Children and lie detectors

abu mohammed

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Posted on 21st June 2012 22:35

Salaam,

We all know children are angels and sometimes they can be little devils.

We do our best to give them best islamic knowledge as possible. But how do we get the truth out of them without getting angry at them.

InshaAllah I will give examples of what I do and would appreciate it if you could share your methods.

Jazakallahu khair

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Posted on 21st June 2012 23:07

This is a Good topic but would be even better if we can dedicate It to children tarbiyyah in general.

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abu mohammed

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Posted on 22nd June 2012 07:58

True, but I thought that if we have a title that sounds different, it will attract viewers. There are plenty of tarbiyah threads but not many people would read it thinking they already know about it. This topic will deal with how we get the truth out of the kids using wisdom or other methods.

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Posted on 22nd June 2012 10:00

I won't go into too much detail about how I teach my kids and what kind of parenting we do as this has been discussed here before, inshaAllah if I find the thread, I will add the link here.

This is the most recent incident. My little girl was playing as normal in school with her friends. Some how, accidentally, someone managed to put a small plastic diamond into the ear of her cousin.

No one was owning up as to who did it. Everyone was in denial. The child with the plastic in her ear would not say who did it. My daughter would not say who did it. Eventually the girl ended up in hospital to have it removed. Now all the children were scared. The little finally accused my daughter of doing it. My daughter was in tears from moment it happened for the next 6 hours.

She was very fearful and kept denying everything. She was adamant that she only gave the diamond to the other girl and that's all. Everyone tried their best and even bribed her for speaking the truth.

Eventually everyone was convinced she was telling the truth. 6 hours later she managed to calm down and got back to her normal state. Come bed time, we had our normal chat about the Deen in which she spoke with much understanding, (pretty good for a six year old).

She ended up talking about the angels who note the deeds. I then asked her again if she did it, she still denied it. My next question was "Shall I tell my angels to ask your angels", there was silence. I repeated the question a few times and got no response. She didn't own up but said she would apologize to everyone and would not lie again. She was fearful of getting in trouble and realized that by speaking the truth she would not have been punished. She is very aware of the consequences of lying and hell and promised not to mislead others again.

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Posted on 22nd June 2012 10:07

+"abu mohammed wrote:

I won't go into too much detail about how I teach my kids and what kind of parenting we do as this has been discussed here before, inshaAllah if I find the thread, I will add the link here.

Heres one of them, please take a look, it has some great advice from others too.

www.muftisays.com/forums/sharing-portal/5366/-where-does-...

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Posted on 22nd June 2012 20:29

Masha Allah that topic started off really well then went dry. Your way of tarbiyyah is very good Masha allah.

My daughter Is three. Haven't come across many situations about lying but the one or two times I have, I told her by lying she has made allah very sad and when allah gets sad he does not give what we want, that even the angels have moved away because they couldnt stand the smell coming out of her mouth...(she doesn't like things like that specially the smell part).

Most definitely not as good as above mentioned but it works I guess.

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Posted on 22nd June 2012 20:46

Jazakallah, well actually its not a matter of who's is better. It's more for us to get a better understanding on how to deal with such issues. I don't want to go looking for solutions from the non muslims when we have every thing on our door step.

Jazakallah for sharing. Very good honest approach too.

My son is 11 now, and Alhumdulillah he doesn't lie. But when he was younger I would explain to him that Allah could easily expose us if he wanted but he has kept it a secret. Just imagine if you lie, the word liar was written on your forehead.

Keeping this in mind, every time there was an issue I would ask him if he was speaking the truth. I soon noticed that he learnt how to tell the truth without lying, which became very annoying, because he found a way round. For example, if I asked him if he did so and so, he would reply by saying that he did another so and so, but at the same time he would not deny the first.

When I got to situations like that, I would tell him to go and look in the mirror and see If the word liar was on his forehead. If he refused to go, I knew he was saying the truth, but if he went towards the mirror, I knew something was wrong and then I would explain all over again and eventually the whole truth would come out.

