Al-jawab billahi at-taufeeq (the answer with Allah's guidance)
1) All scholars have no dispute about the point that it is prohibited for Muslim females (including pregnant women) to frequently visit the cemetery. This is due to the authentic Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H.) who said : " May Allah curse the women who are frequently visiting the cemetery " (Authentic, Tirmithi).
But if the visit is not frequent , most scholars say it is Makrouh ( disliked action ).
In the Hanafi School, it is permissible for old women to visit graves provided no act which is contrary to the Shariah, is practiced. If there is a fear of loud crying, wailing or the intermingling with men, then it will be impermissible.
As far as the young women are concerned, if the above mentioned conditions are met with, then it is permissible, although disliked.
If a female visits the grave to remember death and soften without crying, there is nothing wrong if they are old. It is Makrooh if they are young (Shaami vol. 1 p. 665 - Maajidiyya)
It is stated in one of the foremost references for Fatawa in the Hanafi School al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:
“The Scholars differed about women visiting graves. Imam al-Sarakhsi (Allah have mercy on him) said: The most correct opinion is that it is not wrong”. (al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, V.5, p. 350).
The great Hanafi jurist, Allama Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states in his Radd al-Muhtar (Super commentary on al-Haskafi's Durr al-Mukhtar, and one considered a fundamental source in the Hanafi School):
“The soundest opinion in the School is that it is permissible for women to visit the graves. Al-Ramali said: “If they visit graves to renew their sorrows, or to cry and wail, as is the customary practice of many, then it is not permissible. This is how the Prophetic Hadith “Allah has cursed women who visit graves” is understood. However, if they visit for contemplation, compassion and seeking Baraka, then it is not wrong if they are elderly. It is disliked if they are young” (V.2, P.242).
2) Dua's that can be read.
Below is an extract from Talimul Haq:
*There are many supplications that may be read at the grave side, the best being the recital of the Holy Quraan. Stand facing the grave (back towards the Qiblah) and recite as much of the Quraan as possible and make Dua for the Maghfirat (forgiveness) of the departed. A few ways of praying for the dead, as related in the Ahadith, are given hereafter;
Recite Sura Ikhlaas 11 times.
It is related in a Hadith that whoever visits the Qabrastaan and recites Surah Ikhlaas 11 times and then prayed for the dead, will be rewarded as many fold as the number of dead in the Qabrastaan.
It has been reported in a Hadith that whoever visits the Qabrastaan and recites Surahs:
Faatihah: Ikhlaas: Takathur:
And then prays for the dead, the people of the grave will also ask Allah for such a person's forgiveness.
Recite Surah Yaseen . In a Hadith it is reported that if a person recites Surah Yaseen in the Qabrastaan, the punishment of the dead will be eased and the reciter will be rewarded just as much as the dead.
In this manner the Sahaabah of Rasulullah visited the Qabrastaan. The words in the Hadith indicate only salutations and Duas for the dead and remembering death. All other ways such as placing wreaths, flowers, paying homage etc. are incorrect according to the Shari'at. One should thus, abstain from acting wrongly.
