting me emotionally and mentally.

Some time ago, I met a woman whom I wanted to marry. However, when I informed my parents about my decision, they strongly opposed it for cultural reasons, simply because she comes from a certain city. Unfortunately, this led to many arguments between my parents and me. Despite their disapproval, I proceeded with the marriage, asking for my wife’s hand in marriage by myself. My parents did not attend the wedding and, to this day, refuse to have any relationship with my wife.

Although my relationship with my parents is still intact, they completely avoid my wife, and she, in return, refuses to have any relationship with them unless they apologize. While my wife and I generally have a good marriage, this issue causes frequent arguments. She has developed a deep hatred towards my parents and often speaks ill of them.

Over time, I have started to feel that my love for my wife is fading. I find her increasingly unattractive, and I struggle to lower my gaze, as I often think that I could have married someone my parents would have approved of. It feels as though I am being punished for my decision. Additionally, I often face awkward situations when people from my wife’s side ask whether my parents have reached out to us, which only reminds me of the ongoing conflict.

I deeply regret many aspects of this situation, and I am now questioning whether it would be better to separate, especially since we do not have children yet. Neither my wife nor I are willing to consult an Imam or take steps toward reconciliation. I constantly feel sad and have frequent thoughts that I would be happier with someone else. I also fear that if we do have children, they will grow up resenting my parents due to this conflict.

From an Islamic perspective, would it be advisable to divorce at this stage? I would sincerely appreciate your guidance on this matter.

Asalamo alkuim,

I been married for a year and half. In the beginning of our marriage my husband would go to work until 5 then go to his family house until 8. Also would keep me at the house while he is with his family hanging out. Every time I would discuss him what he has he would tell me a wife doesn’t need to know her husbands whereabouts. He would yell at me for his sisters in front of them because I was changing to go out with them and they are always late when we go out. His sister said something to hurt me and he made me call them, so I make things right. His family calls him 10 times if he doesn’t answer which usually we are inmates during the times he doesn’t answer. He thinks something has happened so he stops, but nothing has happened.

Recently we have been arguing so much because he would get mad out of nowhere and he doesn’t keep his promise that we had before we got married such as living with parents and communicating everything with each other before anyone else. His family has been saying bad things about me and he doesn’t defend me. I feel like when I go to his family they don’t talk to me and leave out of everything. My husband lectures me in front of them.

I do raise my voice sometimes because I get very anger because I feel like I moved across the country and my husband doesn’t talk to me and puts last for everything. We had a big fight because he kept getting mad at out of nowhere at me, so I said I wanted a divorce out of anger. He got mad and left. My dad convinced to comeback home and I regretted right away.

My husband has said before that he can’t keep being in this marriage and thinks we are still young and we can move on. Which means divorce but when I said he got mad and he has not talked to me for two weeks.

He said he will never forgive or forget for what I have said. I have been very patient and haven’t raised my voice or argued with him.
I don’t what to do to bring my husband back to me. Nothing I do is right. He doesn’t talk to me and doesn’t joke with me.

What should I do to have my husband to forgive me for what I have said?

Asalamualaikum warahmatula hiwabarakatuhu,

I need urgent guidance!!!

I am a university student and I am not financially stable at all. Is there any way you can help me? I am mentally really disturbed!

I am a girl, I turned 18 last year and I'm entering my second year of university in september inshallah. I like a guy who is 6/7 years older than me and Alhamdulillah by the help and blessings of Allah (S.W.T) he is earning really well and he is capable enough to build a family on his own. I really want to get married because he is the right person for me, our personalities match, he brings me closer to my deen, he is really respectful and I want to make everything halal. He is also ready to get married to me, and there are no restrictions from his family either. My mom found out about him and we decided to come clear to her, and he spoke to her. She concluded by saying that I am too young and that he is Pakistani and I am an Indian so it's not possible, because if we get married everyone will get to know I chose my partner by myself and everyone will start talking. We have gone through every situation together and I have known him for 5 months now. I know he is the guy I want to marry because Alhamdulillah we have helped each other a lot to get on the path of Allah and we love each other for the sake of Allah.

I have even prayed to Istikhara and his mom also found out about us and she was so happy, because she got to know me and she loves me as a person. His older sister also met me and she knows that I am willing to get married and I will be a good wife to him. His father called my dad and told him that he wants to meet and talk about us but my dad brushed it off and said I will call you later and he never called him back. My relationship with my parents has ruined and they are always threatening to throw me out of the house and they keep telling me to leave. We were in Dubai for 14 years and came to Canada 3 years ago, my dad is planning to take us back because he says that the only reason we came here was for my studies but I am not studying and I have fallen in traps so he is planning to take us all back. My mom keeps bringing up my past and tells me I am the same person, but Alhamdulillah I have changed a lot and no one but Allah knows that!

