Domestic Violence - Are you a Victim?

You have contributed 17.5% of this topic

Thread Tools
Topic Poll
Domestic Violence




Please vote to view the results or click here to see results
Appreciate
Topic Appreciation
sweetmuslimahk1, queenie, muslimah101, abu mohammed, Taalibah
9 guests appreciate this topic.
#31 [Permalink] Posted on 28th January 2011 12:34
if those men followed the sunnah,then they wouldnt be abusing their wifes. or wifes abusing their husbands.
report post quote code quick quote reply
+1 -0Like x 1
back to top
Yasin's avatar
London, UK
5,569
Brother
244
Yasin's avatar
#32 [Permalink] Posted on 28th January 2011 14:11
Quote:
During the interview the police said to her that the majority of cases of domestic violence in our area are from Muslim homes...she was shocked!


Maybe the area has a lot of Muslims?
Or maybe the non-Muslim domestic violence isn't categorised by religion?, only when it's Islam?
Or maybe they consider Hindus, Sikhs and anyone remotely asian to be a Muslim?

I don't think I believe what the police said
report post quote code quick quote reply
+1 -0Like x 1Agree x 1
back to top
Rank Image
queenie's avatar
Offline
DuNyA
676
Sister
186
queenie's avatar
#33 [Permalink] Posted on 31st January 2011 10:00
Terrifying.

If only every individual followed the right way of life, Islam, then there would be no controversy, no opposing etc. As all would be one.
But then again, this life is just a test. We are being tested in all forms. Faith in Allah, Sabr and dua is a key factor.

I feel for those who are abused. I know of a few cases. And it makes u think, does the abuser not know about being a True Muslim? Does the abuser not realise, this world is short lived and temporary? Does the abuser not know rights of a spouse? Does the abuser not know the punishment for abusing?

I also feel that those close in a family who know fully about the abuse is just as guilty as the abuser if they know and allow it to continue with out trying to take action.

But this also reminds me of the victims in certain countries such as Africa where little girls are rape victims. Some cases are little baby girls are rape victims because they believe it to be a cure for aids. (sorry, off the topic. Back to domestic violence)
Allah grant us all to be firm followers of the sunnah. Inshallah that would be a solution to all our problems.
report post quote code quick quote reply
No post ratings
back to top
Rank Image
ummi taalib's avatar
Unspecified
1,652
Sister
1,570
ummi taalib's avatar
#34 [Permalink] Posted on 31st January 2011 12:13
queenie wrote:
I also feel that those close in a family who know fully about the abuse is just as guilty as the abuser if they know and allow it to continue with out trying to take action.

Allah grant us all to be firm followers of the sunnah. Inshallah that would be a solution to all our problems.


aameen.
Problem is that many women dont even tell their families, they cover up, laugh and joke and so no one knows. These women are often made to feel everything is their fault and so they feel guilty or ashamed. Many dont want to worry their parents and so continue.

My concern is when a sister confides in you for advise/comfort etc. we can give a few words of comfort but what can we do? How can we help practically? Also one other thing is that we cannot encourage the splitting up or break up of the marraige. We would be outsiders and cannot approach a ghayr mahram (though i would love to give him a peice of my mind and show him what it feels like to be on the receiving end). A family member/friend can hear the other side as well i.e. what does he have to say, why he does do what he does and he can even be helped if Allah ta'ala so wills.

So personally i feel there is nothing to do but to encourage the woman to be brave and tell someone in the family who can help by advising (or even threatening the abusive husband) so that he stops.
report post quote code quick quote reply
No post ratings
back to top
Rank Image
Muadh_Khan's avatar
Offline
UK
9,077
Brother
7,464
Muadh_Khan's avatar
#35 [Permalink] Posted on 31st January 2011 14:03

Asslamo Allaikum,

I was in Hajj a few years ago and a brother disclosed that he was having an affair with another women and because of him bringing this women into his house so the wife was objecting. And he told her, “If you say something I will take a knife and cut your tongue off...”

I was like “What on God’s earth are you doing?”

You are bringing a strange women into your house where you have daughters and then you are doing this?

I basically explained a bit which I understood to be that he was “infatuated with this new woman!”
And since he legally saw no way out he was trying to impose his will.

So I asked him to marry the new woman and divorce the existing wife and that wasn’t an option so I asked for him to take the other woman as the 2nd wife and turned out that the local Maulana/Masjid won’t do it.

So I asked both of them to come to my house and I performed their Nikah and told him “You got what you wanted so you shouldn’t treat the first wife badly...You can divorce her or simply leave her to get on with the kids (she didn’t want a divorce anyways)....”

That seemed to have temporarily solved the issue i.e. he was spending more time with the new wife and sort of ignored the old one, just paid the rent and bought groceries etc...

Not ideal but it seemed to have worked.

I don't know what the ideal solution would have been in this case...
 

report post quote code quick quote reply
No post ratings
back to top
#36 [Permalink] Posted on 31st January 2011 15:10
Muadh_Khan wrote:



So I asked him to marry the new woman and divorce the existing wife




What was the need to say that?Divorce the existing wife!!! without saying that you could have said ok islam allows you four wifes,so marry her and also keep the other with love and care also.

report post quote code quick quote reply
No post ratings
back to top
#37 [Permalink] Posted on 31st January 2011 15:15
Muadh_Khan wrote:






So I asked him to marry the new woman and divorce the existing wife





What was the need to say DIVORCE the existing wife?
could you not just say well islam allows four wifes,marry this one and also treat your first wife with respect and honour.
report post quote code quick quote reply
No post ratings
back to top
Rank Image
Muadh_Khan's avatar
Offline
UK
9,077
Brother
7,464
Muadh_Khan's avatar
#38 [Permalink] Posted on 31st January 2011 15:26

"Anonymous" wrote:
"Muadh_Khan" wrote:
So I asked him to marry the new woman and divorce the existing wife
What was the need to say DIVORCE the existing wife? could you not just say well islam allows four wifes,marry this one and also treat your first wife with respect and honour.

Because if he hated a woman so much that wanted to beat her and cut her tongue with a knife...

Why not let her go and get on with her life?

Why take this rage out of her everyday because "he hated her face" and filled with rage everytime he came home?

Islam has permitted Talaq for a reason.

report post quote code quick quote reply
+1 -0Like x 1Agree x 1
back to top
Rank Image
abu mohammed's avatar
London
20,475
Brother
6,691
abu mohammed's avatar
#39 [Permalink] Posted on 31st January 2011 17:27

"Anonymous" wrote:
"Muadh_Khan" wrote:
So I asked him to marry the new woman and divorce the existing wife
What was the need to say DIVORCE the existing wife? could you not just say well islam allows four wifes,marry this one and also treat your first wife with respect and honour.

Depending on the country he was from, He may not of had the option of a second wife as this would be illegal in non Islamic countries. He would never be able to treat his first wife the same as the second, therefore, he would be in even more Sin.

Divorce is something that is hated by Allah but then again it is Halal, amazing.

report post quote code quick quote reply
No post ratings
back to top
Rank Image
Seifeddine-M's avatar
London
4,757
Brother
4,067
Seifeddine-M's avatar
#40 [Permalink] Posted on 31st January 2011 23:46
Its amazing how they ban plurality of wives, but yet allow a man to practise adultery with as many women as he likes! Saying 'no' to marriage, and 'yes' to the filthy act of adultery. How evil and deluded.
report post quote code quick quote reply
+7 -0Like x 7
back to top