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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 12:57

Acacia wrote:
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Agreed, 100%. Some people think that the whole world is Gujrati in ethnicity and Deobandi in Manhaj.  Some mothers are pure EVIL and Islamically its permissable to break contact with them to SAVE oneself from their evil and harm. A lrage number of mothers try to (directly or indirectly) break the marriages of their sons etc. and you are left with no choice but to control the situation for the sake of your family and children.

[edit: post edited]

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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 13:06
This post has been reported. It could be due to breaking rules or something as simple as bad use of bbcodes which breaks the page format. We will attend to this soon.
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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 13:15
This post has been reported. It could be due to breaking rules or something as simple as bad use of bbcodes which breaks the page format. We will attend to this soon.
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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 14:40
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Most certainly I did not mean to diminish the pain such children have or do face. When I say 'strict' I do not mean evil. I sincerely apologize if anything I have posted has left anyone feeling slighted, singled out, or feel any pain or sadness.
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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 14:54

Acacia wrote:
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You didn't but I did to make a point. A mother can be pure EVIL just like anyone else can be pure EVIL.

A flawed understanding of Shariah is causing major problems within the Muslim community e.g. people are petrified of making their mothers upset when what is being demanded is unreasonable and contrary to Islamic Shariah. Islam overrides every other consideration or “should” in our lives. If a (Muslim) mother behaves according to Shariah then she is worthy of such a rank but if she behaves contrary to Shariah then she should be respected and honoured (as she is a mother) but a child shouldn’t be petrified. If a mother tells her daughter not to wear Niqab or tells her son to shave the Beard off or goes beyond that becomes pure vindictive evil, poison filled snake then she isn’t deserving of such a lofty rank in Shariah (at all).

The problem with this thread is that it assumes every mother is heavenly Sunnah, compliant and lovely when as you say reality is pretty different.

I gave pointed examples of these occurrences but the Moderators have waved their magic wand and chosen to censor my words because it involved Tassawuff or whatever...

My father’s first wife died during labour so he married my mother. All her life my mother has looked after us (her children) and someone else’s children like her own until we don’t even distinguish between each other. Everyone knows and realises that but people like my mother are rare commodity in this world, 

My father passed away of cancer making dua for my mother and in absolute gratitude to her but there are plenty of pure EVIL mothers I know.

most of the time in scenarios like ours stories are different.

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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 15:04
Right so there are other posts in the same thread off topic and they stay and mine get removed and shelved off? Disconnected from the original topic it sounds like incoherent RANT with no purpose when it was on the subject, pertinent and backed by examples.

Why have the Mods decided to do this?
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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 15:18
Salam,

The original thread was on virtues/sacrifices of mother. It turned negative with your points so it was better split so your topic can continue if needed.

PS. An authoriser accidentally moved this thread to debates. It's now restored "People's Say"
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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 15:58
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته brother Muadh_Khan: don't worry, we got this covered insha'Allah. Please change the subject line to something appropriate and insha'Allah I will post a redirect to this post from that thread so that anyone who reads the thread will benefit from both insha'Allah.

Those of us who are blessed with good mothers definitely have a lot to be grateful to Allah Ta'aala for - not just for the mothers He has blessed us with but also the opportunity He blessed us with to be compassionate and caring, helpful and supportive, towards those who do not or those who never got a chance to get to know their mothers in this world.

JazakAllah khayran for highlighting this. Some issues need more noise than others.

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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 17:30
...ok...
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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 17:39
umar123 wrote:
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What do you mean brother Umar123?

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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 19:15
Not sure what happened here but from the first post I get the gist. The discussion of bad mothers of which there are a lot of examples, could have been included without the remarks made in that post.

I had a student who wanted to be more "practicing". She began by performing salaah and fasting in Ramadhaan. She was actually told by her mum not to pray/fast and this a Muslim family. Now that is obviously not what one would call a good mother. So how do we advice the student? Alhamdulillah we simply told her to continue without getting aggressive towards the mum and if need be, to perform salaah in in the privacy of her room so that the mum doesn't say something which may lead to kufr. Eventually the mum also started praying and fasting.

