Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days, it is extremely difficult to expose our children to an ideal Islamic environment given the influences from media, friends and even other members of the family. With television, radio, Internet and forms of media mostly touting un-Islamic values, it is up to parents and adults close to the children to set the correct example.
It is almost impossible to shield our children from all the negative forces that can shape their minds and, ultimately, their behaviour. However, by our own example and showing them better options, we can set them on the true path, which is to obey the commandments of Allah سبحانه وتعالى and our Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him).
Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values:
1. Start by teaching them the importance of Worshipping only Allah: The best thing any Muslim parent could ever teach their children is to emphasize, from the day they can comprehend, that Allah سبحانه وتعالى is One and no one is worthy of worship except Allah سبحانه وتعالى. This is the fundamental message of our Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) and it is our key to Paradise.
2. Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we were kind to our children, they in turn would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) was the best example in being kind to children.
3. Teach them examples of Muslim heroes: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes such as Abu Bakr, Umar ibn Khattab, Othman bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib and others. Tell them how Muslim leaders brought a real peaceful change in the world and won the hearts of Muslims and non-Muslims alike.
4. Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially when listening to Islamic lectures. The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) would often put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.
5. Make them feel important: Consult them in family matters. Let them feel they are important members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and well being of the family.
6. Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them YOUR COMPANY.
7. Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children feel a sense of pride when their parents' praise them and will be keen to perform other good deeds. However, praise must be limited to Islamic deeds and deeds of moral value.
8. Avoid humiliation: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children make mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.
9. Sports: The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged sports such as swimming, running and horse riding. Other sports that build character and physical strength are also recommended, as long as the children maintain their Islamic identity, wear appropriate clothes and do not engage in unnecessary mixing.
10. Responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.
11. Don't spoil them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid extravagance and unnecessary luxuries. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.
12. Don't be friends: It is common in the West for parents to consider their children as friends. In Islam, it doesn't work that way. If you have ever heard how friends talk to each other, then you will know that this is not how a parent-child relationship should be. You are the parents, and they should respect you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited to you and them keeping an open dialog so they can share their concerns with you and ask you questions when they have any.
13. Pray with them: Involve them in acts of worship. When they are young, let them see you in act of Salaah (prayers). Soon, they would be trying to imitate you. Wake them up for Fajr and pray as a family. Talk to them about the rewards of salaah so that it doesn't feel like a burden to them.
14. Emphasize Halaal: It is not always good to say 'this is haraam, that is haraam'. While you must educate them on Haraam things, Islam is full of Halaal and tell your children to thank Allah سبحانه وتعالى for the bounties He has bestowed on them- not just for food and clothes. Tell them to be thankful for having eyes that see, ears that hear, arms and legs and, the ultimate blessing, Islam in their hearts.
15. Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to others, your children will follow too. Islam is filled with Divine advice on the best ways to bring up your children. That makes it an obligation upon parents to be good Muslims so their children will try to emulate them. If you don't take Islam seriously, neither will your children. It goes back to our third point, which is to give them Islamic heroes.
Mashallah brother wonderful topic. May Allah help us raise our children as a momin not jus a muslim . ameen. So true. Reading these tips on parenting reminded me of an icident which maulana umar palanpuri said in one of his lectures. A man comes to maulana sahab dressed in shirt pant, clean shave and tells him, "maulana sahab , We have everything in the world and we live a wonderful life (he and his wife) and besides we listen to your lectures as well. We want our children to be like hassan hussain, obedient, with islamic moral values and our zakhira for the aakhirat." Maulana sahab smiled at him and said, " Ofcourse it is possible in todays world also for your children to be like hassan hussain provided you and your wife become like ali and fatma."
families should eat together at least once a day if possible
when they come back from school or college or work if we ask them how their day was their faces light up
we must as parents be also open to criticism and suggestions from our children
other wise some end up as "toxic parents"forever manipulating and belittling their own children
this is disastrous and such a stupid strategy
for e,g ..if you dont pray you will go to hell
if you dont obey us you are cursed
you are a disgrace because you dont wear hijab or dont have a beard
have a weekly family meeting and let everyone say their piece
just listen and listen some more
let the siblings also vent issues they have with each other
and resolve them with fairness and wisdom
you will be surprised how much they will tell you about their world and learn how things have changed from when you were a teenager
i think its safe to say they live and deal with more challenging situations in college and school than we did..well im 47..and even though im a british born muslim,i feel for what they have to deal with nowadays
This cannot be undone and I am sure it will be greatly appreciated.
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