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Last updated: 17th August 2005
Question ID: #675
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salam i m in a big trouble.i got engaged 15 days before to the person i liked.but his family has now done istikhara for us and the results were not good.they now want to break the relation.but we both want to live with eachother and love alot.i has also done istikhara and it is positive.please tell us what to do now? we dont want to be seperated.help us and what islam says about it?please do istikhara for us and tell us.ALLAH will bless you for this.

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
Al Jawaab Billahit-Tawfeeq

Respected Sister,

Firstly, you should realize that marriage is a huge step in life and not something trivial and petty. It requires both sides to be ready mentally, physically, financially and spiritually too. There are responsibilities that need to be carried out by the spouses which if are not fulfilled, will result in committing sins and might cause the marriage to break (al-'iyaadhu billah).

Secondly, it seems from the offset that the reason why the brother's family has decided not to carry on with marriage is due to their istikhaarah result. This is something that should not be taken lightly as istikhaarah literally means 'seeking guidance from Allah'. Therefore, it seems that Allah is telling them to not proceed further with marriage due to wisdoms only Allah knows best.

It comes in the Holy Quraan:
'...But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.' Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 216)

Sister, you may think that the brother is the one for you but wouldn't it be better for you to not marry someone whom Allah knows is not suitable for you? What if you were to proceed with the marriage due to being firm on your decision and so called 'love' you have for each other and only after marriage find out that both of you are not suitable for each other?

You mentioned that you have made istikhaarah and it turned out to be positive. Alhamdulillah. But what about the brother? Why did he not perform istikhaarah as well? Are you content to get married with the brother despite knowing that he has not made istikhaarah and only basing his love he has for you to marry you? After all, the best person to seek guidance from is Allah and not through our emotions and desires only.

It would be better, right now, for both you and the brother to perform istikhaarah with regards to either proceeding with marriage or not. Be open about it and do not let emotions interfere with the decision. If you allow your overflowing desire to marry and emotions of love cloud your thinking, then no matter what happens, you will still be insistent on marrying.

Have full yaqeen (conviction) in Allah that whatever outcome you will receive from the istikhaarah will be the best outcome. If both of you are inclined towards getting married, then do proceed. However, if the outcome is not in your favor, then have tawakkal (belief) in Allah that it was for the better. Insha Allah, Allah will bestow you with someone who is more suitable and better for you and the brother. Always believe in Allah's decision as Allah is Al-Hakeem (The Most Wise).

And Allah knows best.


Answer last updated on:
26th May 2009
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 10
Location: Malaysia