As for mothers who come between the son and his wife, this is quite common among all ethnicities. Mothers who are possessive and who adore their sons become quite jealous of the woman who now has the son's attention. These situations have to be handled with care by experienced elders or Ulama or the son often looses out on either the mother or the wife and both have rights over him.

These examples of bad mothers however does not negate their status as a mother. A person will still be required to do his/her duty to the mother and I've come to this conclusion due to the fact even those who revert to Islam are advised to treat their parents with respect and serve them and do as they ask unless what they're asking is against the commands of Allah.
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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 4th December 2013 19:55
بسم الله الرحمن اللرحيم

JazakAllah khayran sister ummi taalib, excellent points. I too know people who fall into such categories.

~~~

These are delicate issues and there are some things that are just really beyond comprehension - perhaps it stems from some sort of mental illness or genuine, pure evil, or perhaps we all have that capacity but alhamdulillah we are able to keep clear of it. Allahu alam.

A recent example is of one mother (non-Muslim) who, with her husband who is also the step-father to the children, kept her 3 daughters locked up and abused in a house for years before 2 of them escaped, were helped, and the third was then also rescued. I don't doubt that this sort of thing and worse can and does happen in families - including Muslim families. This is just a part of humanity unfortunately. So, I can see the pain and struggle, and confusion a person might feel at having to deal with such a mother. It might be helpful to guide them and those around them so that nobody is complacent - especially in countries where there are strict laws against such acts. Ultimately this type of treatment is oppression, it is illegal, it is immoral too. Yes, she is the mother and we will not mistreat our mothers regardless, but it isn't always clear how we should deal with such situations and perhaps too many people shy away from this.

As for mother-in-laws, I completely agree that this is a very delicate issue with women's emotions on both sides and men who are in such situations should definitely consult scholars - especially since they are in the middle of the mess and being pulled from both sides can cloud their judgement.

Some things need to be better defined for our communities so that we aren't second-guessing ourselves or doing anything that might actually be unIslamic. Best to defer to scholars then... our experts who have spent years studying Qur'an, hadeeth, the life of Rasulullah (s.a.w.) and the lives of the Sahabah رضي الله عنه, and more. There were oppressive and cruel situations in some families who were opposed to Islam and in their suffering are lessons for us insha'Allah.

It would be great if we could pull some resources from reliable sources on this issue here insha'Allah.
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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 5th December 2013 00:18
Muadh_Khan wrote:
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السلام عليكم

Can you post any fatwa or scholarly advice regarding this?
Didn't Rasoolullah (saw) tell a sahabi to keep in contact with his Mushrik mother. Yes we are not obliged to obey them in anything going against the shariah. But are you sure that there is permission for us to break relationship?

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#14 [Permalink] Posted on 5th December 2013 07:37

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Apples and oranges Dr Saheb,

You are talking about staying in touch with Mushrik mother and I am talking about saving oneself and family from the EVIL machinations and planning of a mother who is bent on destroying the Dunya and Aakhira of a person.

We are obligated to obey our parents and to respect and cherish them and in case of problems we are supposed to refer the matter to Ulamah for advice.

And in extreme cases it is permissible to break away to save oneself, where did you get the idea that it’s impermissible? Still then you are supposed to make dua for your parents and do your utmost to mend the situation.

I know of a Revert brother whose mother (by evil) kept sneaking pork to their children, preaching about Christianity and stuff like that, do you think Shariah advises a person to ignore these things and carry on?

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#15 [Permalink] Posted on 5th December 2013 08:34
ummi taalib wrote:
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Exactly.

Apa if a man is not man enough to stand up to his mom and tell her if she behaves or does anything contrary to the shariah (with regards to her daughter-in-law etc.), then he's not fit to be a husband. Its upon the husband/son to navigate between his mom and wife, ensuring that neither parties rights are infringed upon or tampered with. If any issues arise between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law its the husbands responsibility to tell his mum where she's wrong and tell his wife where she's wrong. When MIL&DIL problems go out of hand, then it just means that husband/son is a thoroughbred NINCOMPOOP.
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