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My Regrets with My Shaykh

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#31 [Permalink] Posted on 12th February 2018 15:01
xs11ax wrote:
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Wasalam, it's ok. Jazakumullah for your reply.

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#32 [Permalink] Posted on 12th February 2018 15:28
Though there are some shuyookh who may be a little off the mark (or well off the mark), there are many shuyookh still left who are upright, senior and pious. Who a) manage to have female mureeds, accept their bayat yet maintain strict shari' requirements with regards to purdah. b) do not mishandle financial funds etc. I know of shuyookh on both ends of the spectrum.

In my opinion, I don't think women staying away from bayat, talluq etc will solve the issue. Staying away from one person is different to avoiding the entire science/branch of deen.

What about Islamic courses (particularly the aalima course) where women are taught by men in their last years?
Or working in Islamic Madrassas, most of which will have male heads that a lady will, at one point or another, have to speak to?

Having studied in a traditional Islamic Institute with male teachers, worked in Islamic Madrassa, schools, maktabs etc, had a few shuyookh in the past, I've come across good and bad in all three fields. When I came across the bad, I just cut the people off from my life but continued in my work. e.g where i studied. Initially I was taken aback when a maulana spoke to me inappropriately, but instead of calling it quits with the institute, I completely ignored him and cut him off. It was hard because he was always around, but I maintained my ground. One place I worked, the Maulana was so jolly it was awkward, over the top and surprising coming from a Maulana. Initially, I completely ignored his existence. The rare occasion where he would come to speak to me i would look in the complete opposite direction, to make it clear from the get go that I'm not his friend like the other women were. It only took a few days for him to change his tune. This is something I've maintained everywhere I work.

So, I'm not denying the aforementioned points in this thread and the peer zulfiqar thread may help, but I think the primary solution lies in people knowing their limits and adhering to them. Sadly, there is fitna everywhere, the test of our times is to put shariah first and navigate out. I seek Allah's refuge from putting any person, organisation or madrassa above His Shariah, whilst also seeking His refuge from undermining any aspect of Shariah due to a person, organisation or madrassa.
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#33 [Permalink] Posted on 12th February 2018 18:20
Through personal observation I noticed that people, especially the youths, are attracted more towards charisma and fame/name by connecting towards a Shaykh because they see others are. What is being mistaken here is that peer-mureedi relationship is more about islah of nafs, but when they come towards the afore-mentioned approach by following the crowd then its more towards following the nafs instead of finding a shaykh who will do the islah of the nafs.

It is very important to first ensure that the Shaykh that is being picked is the right person, and follows the outlines as our Mashaykh have described. One of the criteria is asking the muftis around that area about the personality. One may check or read Qasdus Sabeel of Hazrat Mujadid Millat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (rah) to understand what exactly is this science about.

Reason: Privacy concern
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#34 [Permalink] Posted on 12th February 2018 18:37
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#35 [Permalink] Posted on 12th February 2018 19:35
Muadh_Khan wrote:
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That is sad.

But what's so bad about marrying a sufi woman?

Her seeking counsel from a Shaikh rather than a marriage counselor, whilst her husband is aware of it, there's nothing wrong with that. Posting on a public forum like this can be better likened to "the 6 o'clock news" rather than asking the one shaikh. I know a husband and wife who had a rocky relationship, both sought guidance from their Shaikh. They both adhered and they're ok now. And what about seeking marital counsel and help from the local Imam, which is encouraged for couples who are struggling? The Qur'an too advises one to seek an arbitrator if needed. That's in reference to major situations.

In minor situations, if i knew of a lady who did that (i actually do), if it works for her, her husband and it benefits their deen then good. Great for them in fact. Is it my cup of tea? Well no, not at all. But not everyone has the same cup of tea. So long as it works for them and shariah is not violated, there is no issue. The key is that shariah must not be violated.

Nothing wrong with a good old sufi woman. Nothing wrong with a good old sufi man, either.
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#36 [Permalink] Posted on 12th February 2018 19:42
@Abumuhammad

Astaghfirullah...!

Is it true....?
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#37 [Permalink] Posted on 12th February 2018 20:16
Arfatzafar wrote:
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If you mean the BBC article, then yes.

In fact I witnessed 2 locals being shouted at during Tawaf by some young women who were being followed, touched and so on, right in front of the Ka'ba. The police Alhumdulillah, witnessed all this too and caught everything on camera. They were arrested in front of the door of the Ka'ba.
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#38 [Permalink] Posted on 13th February 2018 07:42
abu mohammed wrote:
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How they dared to commit sin at sacred places surprised me.

Also It evinces of their iman being extremely weak
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#39 [Permalink] Posted on 13th February 2018 07:53

Stationed wrote:
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Looking for arbitration when the relationship needs help is not the same as WhatsApping your Shaykh and giving him running commentary. In my opinion most (normal) men will be and are furious.

Talk to most men and they begin to feel the problems with their wife and the Shaykh and it is the reality so no, it is not ok most of the times.

