Asalamualaykum warahmatullah
when it comes to marriage and finding a spouse for sisters, things aren't always fair, halal, or easy, but alhumdulillah many times they are. The question is below given in situational form, insha'Allah this way it will make more sense.
a family recieves a proposal from a brothers family, the sisters parents know the family for quite a long time and both families have always had great relations. The problem is the sister is on one [western]country with her family, while the brother is in another 'western' country studying, both of them are on different continents. The sister or the brother in question have NEVER met one another, unless he remembers her from his childhood as the girl was very very young then while he must have been between the ages of 5-7, and she was probably a toddler or infant.
All of this aside, even now the brother and sister have no contact and pretty much the proposal has been lingering as she is still young and he is still studying, but its something both parental sides would love for their children to consider and analyze, and insha'Allah accept. The sister doesnt know how the brother feels about any of this, and the sister in question isnt really too keen on looking into this proposal as she has no idea about his deen.
From what she knows of the family-mostly the dad- as she's seen him before and heard form him more[both fathers are good frineds and keep in contact everyso often] since he travels alot.they are a reall good family, but when it comes to deen she isn't sure, moreover she is hesitant to even bother looking into this because hes been living away from home [abroad] studying etc. She isnt TOO concernrd if the family members arent strict strict but she does care. She herself does hijaab, jilbaab and insha'Allah has plans to start niqaab[right now the issue is her parents, who arent too fond of niqaab.] the issues are many, one for instance would be what if this brother isnt too strict about gender interaction or fond of niqaab? What if he doesnt agree w/ her having already given bayah, what if he doesnt even understand it?
Aside from that what if he isn't one to pray 5 times a day, reading quran, making astaghfar and salwat regularly etc? Now if she asks her older sister-who knows teh fmaily from when they were young- and the answer she recieves is: "yea he prays"... wat if shes not content with that?
The sister isnt looking to marry a saint but she would prefer her future husband to be one who follows not only the shari'ah but ALSO the sunnah [i.e sunnah beard etc] she wants to marry someone who doesnt practice Islam only b/c he was raised to do so..but someone who does it becuase he LOVES to do so and also other obvious reasons.... again she isnt looking nor expecting to marry a saint..but someone who Loves Allah, Habibullah Sal'Allahualaihiwasalam, the sahaba Akram RadhiAllahuanhu, Islam, Shariah, Sunnah.. the whole package... Respected Shaykh im sure you understand what she is meaning by this.
If the answers she recieves are things such as "yea he prays..." etc.. how does she go about deciding if she should even look more into the proposal? From what i understand, if a proposal comes for any sister, and the brother in question is one who's "deen is good," who can support her, etc, she does not have valid reason to decline his proposal or to not even look into it.
Is this true? Afterall how would she go about deciding if "his deen in good" with simple answers like "yes he prays" "yes he belives in Allah"... what is a sister to do? We can't judge anyones character, which is why she is hesitant on making judgments but how does she decide. how do we figure out where to draw the line of finding out abt a prospective spouse? as sisters how can we judge someones' deen..as we generally as humans arent supposed to judge anyone at all?
if we can tell who is well off masha'Allah, who can support a spouse, who will repsect their in-laws, etc..How are we supposed to know if "someones deen is good?"
Your replies are greatly appreciated, may Allah reward you and your family abundantly insha'Allah.
Walaykumasalam warahmatullah.