Argghh! it angers me alot. When I was younger my parents used to force me to go to these events, I agree with Khalid Bin Walid,

We should encourage brothers and sisters to do things according to the shariah. The sunnah way of getting married is the best way, and is so unique. :) It makes me so upset to see that nowadays people are imitating the ways of the non believes in marriage and are forgetting the sunnah. I heard a story from the friend a few weeks ago about a couple who had planned their wedding, they were so worried about the staging, flower arrangements, henna nights, music, clothes, (oh yes admin, there's another one to add to your list, WEARING REVEALING CLOTHES!), that they forgot about the mahr and weren't bothered at all. I personally thought that they were so disprespectful to the sunnah, and it makes me sad.

I would personally spend money on feeding those people that don't have food at all..

Anyway thats my personal opinion. May Allah (swt) gives us the hidayat to do things accordingto the sunnah and may He makes us aware of the fitna from the events, so that we may put an end to it.

Remember me in your duaas.

Wassalam

Subhanallah, nice to know that the youth of today oppose all these totally unecessary customs(assuming your young!)The only way forward, in my humble opinion is to declare clearly at ur own weddings that non of this nonsense will be tolerated,this is the perfect occasion to throw a full-blown tantrum. Threaten to back out of the wedding if they refuse and hopefully they should come round- after all 'Izat ka sawaal hai!'

I know quite a few bro/sis who have insisted on 'no-frills' weddings, after huge wars,lots of tears from aunts and sisters,they did eventually win, not just that, it becomes an initiative, which inshallah others will follow, and it will provide ppl in similar circumstances with courage to request same.

As nice as the word 'Mufti' looks before my name, unfortunately i'm not. That would be Ulamaa ID 01 (Mufti Yaseen).

As for what you've asked, I think you've answered most of it yourself to why it is okay to do so. Just one addition though, if the bride does Shar'ee Purdah (covering) then there can be no harm as no one but her husband (and Mahram) will see her. But if the wedding is mixed, the bride is displayed in the front row of the stage like a barbie doll and then the 2 or 3 sisters get together before the wedding making sure there's no music etc then obviously the getting together for doing hair face etc will reflect on the occasion hence making it improper.

Every action is judged by intention is a very famous Hadeeth. This Hadeeth can not be used as a getaway nor can it be used to justify actions which follow when one knows what is going to happen. I hope this makes sense.

Wassalam