There are so many people out there telling us to do a secret nikkah and get married because my parents are making terrible decisions right now, but we don't want that, that's our last option, we want my parents to bless me and wed me off happily. He wants that too, he doesn't want my parents to think bad of him.
We both had a lot of problems over the last months and they were really extreme at points where we kept leaving but Allah swt kept sending us signs and kept bringing us together. I know that he is the right one because he is literally the male and mature version of me. Our thinking’s are alike.

And moreover the important part for me is that we both were lost in this world, but Alhamdulilah ever since we met each other, we have drawn ourselves and each other really really close to Allah and we are using the love triangle where we know Allah is at the top and we have to love Allah (S.W.T) to get close to each other. We both have helped each other to this point that we both pray 5 times a day and we don't miss one single prayer. We pray 20 rakats of taraweeh straight and we wake up for tahajjud as well, which I know I would never do because I have a really deep sleep but alhamdulillah an hour before fajr eyes just open up.

I have completely lost my interest in this world. I swear upon Allah, I am just 18 but I have witnessed so many deaths at a younger age. And I just want to kill myself, but I know it is haram and I am avoiding all the haram work. But I am really fed up with this world and everyone is so much into haram. Literally my parents are avoiding such a beautiful blessing that is knocking at their door and they are stopping me from making something halal and they are making haram easier.

I had a business of my own repairing phones and I was such a good student and loved studying computer science, but ever since I have drawn myself closer to Islam, I am no longer interested in anything anymore. I know that this world is literally an ocean and if we take a bucket and fill it with the oceans water is what we have to take with us on the day of judgement. I am no longer interested in studying anything. I want to become an Islamic teacher or an Ailmah, so that I can spread the word of islam and become a better muslim, because that is the only occupation that will at least bring me closer to my deen and help me in my akhirah.

Please tell me what I should do? Because i really know he is the guy and it’s not about the rizq either because Allah said in the Quran if the person is a character of akhlaq and is a proper Muslim, marry him, i will put barakah in the marriage. And Alhamdulilah he is becoming a better Muslim and we both are helping each other. And we don’t even want to get married right now, we just want to do nikkah and turn things into halal and do it the proper way!

Jazakallah

Assalam alaikum,
I am a Shia woman, married to a Sunni Hanafi man. Our marriage has always been troubled. I left his home and live in a separate house. Since I left we have tried to reconcile. During that time he has pronounced the word talaaq twice and took it back within 90 days. Then 6 months ago we had a fight at his house in the middle of the night. I wanted to leave and he said: if you leave, you have the third talaaq. He didn’t expect me to leave but I did. When he realized I was gone he panicked but found a source online that said that since the talaaq was conditional he could take back the condition and the talaaq would not be valid. I can not find any sources about conditional talaaq that applies to our situation. In my perspective he pronounced the talaaq three times, so I consider myself divorce. He however is convinced the talaaq is not valid and we are still marries. Therefore my question, are we divorced or not?
Thank you in advance for answering my question.
Kind regards,
Israa Zaini

Assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
I pray this message finds you well. I am seeking your guidance regarding issues in my marriage of four years. My husband and I have two children, and our marriage was good until recently. About five months ago, I found inappropriate pictures and messages on his phone from another woman. When I confronted him, he denied having an affair and claimed she was just a friend. However, I later discovered he was sending her significant amounts of money and that she was cooking for him when he traveled back to Africa.
I have since found evidence of him communicating with other women as well. Each time I confront him, he denies everything, never apologizes, and instead blames me for being the problem. He even changed his travel plans without informing me and lied about it.
I am emotionally exhausted and feel lost. I want to protect my family and avoid divorce for the sake of my children, but the lack of honesty and trust is causing me great pain. I’ve even suggested that if he wishes to marry another woman, he should do so openly instead of hiding and lying.
Please advise me on how to approach this situation in a way that aligns with Islamic teachings and helps me maintain my emotional well-being.
JazakAllah Khair

If a couple has done their nikaah but rukhsati is yet to happen. The husband used to meet in the guest room of her parents house. The guest room was accessible by everyone. people were always present in the house and there was always a risk of someone entering the room. The guest room had two doors. Doors were closed at times but never locked as they didnt have their locks on them so anyone could enter without permission. The couple did have intimate moments, kissing, rubbing each other's private parts and once husband tried to do intercourse while standing for 10 to 15 seconds but he was unable to do it because wife was uncomfortable as she wanted it to happen after rukhsati. Also, there was always a risk of someone entering. Please let me know if this is khalwat e sahiha or not given the room was not completely secured but the husband did try to do intercourse for a few seconds but he was unable to. Jazakallah

Assalamualikum

Me and my husband have a very big problem and we are seeking immediate assistance. I would kindly like to share my situation with you first.

