Ocd

I am very confused and lost. I have been trying to practice Islam to the best of my ability, but I have extreme ocd with regards to kufr and shirk and also other things in Islam. Near the end of 2022, Allah guided me to begin to practice Islam. I then would go and pray 5 times a day in the masjid, but slowly my OCD got worse. I would think the tiniest things are kufr; blinking, swallowing my saliva, all sorts of things. I would say the shahada every single day and repent for thinking i committed kufr. I actually decided in my heart multiple times to not be a Muslim anymore and stopped praying, but would always make tawbah and then start praying again. I then got so tired and decided to make hijrah to a Muslim land, to help me. I stayed for 6 months and all I cared about was islam; I was a practising Muslim, praying 5 daily Salah in the masjid,enjoining good and forbidding evil, staying away from all sins, lowering gaze etc etc. You name it, reading and memorising quran, charity. I then had to return to UK as my medication for ocd which I got from doctors ran out. Something ended up happening one day and I ended up thinking I was a kafir and ended up stopping praying,and I have lived like that ever since. It's been maybe 8 9 months, and I have stopped praying. I now have so many doubts about islam: I know that islam is the truth and that there is one Allah, but one of my overwhelming doubts is about hellfire for disbelievers;there is this feeling I can't get out of my heart which is that it cannot take place as it is too sad and difficult and scary for those disbelievers to be in hell for absolute eternity; but on the flip side,the reason I always would say the shahada was because of the fear that I MAY have committed kufr and I MAY die a disbeliever and go to hell forever, so that means I DO BELIEVE in it right?? I know rhat someone who has doubts is a Kafir right, and I genuinely have these thoughts like, is islam really true? Maybe it's not, and I WANT to believe islam Is true and that disbelievers WILL go to hell for eternity, but but don't know if I do... Guys,I am actually so lost.. I don't know if I am a Muslim as i don't pray at all, but I have said the shahada and I believe in islam, but I have doubts... I love reading the quran translation and i find islam beautiful and I love its justice and it makes perfect sense and I hate it when people talk bad about islam, i have sort of protective jealousy over islam... I was born a Muslim and in a Muslim household but wasn't practising most my life.... I don't know what to do, my main fear and concern in life is going to hell for eternity... but I struggle so much to be a Muslim, I have exited and joined islam seemingly well over a hundred times ( a lot of those times were probably not the case but a lot I probably did leave islam),when I was in the Muslim land, all I desired was to be a practising Muslim till I die, and i would make dua to Allah to protect me from all Kufr and shirk and I really just wanted to be a Muslim, its all I really cared about to be honest.... I've lost all my motivation and I have so many doubts and I'm so confused and far away from Allah and I don't want to go to hell either.... I also would REALLY struggle to make wudu and pray salah due to extreme ocd and intrusive thoughts, so even practicing islam was difficult. Also there's so many things in my head,i don't use my middle finger when picking up things sometimes as it is a swear word and I feel like I'm committing kufr as I may be aiming it to disrespect Allah, all this kind of nonsense is stuck in my brain. I even sometimes won't put my foot on the ground if the quran is playing in my house as I feel like I'm disrespecting it. I'm genuinely slightly mentally ill and am just demotivated,lost and confused. I want to be a Muslim and continue to be a Muslim until the day die,but i need serious help,so what do I do?