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#31 [Permalink] Posted on 22nd December 2010 21:37

Rabeeah bin Akeel came to Hadhrat Muawiyyah and said, "Oh Leader of the Muslims, I would like to rebuild my house". He asked him "Where is your house?," Rabeeah replied "It is in Basrah on a few miles of land". Hadhrat Muawiyyah asked "Is your house in Basrah or is Basrah in your House?"
 

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#32 [Permalink] Posted on 24th December 2010 18:53
A man, on observing his reflection in a well, raised the alarm and informed his mother, "There is a thief in the well". His mother had a look and confirmed, you are right and there is also a bad woman with him"
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#33 [Permalink] Posted on 27th December 2010 00:10
A fool was asked about his date of birth. He replied "first moon of the 15th of Ramadhan, three days after Eid. Now work it out yourself".
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#34 [Permalink] Posted on 29th December 2010 12:14
A fool on noticing the minaret of the central mosque wondered, who was the long man that made this minaret. Another fool replied, "Shut up you ignorant man, have you ever seen somebody as tall as a minaret in reality. This minaret was made on the floor and then raised"

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#35 [Permalink] Posted on 30th December 2010 00:11
A man with a long beard was riding an unsteady donkey. The donkey angered the man so he cruelly started beating it. When some one told him to take it easy, he argued and said "If it cant walk, why did it become a donkey?"
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#36 [Permalink] Posted on 31st December 2010 00:07
A conversation between a Muqallid and a Ghair Muqallid.

Ghair Muqallid says The word taqleed is not found in the Quran, so of what benefit is taqleed?

Muqallid says: "The word Janazah is not found in the Quraan, therefore there is no benefit in Janazah. You do not need to worry; we will bury you without Janazah."
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#37 [Permalink] Posted on 1st January 2011 12:21
A fool returned from some journey. A man asked him "when did you return". He replied "Tomorrow". The man said "If you had come today, I would have asked you regarding somebody". Then he asked him "when are you going to return?" He replied "Yesterday". The man remarked, "If only I had met you yesterday, I would have sent a letter with you".

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#38 [Permalink] Posted on 2nd January 2011 12:58
Abdullah bin Muhammad relates "I asked a man that how many days are remaining in this month?" He replied "By Allah, I am not from this city."
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#39 [Permalink] Posted on 3rd January 2011 22:16
A fool consoling a man on his brothers's death said "May Allah give you a big reward and have mercy on your brother and save him from the questions of Gog and Magog". All those present noticed his mistake and began to laugh at him and asked "Is it Gog and Magog that will question?" He replied "May Allah curse the devil, my tongue slipped. I wanted to say Harooth and Marooth".

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#40 [Permalink] Posted on 4th January 2011 21:40
it looks like the jokes posted on my blog are finished.

Shame, all those people who were only getting to read the jokes one at a time. You should have seen the lot in one go. Once you start, you cant stop.

Never mind, InshaAllah i will add more soon
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#41 [Permalink] Posted on 5th January 2011 16:22
This is from a book called, "Laughter, the best Medicine"

www.azharacademy.com/scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=1531

One day, Mullah Nasruddin decided to go fishing. He called upon his good friend Rabbi Moishe, got their poles and bait together, rented a small rowboat at the local harbor, and off to sea they went. After an amazing afternoon of fishing, the two men had caught thirty fish. An elated Mullah Nasruddin said to Rabbi Moishel, "Better mark this spot so we can come here tomorrow!"

The next day Mullah Nasruddin met up with Rabbi Moishe at the rental harbor for another day of fishing.

"Did you mark the spot?" Mullah Nasruddin asked Rabbi Moishe confidentially.

"Of couse," replied Rabbi Moishe, "I painted a big white X on the bottom of the rowboat."

"You fool!" Shouted Mullah Nasruddin and slapped his forehead, "What if we can't rent that same boat today?!?!?"
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#42 [Permalink] Posted on 12th January 2011 14:24
Holy joke


Serious reaction to a spoof news article tells us plenty about humour and religion, says Brian Whitaker

Quote:
Brian Whitaker, guardian.co.uk, Monday 10 January 2005 11.55 GMT Article history, An intriguing news item was emailed to me last week. The CIA, it said, is trying to infiltrate Muslim groups, both in the US and abroad, by training its agents to act as muezzins in mosques.

The muezzin is the man who summons the faithful to prayer, traditionally by climbing to the top of a minaret five times a day to issue his call. This places him in a uniquely useful position, according to a senior US intelligence officer quoted in the report.

"He is a highly respected member of Islamic society and, as such, almost beyond suspicion," the quote said. "Not only that, but the towers provide a perfect vantage point for our agents to see what is going on at ground level."

The CIA opened its first muezzin school at a deserted army airstrip in Virginia in 1989, with the school being specially equipped with six minarets from which its agents could practise, the report said. It added that the CIA was now capable of producing up to 100 qualified muezzins each year.

