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Reconciliation marriage

Last updated: 6th November 2005
Question ID: #1031
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Assalaamualkum w.w.
Maulana sb,

I have going through a lot of hell in my marriage.I have got to the stage where I feel I want to give up.I have been married for 4 years and have tried everything to keep this marriage alive.

Both families are quite active in the tablighi effort.Last year I took her out for 40 days and this year alhumdulillah we both performed the Hajj.

We quarrel over very small things and then the matter would just flare up.Everytime she threatens me that she will leave with our child. I am constantly put down.I can't say anything to her.

We were on good talking terms and I think she was all OK and happy, that one day she got her father to come,packed her bags and left!I spoke to her the night before and in the morning said sallam to her before going to work .In the afternoon she left.

I have not spoken to her since more than two months.My son is suffering.

She came and took all her belongings one day.

When tried going to see my son I was given heavy abuse.

I need mashwerah and guidance.I feel I am mazloom.what is the punishment for a woman who does this??

Maulana sahub what is the best course of reconcile.Is it just best to move on? I love her from the core of my heart and would want this to work at any cost.

Please also can you give me duas/amaal to counter this great test from Allah swt.I do not see any hope.

Bismihi Ta'ala

May Allah Ta'ala give you great strength and patience in these testing times.

The most appropriate thing to do in this situation is to gather the elders of both parties in an effort to reconcile this marriage. All matters of dispute should come out into the open and discussed. Compromises and promises should be made from both parties.

In a verse of Surah Nisaa' Allah Ta'ala say: ' And if you fear enmity and bad relations between the two (spouses) then send forth a party from his household and one from her household. If their intention is good (reconciliation), then Allah will draw the suitability and compatibility between them (ie they will get back together).'

According to this verse, it is extremely important that you carry out this procedure.

You mentioned that both families have a Tablighi background which shows a strong religious affiliation. How shameful for her father to support and encourage his daughter by collecting her from her husbands home without his permission. This is a disgusting and shameful situation. How can a respectful and modest Muslim wife leave her husbands home without his permission in an attempt to brake end her marriage and incurr Allahs wrath.

Nevertheless, there are always two sides to a story. Have you ever sat down with her to discuss the issues she has with you. Have you ever attempted to strike a compromise with her. Remember, marriage is always a give and take process and is a lifelong commitment. If the husband is adamant and persistent of being the dominant one, without fulfilling his wifes rights, then this can backfire in the long run, as it is not a matter of a few months or years, rather a lifetime.

I feel the situation must be addressed from a neutral perspective and all matters arising should try and be resolved in the light of the Qur'an and Sunnah. Take your time in this and seek the correct religious guidance throughout.

It is extremely important that the two of you reconcile for the sake of the child. Selfish parents cannot end their differences in this day and age, over small and petty things which result in lifelong suffering of the children. The psychological effect of divorce and separation on the child is severe.

As you have mentioned, the argument is always over small and petty things, then attempt to cut this out. Shaytaan is always trying his utmost to make a married couple quarrel.

The first step like mentioned above, is communication, and thereafter, if intentions from both parties are sound, then Allahs help will be with you.

And Allah knows best

Answer last updated on:
7th November 2005
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 01