Prior to the problem, me and my husband have been facing a lot of obstacles within our marriage. We recently got married in September 2024, since then we have been facing a lot of issues i.e: financially, within the family (loss of mother), my husband suffered a car accident and also myself miscarrying a child. This was a lot of stress in itself to take on board, for the both of us.

With all this stress to take on board, I had to seek medical assistance too. Meaning, visiting my DR and explaining my mental state to him which he then also prescribed me medication.

I miscarried my baby on the 07/12/2024, the loss of his mother also happened 4 days before me miscarrying, a lot had happened. Me and my husband got into an argument via phone call, we were both talking over each other. Nobody was listening to one another, the phone call then ended by my husband, whilst I was still talking.
When this happened, we immediately started texting each other very rapidly, not reading each other’s responses again because of how much of our emotions were built up at the time, it was a very nasty moment. My husband was already not in a clear state of mind, he doesn’t remember where he was, why he said it, or what he said. He was severely angry to the point of insanity. I provoked my husband on top of that to divorce me because I was already grieving and going through so much pain and stress, I wasn’t thinking about this with a clear mind aswell. My husband then stated the word “Divorce” 3 times over a Whatsapp message. I didn’t know what to do, however on the other hand, my husband’s intention was to only divorce me ONCE to regain control of himself and the situation.

We are a young couple that have got married in our early 20’s. We both have limited knowledge and understanding on the severity of what the word “Divorce” could cause. Nobody has taught us on the field of divorce.
We have never once thought of divorcing or separating from each other in general. We never thought divorcing each other would be an option for us, because we only had the intention to spend both of our lives together. We both willingly agreed to marry each other, we would’ve never come to this point in our lives if we had understood the severity of the word “Divorce”, like I had previously mentioned before, we are a very young couple with no knowledge or very limited to no knowledge on the word “Divorce” and how it works. My husband is willing to take an oath and prove himself what his intentions were. Truly speaking, only Allah Ta’ala knows his intentions. He is clearly stating that he thought saying the word “Divorce” 3 times in 1 occassion constitutes 1 divorce (warning) to the wife.

Is there any way you can help us?
What would you advise us to do?
We follow the Hanafi school of thought, so we feel this would work best for us.


Jazakum Allahu Khairan for your guidance, may Allah Ta’ala reward you endlessly for your efforts in helping the community.

Wa’alaikumsalam.

My husband accidentally said the 3rd divorce as I did not answer his phone and deeply regretted it. He felt that he was possessed during this, or had an out of body experience. Is the divorce valid?

Is slavery allowed purely for the purpose of the sexual relationship between me and a Muslim man? We previously used to be husband and wife but divorced accidentally. We do not want to commit zina and see no other option.

I had a secret marriage which has now ended in divorce, I do intend to re-marry after, but how can I perform my iddah when I am a full-time university student?
Will my iddah be valid if I leave my home?

If a couple who's never consummated their marriage meet in the guest room of the wife's house. There are two doors and they don't have any locks so the doors cannot be locked. The mother of the wife is outside and she usually comes inside without taking permission. At times she would just knock the door and enter and at times she would just open the door and stand their. So there was always a risk of someone entering. The couple had intimate moments though like kissing, rubbing private parts. Once they were standing and rubbing with watch other's private parts and husband asked if he should consummate but the wife was resistance and said maybe "no someone can come inside" or "we won't do it before rukhsati" so the husband did try to rub it or push it for some seconds but couldn't do it because of wife's discomfort and the fear of someone entering the room. Without permission because the room was not locked, it had two doors and it was a guest room.

Simply put, they had intimate moments but there was always a risk of someone entering upon them.

Is this khalwat e sahiha or not?

Assalamu Alaykum
My husband is an Alim and he stays up until 1pm on his phone everyday. He comes upstairs only once a week to fulfill his needs and then goes back downstairs to continue on his phone. I feel my rights are neglected and makes me feel worthless.When I quarrel regarding this he says that he fulfills my needs atleast once a week so it’s sufficient . He doesn’t give me any other time in the week apart from that. Please can you kindly guide me on this.
Jklk

If my husband has married me as a secret 2nd wife and i now want to have my full huqooq, what should i do? He is afraind that his 1st wife will be upset and families will be ruined.