Please refer to this question parenting . stackexchange . com/questions/24171/i-am-21-and-i-am-terrified-beyond-belief-of-my-father
I am a 21 year old female living in Egypt and I am beyond terrified of my own father...at least i think he is my father. To say it shortly i think i might be adopted at a young age and no one told me about it.
In Egypt, daughters must carry the same name as the father my name is different than my father's hence the conclusion of being adopted.
On to the actual topic; I have been living in fear of my father since I was 6 years old. He left my mother and I since I was five and married another woman behind our backs. I have despised him ever since but my mother would have me spend every Friday with him and his family even though she hates it.
My father would hit me and yell at me since I was three and still is until now. His yells send cold chills down my spine and once I actually peed myself from fear when I was 20!
I don't think this is healthy, living in fear all my life to the extent that I have to motivate myself a couple of times before walking out of the house.
My mother died when I was 12 and I was forced to live with my father and his family which brought on more fear and anxiety because his wife hated my guts along with her oldest daughter.
My health is starting to deteriorate due to the constant fear and anxiety I have. I cant move out because my father won't allow it. I don't have any friends willing to take me in for a few weeks and my father wont allow it either, and I seem to have no other option than to just wait for my death.
Yeah... I have been constantly thinking that death is the only way out from this misery... I wont lie and say that I haven't thought of suicide... because I have... A LOT! If it weren't forbidden in my religion I think i would have done it a long time ago.
I just want help as to what I should do? Talking is not an option because my father is not the type to talk to... he is like a ticking time bomb; a grenade with the pin out.
What should I do to stop this constant feeling of anxiety and terror from my father? How could I escape this life I call my prison?