Asked about the difficulties of mastering the adhan - the call to prayer - in Arabic, one former CIA muezzin was quoted as saying: "Oh sure, it's hard as hell. The adhan is a ...., let me tell you. It takes months and months of hard work. And if you haven't got the voice in the first place, there's jus' no way."

Wondering about the source of this tale, I searched the internet and found that it was published by khilafah.com, a website linked to the dour Islamist group, Hizb ut-Tahrir, on December 25.

This confirms two things about khilafah.com, Hizb ut-Tahrir, and their kind - firstly that they are willing to believe any old rubbish that happens to fit their view of the world, and secondly that they have no sense of humour whatsoever.

The muezzin story, written in the style of an American news agency report, begins quite plausibly, but becomes dafter and dafter. At one point, the former CIA officer - who refers to Muslims as "the Muzzies" - is asked whether anyone noticed he was a foreigner while he was performing his muezzin duties. "Oh, that was fine," he replies. "They taught us at the school how to cover our faces in boot polish so we looked darker than we really were."

The entire story is a joke. It first appeared more than three years ago on a satirical website called ......, under the headline "CIA scales new heights in war against ragheads".

Khilafah.com amended this to read: "CIA scales new heights in war against Islam", but otherwise reproduced the story unchanged.

The ....... sounds like the name of a newspaper - but ...... is a lump of granite sticking out of the Atlantic ocean, halfway between Ireland and Iceland. It is 30 metres long, 25 metres wide and 19 metres high, and its only permanent inhabitants are periwinkles and a few other types of mollusc. Periwinkles do not read newspapers.

There are plenty of clues on the ...... website to show it might not be what it seems - public health announcements such as "Your doctor or pharmacist can advise on how to get the most from smoking", and a headline saying "Asian tsunami catastrophe: UK house prices unaffected", for example.

It also includes a guide for immigrants to the UK, explaining that British families like to keep dogs and cats - but not elderly grandparents - in their homes, and that, as a special privilege, children living on council estates are not required to have a crash helmet or driving licence when riding stolen motorbikes.

Perhaps the Islamists at khilafah.com didn't notice any of this. Or perhaps they read it avidly, as proof of British decadence.

A few weeks after the September 11 attacks, I talked to a group of Muslims (not of the khilafah.com variety) in London. They were worried about the growth of Islamophobia and media stereotypes portraying Muslims as violent, misogynistic, stern, humourless people.

The most useful thing they could do about that, I suggested - only half-flippantly - was to collect jokes and amusing anecdotes and publish them as the Bumper Book of Muslim Humour. After all, Jewish humour is renowned, and it has probably done more over the years to counter anti-semitism than all the efforts of the Anti-Defamation League.

Interestingly, a search on Google for Jewish humour (or "humor") found 90,800 web pages. A similar search for Muslim humour found only 973, and the first item asked: "Is there such a thing as Muslim humour?"


Hah! Any way, one cant trust anyone these days.

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#43 [Permalink] Posted on 12th January 2011 15:02
Once Nasreddin was invited to deliver a sermon. When he got on the pulpit, he asked, Do you know what I am going to say? The audience replied "no", so he announced, I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about! and left.
The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time, when he asked the same question, the people replied yes. So Nasreddin said, Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time! and left.
Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - Do you know what I am going to say? Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "yes" while the other half replied "no". So Nasreddin said Let the half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the half who don't, and left.
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#44 [Permalink] Posted on 12th January 2011 15:03
A neighbour came to the gate of Mulla Nasreddin's yard. The Mulla went to meet him outside.
"Would you mind, Mulla," the neighbour asked, "lending me your donkey today? I have some goods to transport to the next town."
The Mulla didn't feel inclined to lend out the animal to that particular man, however. So, not to seem rude, he answered:
"I'm sorry, but I've already lent him to somebody else."
All of a sudden the donkey could be heard braying loudly behind the wall of the yard.
"But Mulla," the neighbour exclaimed. "I can hear it behind that wall!"
"Who do you believe," the Mulla replied indignantly. "The donkey or your Mulla?"[
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#45 [Permalink] Posted on 12th January 2011 15:57
A young man in a village refused to believe that Allah has total control of everything. He claimed that Allah cannot make him eat food if he didn't want to eat. To prove his point, he decided to stay hungry for a day and see if Allah can make him eat. His mother tried her best to stop this foolishness but he paid no attention. Annoyed of his mother in the evening, he decided to climb a tree and isolate himself there. Being compassionate, his mother decided to leave the food under the tree incase her son finally gives up and wants to eat. When the night fell, a group of robbers were passing by that tree. They noticed a plate of delicious food placed under the tree. They looked at each other in amazement and thought that someone must be playing a trick on them. May be someone is trying to poison them with good food. They looked around to see if there was anyone nearby and noticed the young man on top of the tree. The robbers got him down and told him to eat the food to see if it is poisoned. But the young man refused to eat as he is still carrying on his challenge against Allah. The robbers became suspicious and started beating the young man to eat. He gave up and started eating. Seeing that the food was not poisoned, the robbers left him and went away. Finally, the young man admitted that yes, Allah has total control of everything!
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