maintenance

Sheikh, my husband is the eldest of four brothers. We both work hard and, after five years of marriage, are still building our own family and trying to save and invest wisely for our future. Alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed us with a good income, but we do not believe that having a good income means we have unlimited financial responsibility toward his brothers.

His parents are retired, and we already support them with approximately $4,000 per month for their living expenses. We do this willingly and consistently, and we strive never to fall short in caring for them.

Previously, one brother entered a business venture with my husband that failed. After the loss, he insisted my husband was responsible for his $40,000 loan related to that business. He stopped speaking to his parents and prevented them from seeing their granddaughter until we paid the full amount, even though it was not solely our obligation. We ultimately paid it to restore family peace and in the hope of reconciliation. He resumed speaking to his parents afterward, but it has now been two years and he still does not speak to my husband.

Now the youngest brother is creating similar distress regarding his university education. He insists specifically on studying in Europe and rejects more affordable options elsewhere, which significantly increases the cost. Because my husband feels emotionally pressured, I have been handling the research and applications and have spent considerable time finding more reasonable alternatives. We truly want to help him study, but these options are often refused and expectations continue to increase. We initially planned to help with $10,000, then extended to $25,000, and now we are being pressured toward $30,000 per year — potentially over $120,000 for a four-year business degree.

When limits are discussed, he reacts with crying, shouting, and making himself physically ill, which causes their mother severe distress. My husband feels caught between two sides. He cannot give freely because this income belongs to both of us and must be agreed upon together. At the same time, he feels deep guilt when he sees his mother suffering. He has acknowledged that the expectations placed on him are heavy and often unfair, yet he struggles because he loves his family and does not want division.

I also struggle internally. We are trying to build stability for our own household, and this pattern keeps repeating. It leaves me feeling that while we are the ones consistently supporting and caring for the parents, we are also the ones placed under the greatest pressure. I fear that if we do not establish healthy limits, this cycle will continue indefinitely.

We want to act with ihsan, justice, and kindness — but not at the cost of enabling ongoing emotional and financial pressure. How can we set fair and principled boundaries, protect our family’s future, and still maintain family ties in a way that is pleasing to Allah?

Asalaam alaikum, please help. I’m a second wife and live separately to my husband and have one child from previous marriage years ago. We did a nikaah and the first wife does not know about me. I work and pay all my own and my child’s expenses since our nikaah and also before that. My husband has been going through many tests since our nikaah and we have been wondering why. Is Allah SWT punishing him or us? He is asking me to waive nafaqah and said he’s researched and found information saying a second wife can waive nafaqah if she is happy to. He quoted one of the wives of our Prophet SAW Sawda giving up her night stay right to one of the other Prophet’s SAW wives to ensure she would not get divorced. My husband is under a lot of stress and pressure with his health and many other factors and I feel maybe I should waive it but if the tests he is going through since our nikaah are a sign from Allah SWT that he should give nafaqah then should I waive it? If so, is this permanent waiver? Is my husband sinning by not giving me nafaqah if I waive it? I’m not rich, have a very modest salary and live in rented flat. Please help with Quran advice and hadiths.