The last few months have been the worst of my life currently I am in a state where I have to choose whether to commit a Gunaahe kabira just to make things work or make everyones life miserable.
2 years ago I left religion for good due to some personal reasons,
As I wasn’t religious anymore I became open to the idea of having sex with women without marriage.
Last year I met a woman and she asked for sex and we started having physical relationships after just meeting a couple of times. She was not the best of muslims either she had been with a lot of men before me sleeping around with almost anyone she could get her hands on that too in a country like Pakistan. She was a known trickster and had fooled and used a lot of people before me even lied to me a lot at the start regarding a lot of things which eventually I came to know.
I started pitying her and wanted to change her to bring her in accordance with religion and she did start changing. We eventually did a secret nikah I came back to religion and we somehow after a lot of effort convinced our parents to get us married. All through this she got pregnant and we are expecting our marriage in a few months. This will ruin everything for our families our reputation and especially she will never be able to be gel in with my family ever again who are some what religious hence we need to hide the pregnancy somehow.
Now we had a choice of abortion which I was heavily against due to it being a sin and equivalent to murder but the other option of not aborting hurts a lot of people also.
I cannot fully trust her because she has cheated on people previously which puts me in a constant state of stress and has contacted and met one of her ex even while being with me.
I cannot divorce her as it would mean she will have to abort and I will be to blame for that. Now what I am thinking is I marry her we give birth to the child and if everything does not work out then I divorce her but that too seems awful on my part for not being clear to her. I love her and want this to work out but life just seems to get harder and harder. This marriage for one I know now would end up in divorce due to the issues between us but I still have to try to make it work for the sake of the unborn child and her too.
Kindly advise me I know I am paying for the sins I have commited and each day I just realize how Allah has punished me, rightly, for my sins in this world. I don’t want to hurt anyone else if theres a way that only I suffer and all else can just go on as If nothing happened then that is all I would want. Please help I have no idea what to do with my life at this point
Ask Hadrhat Moulana A.S Desai. He will inshaAllah Ta'ala give you sound advice. MK is right as well you have to decide with a yes or no. You will have to take bold steps my friend. One of the rights of children is a good mother. If a person has a women with loose morals around it won't be good. If my understanding is correct you are in Pakistan. Then finding another wife should be fairly easy to help take care of your child. Beg Allah Ta'ala for guidance.
that would be of great help. I am from Lahore I have been searching for a scholar to help us and guide us. The only thing that has kept me going is that Allah has forbidden abortions and although I know it will put a huge financial strain on me dealing with this alone but I know in the end if I have tawakkul I do not need anything else.
1 - Brother, first of all know that if your intention if correct i.e. you really want to change for Allah swt. and you want her to become a better muslim then Allah swt. would be enough for you. He will definitely find you a way
2 - If you believe in above, then forget about divorce for now, focus on making your marriage work. few options are 1- early marriage by saying her parents are not feeling well or you have to go outside of country for work etc etc. 2 - Find a girl who resembles her, her sister or someone, and use her for the official meetings, which should be limited and then go out of country for honeymoon or move to a remote location in the northern areas etc. But you need to observe the rules of shariah as this girl is a-mehram.
This cannot be undone and I am sure it will be greatly appreciated.
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