When your wife relies on a 3rd party instead of husband to work things out it almost always causes problems.

It is against the Ghayrah of men no matter how much of a sinner and wrong doer a man is to have his weaknesses announced to another man

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#40 [Permalink] Posted on 13th February 2018 09:11
Recently came to know of a doctor friend whose wife talks to her guide on phone till late and he is considering divorcing her.The wife,when asked not to keep contact with the guide says “we discuss only Din”...They have little children and it will be bad if their marriage is broken :(
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#41 [Permalink] Posted on 13th February 2018 09:33
ALIF wrote:
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salaam

why doesnt the shaikh understand the problem and stop communicating with her?

why doesnt the pious mureeda wife understand that her husband is her amir and do as he asks?
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#42 [Permalink] Posted on 13th February 2018 09:33
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(salam)

Totally understand ur aversion to Sufi Shaikhs and Tasawwuf..

we seem to be two people who have witnessed opposite horizons of same sun.. i saw its rising.. u saw it going down the ocean..

The Shaikh whom i initiated islahi contact with (Hazrat Dr Ali sahab Malpa (rah) ) , inspite of being the founder of the jamia islamia Madrassah, inspite of doing his islahi work for around 70 years or more.. he had a handful mureeds.. and i remember there was a very old woman who claimed to be his Mureeda.. but no confirmation..

He lived in the same old house all the years.. his doors were open.. and most of the time when i went to meet him.. not a single soul at his attendance..

He was a big man.. derived benefit from the company of Shaikh ul Islam Hazrat Maulana Syed Hussain Ahmed Madani (rah) .. Hazrat Maulana Qari Muhammed Tayyib sahab (rah).. Shaikh ul Hadith Hazrat Maulana Zakariyya sahab (rah).. Hazrat Haji Syed HaqdadHussain sahab (rah) (Hazrat Thanwi (rah)'s khalifa, a Person known to work karamah) , Hazrat Maulana Syed Sulaiman Nadwi (rah) and many more.. and he had due correspondence with them through letters..

Ans also had khilafat from his Mashaikh Hazrat Maulana Wasiullah ilahabadi (rah) and Hazrat Maulana Shah Abrarul Haq sahab Hardoi (rah) ..

The ulema who visited our place would lament.. that such a Shaikh ul Mashaikh is present among these people and they do not value him or derive benefit..

let alone talking about dreams.. if i would ever narrate something he said " Hazrat Thanwi (rah) ne farmaya Khwab ke peeche mat bhago " ( saying of Hazrat Thanwi (rah) do not run after dreams..)

I got attached to him in 1993.. many a times requested for bayat.. he would say islah is the motive.. bayat can come later..

And at the fag end of his life gave khilafat to just one Scholar.. who himself had spent a lot of time with Hazrat Maulana Shah Abrarul Haq sahab (rah)

So there was no gatekeeper.. no crowds.. nothing at all.. he would hold dars on fridays after Asr at his house.. and mostly ulema would attend.. no sign of any woman anywhere..

This is the rising Sun of Tasawwuf i witnessed.. and May Allah سبحانه وتعالى keep it rising with Pious ulema and Mashaikh forever.. Ameen..

duas..

wa Assalam..
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#43 [Permalink] Posted on 13th February 2018 09:40
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The issue could be two-fold. i.e. Is the Doctor giving his wife enough time?

Anyway,
I've heard of a case where the husband wasn't giving enough time to his wife, so his wife sought company online. This then eventually went on towards seeking help from the local Mufti. The local Mufti was told that he was also a friend of the husband. This Mufti wanted to know the name of the husband :( Although nothing happened. All got sorted after a short period of time. When the wife mentioned to the husband that she had called the local Mufti - The husband sorted himself out and also set his wife straight and explained that she should not have mentioned any names. Everything should've been kept anonymous...

The issue I saw here was why was this Mufti wanted to know the name of the husband and wanting to know who he was.

This sort of detail is not needed if seeking advice.

In many cases, these ulama, guides, shaykhs etc have a fettish and they feed off this. They think they are immune and the people who go to them think they are ma'soom.
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#44 [Permalink] Posted on 13th February 2018 09:41
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if the contact with the shaikh is minimal and the husband still has control over his own wife then it could work.

but if the contact is too much and the shaikh has complete control of the wife and the wife no longer listens to her husband, then the only way it will work is if the husband is a dayooth.

if the husband is a dayooth and they live like this then the kids tarbiyyah will be affected and they will grow up not respecting their father and his authority as given to him by allah. this will open up a whole can of new worms in regards to the kids.
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#45 [Permalink] Posted on 13th February 2018 09:55
Arfatzafar wrote:
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salaam

why are you so surprised, brother? look around you at whats going on. muftis being outed as gay paedophiles. shaikhs getting intimate with their mureedas. i doubt that some of these people even have any iman left. what kind of person can molest a woman in the holiest of all holy places in front of the house of allah. if a person has no fear of allah there, then where can he fear allah?
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