Raising Muslim Children In America
Islam Online, Virginia
Raising Muslim children in America is a major concern for Muslim parents. Naturally every parent wants their child to be better than themselves. It is a natural instinct of the mother and father. Nobody can replace it. Still, parents are not the only ones needed to raise a good child. Extended family or parents' family friends and their social circle are necessary, at least to make easier the grand task of the parents.
There is no formula or even some sort of multiple-choice guideline, which a parent can follow. Raising each child is a very customized undertaking. Within in the same family, two children can be vastly different. The changing environment that each child is raised in greatly affects that child. For example, younger, less experienced parents surround the first child. They do not have the wisdom and patience that comes with the practical experience of parenting. First-time parents worry about making mistakes; they follow books or their own childhood experiences to the letter, looking for guidance.
The second child is reared in a totally distinct environment. The parents are now more mature and have developed a level of experience and wisdom. Now the second child needs more attention, but the first is used to receiving that attention. The needs of the two children are very different, regardless of whether they are the same gender or of different genders. While the older child may be starting to learn things from television and other external influences. The parent has to take on the role of a coach for this child - keeping a very close eye on what he or she is doing and warning or encouraging behavior.
So, as parents, we have to continuously change the rules, conditions, and criteria while maintaining the same principle of raising a good Muslim. Parents must have a vision for their child, even when he or she is very young. As a Muslim parent our vision must be our children grow to become Islamic role models and play an important part in making society a better place. They need, more than anything, a quality education in Qur'an and sunnah, and they need to appreciate the importance of this education. Whether you want your child to be a doctor, engineer, teacher, or lawyer, a good Islamic education will be the foundation they need for success.
As Muslim parents, we should be concerned that, at the end of their lives, our children leave a legacy of Islam, not wealth. Again, this applies equally to both our sons and our daughters. Allah سبحانه وتعالى gave them both the same right of education and we should not lower the standard of religious education or bend the guidelines of Islam because we will be accountable for this on the Day of Judgment. Islamic values are the key to success in this life and the next.
To attain this vision for our children, parents, both the father and the mother, must first educate themselves. Then they must both agree on their goals for their children and must respect one another. Like members of a team, they must work together to make-up for each other's shortcomings.
1. Shared Responsibility - Both mother and father have equal (but not the same) roles in raising their daughters.
2. Fear of Allah سبحانه وتعالى - it will help us make the right decision. Children are a blessing and a test for their parents.
3. Education - Parents have an unconditional desire to raise their children the best way they know how. Learn the skills necessary to achieve that because no one else can do the job of the parents. The best tools are the Qur'an, Sunnah, patience, wisdom, and kindness.
4. Islam - Use Islam as a way of life from the first day of your children's lives. This will pay off as they enter more difficult periods of their lives, and especially when the questions of hijab, dating, and marriage come up.
5. Environment - Good parent relationships, sibling relationships, and the overall home environment provides the primary influence for young children. As they get older, their sphere of influence grows to include friends, school, community, media, etc. Closely monitor and discuss these environmental changes.
6. Communication - Be a good communicator. The whole system of civilization depends on communication. Fathers play a very important role in this area. The better the communication with the father, the stronger the child will be. With respect to the mother, good communication will yield better companion and care-giving qualities
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This applies for urban population of major cities in India.
Let me add:
Islamic teaching teaches us to behave well in front of children, even new born infants.
To prove that.
Children of one and half year who can't speak more than one word are operating smartphones, right from charging to going to their choice of YouTube video.
Who taught them. They learnt through observations.
This cannot be undone and I am sure it will be greatly appreciated.
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