And guess what, he uses that tactic now with his sister.

Alhumdulillah.

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Posted on 22nd June 2012 22:43

Barakallah feeh!

Will other brothers and sisters not share their parenting skills too? Please Insha Allah.

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Posted on 23rd June 2012 10:26

It's really important that an adult never lies to a child, I.e. you can have chocolate later. If you have no intention of doing what your saying, don't say it even if its to make them behave. By an adult saying something that is not acted out, causes the child to mistrust you, and you are in fact teaching your child to lie. If you say something ensure that you carry it out, this way the child will not hold doubt in anything you say, and will always beleive and trust in what you say.

It's like the respected ulamah teach us, 'you reap what you sow'.

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Posted on 23rd June 2012 10:35

Our behavior and actions speak louder then words. The following are examples of what many parents do that have a negative affect on our children:
- telling the child to tell someone at the door that they are not in
- telling the child to say something untrue if they are questioned by someone, even if its harmless, this is not allowed
- same when the phone rings, telling the child to say you are not in
- telling the child to fabricate why they did not attend school or madressa
Etc...

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Posted on 23rd June 2012 10:44

By doing the above, although it may seem harmless, without us even realizing we are indirectly teaching our children to lie.

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Posted on 23rd June 2012 12:16

Taalibah wrote:

Reminded me of this hadith:

'Abdullah İbn 'Aamir Ibn Rabi'ah (رضي الله عنه) said that, "The Messenger of Allaah صلى الله عليه وسلم came to our house when I was an infant, and I went out to play. My mother said, 'Abdullaah! Come here and I will give you [something].' The Messenger of Allaah صلى الله عليه وسلم said, 'What do you mean to give him?' She answered, 'I mean to give him a date.' The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, 'If you had not done that it would have been written against you as a lie.'" [Abu Dawood, 4991]

And:

Az-Zuhri (رحمه الله) mentioned that Abu Hurayra (رضي الله عنه) said, "Someone who says to an infant, 'Come and get a date!' and does not give him anything, then it is a lie." [Ahmad, 2:452]

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abu mohammed

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Posted on 23rd June 2012 12:23

Jazakallahu khair. I posted the same but in my own words but lost signal and didn't go through. But this is much better.

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Posted on 26th June 2012 17:54

mashallah brother abu mohammed this is a wonderful topic. Our children are our zakhirahs and we really need to do their tarbiya strongly. Initially I felt parenting is so easy. Just raising a child what else. But now I know what it actually means when my 4 yr old son behaves aggressively. He normally fibs when it comes to chocolates...He asks his grandmother for chocolates and when she tells him to ask me he says ammi said yes. Thats when I tell him abdullah u said something that is wrong( I never use the word lies with him) If you tell things that are wrong Allah will be very very angry and then he wont giv u chocolates any more. Thats when it affects him but again only sometimes. when he understands what i mean he tells his grandmother daadi I am sorry I wont say wrong things again .. now give me chocolates...
Well this incident now what I am going to talk about is what happened in his school which his teacher told me and she laughed over it. She said since hes an hyper active child he doesnt sit in one place. He troubled her so much that she had to make him stand in the corner... so he tells her teacher I am small na so if u make me stand in the corner Allah will no giv u jannat... The teacher laughed so much and said for everything he says if i do this Allah will giv u jannat or will not give u jannat .... she asked me where did he get this training from .. I said directly from the above (thats what he says when asked who taught u to talk all this that too to your teacher)....

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Posted on 26th June 2012 18:37

Wrt to parenting being easy or hard, I always tell everyone "Your child is your teacher". InshaAllah, it all comes naturally with the help of Allah. We learn as we go along.

Another important thing to remember is the Hadith about how we treat people, i.e. if we gave been bad to someone, than Allah will create someone to be bad to us. Therefore always be kind, polite and truthful towards everyone, especially your parents. Can you imagine or children treating us the way we treat our parents. Can you imagine our children lying to us the way we lie to our parents.

What ever goes round, comes round.

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