My husband is a compulsive gambler

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#16 [Permalink] Posted on 24th November 2015 21:11

Don't hesitate sister, call the police.

Depending on where you live, there maybe people who provide help like they do in the UK.

Violence, abuse, threats etc can lead to other things.

If you don't feel safe and can't call the police, ask someone you trust to call in your behalf.

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Actions are judged by intentions, so each man will have what he intended.
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#17 [Permalink] Posted on 24th November 2015 21:35

Leenah wrote:

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I second what the Brother said, you definitely need to call the police...Nobody should be treated in this manner. No one deserves to be treated in this manner you need to put your safety and that of your children first. If your situation has become so frightening and the environment so toxic then you need to remove yourself from this situation.

Go and stay with your sister or other family if possible for your own protection ...If that is not possible and you need some practical advice as to what help and support is available Dr Saeeda and Sister Saba at Birmingham Central Mosque are experienced councellors with years of experience in dealing with these situations please make contact.

www.centralmosque.org.uk/1/services/personal-divorce---kh...

I think your situation has gotten beyond the stage of just making Duas....Spiritual remedies will only work if your Husband is willing to apply them, and make a committed effort to change.

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Abdur Rahman ibn Awf

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#18 [Permalink] Posted on 24th November 2015 21:53

The Following are critical warning signs of Domestic abuse as published by the womens charity Refuge.
www.refuge.org.uk/who-we-are/

What are the signs?

If a woman is forced to change her behaviour because she is frightened of her partner then she is being abused. If she is experiencing any of the following then itâ€™s likely that sheâ€™s being abused:

Is he jealous and possessive?
Does he cut her off from family and friends and try to isolate her?
Is he charming one minute and abusive the next? Does he have sudden changes of mood â€“ like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde?
Does he control her life â€“ for example, her money, who she should see, what she should wear?
Does he monitor her movements?
Does he blame her for the abuse?
Does he humiliate or insult her in front of others?
Does he verbally abuse her?
Does he constantly criticise her?
Does he use anger and intimidation to frighten her and make her comply with his demands?
Does he tell her sheâ€™s useless and couldnâ€™t cope without him?
Has he threatened to hurt her or people close to her if she leaves?
Does she change her behaviour to avoid making him angry?
Does he force her to have sex when she doesnâ€™t want to?
There are many different ways of being abusive. Here are a few examples:

Damaging a womanâ€™s possessions
Smashing up the furniture
Threatening to harm or kill the pets
Threatening to kidnap or get custody of the children if she leaves
Locking her out of the house during an argument
Terrorising her by driving fast or through red lights at high speed because he knows it frightens her
The aim of the behaviour, whether conscious or unconscious â€“ is to take control of the womanâ€™s life. Domestic violence is an abuse of power â€“ itâ€™s all about power and control.
Research

Research released by Refuge highlights a worrying lack of awareness amongst women of the techniques used by violent men to control women*. The research shows that:

81% of women said they received no information about domestic violence when they were at school and yet nearly all of them would have liked to have had lessons about domestic violence
95% of respondents recognised physical abuse as domestic violence but only a quarter of respondents understood the more subtle techniques of control such as jealousy and possessiveness as indicators of domestic violence
Approximately a quarter of all the women questioned had experienced jealousy and possessiveness in an intimate partner relationship
50% of respondents said they had experienced at least one of the warning signs
Of this 50% only one fifth of respondents said they would talk to someone about the abuse â€“ and if they were to talk to someone about their experiences, friends â€“ followed by family â€“ were the most trusted confidantes
* Yougov research, sample size 513, 18-21 year old women, 15-21 July 2008

Sandra Horley CBE, Refuge chief executive, says: â€œTwo women are killed every week by a current or former partner. This is a huge statistic and one that we need to start addressing â€“ and addressing fast if weâ€™re to save lives and protect young women in the future.

â€œIt is essential that women receive the right education and information so they can understand the techniques of control frequently used by abusive men. Itâ€™s all too easy for women to excuse their partnerâ€™s possessive and jealous behaviour â€“ but in so doing they run the risk of the abuse increasing in frequency and severity over time. By understanding the signs early a woman is forewarned and forearmed.

â€œI am heartened to see that so many women would welcome this vital education. Refuge urges the government to put domestic violence education and awareness as a top priority â€“ in so doing we will save lives.â€

Dani, 42, a domestic survivor, says: â€œMy ex was so charming at the start of our relationship that I felt very flattered by him. But after a short time the jealousy started, along with the mood swings where he readily switched from being charming to being abusive.

â€œI lived my life walking on egg shells. I experienced nearly all of the warning signs â€“ I was very closely controlled, criticised and isolated from friends and family. I just didnâ€™t realise that these were the warning signs, I didnâ€™t recognise this as domestic violence. If I had known then what I know now, my life would have been quite different.â€

Refugeâ€™s warning signs campaign has been undertaken free of charge â€“ all creative, media and media spaces have been donated.

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#19 [Permalink] Posted on 25th November 2015 06:23

May Allah help this sister. Law is with her, it can give protection.

But to get her family back, husband needs counseling. He is a parasite, he must keep himself engaged immediately and spend time on productive things.

May be the sister can reach to brothers who spend 40 days in jamaath with her husband, through her father in law or brother in law. One option is; May Allah give hidayah to him, he goes out for 4 months (to keep him engaged and away from local surroundings)

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#20 [Permalink] Posted on 26th November 2015 23:04

JazakAllah for your replies.
I am at my mother in laws house, spending a night with the kids. He told me to get him 150 pounds for his trousers shoes etc. he hasn't even got that much savings... He said if I don't go I will see what will happened, threatening me again. I went to his parents and told them what happened. His dad went to talk to him but he was rude and kept saying he wants all his money( all benefits) in his account and then he will change(stop gambling). He then came to us and took two our sons away with him. I rang him and said if he won't bring them back I will call the police. After 15min he brought them back threatening me that now I Will see a big mess, then messaged me blaming me for everything and that he will kill himself and it will be my fault.
I am spending the night safely but tomorrow I want to be safe aswell and I know everything is in Allah's hands.
I am from UK, Birmingham is one hour away from me.
Does any one know what should I do?
Should I go to some shelter? Is there any for muslim women with kids? Please suggest anything. Jamat is a good option but at the moment I can't see he will agree. He just wants money....

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Leenah

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#21 [Permalink] Posted on 27th November 2015 00:08

There are plenty of places you can go to.

I don't have details at the moment, but there is a place in London where Muslim women are taken care of. InshaAllah I will either get further details or get one of the brothers to post a link here or some details.

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Actions are judged by intentions, so each man will have what he intended.
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#22 [Permalink] Posted on 27th November 2015 00:51

Here is a Link to the Amirah Foundation, based in Birmingham www.amirahfoundation.org/ They help women who are in similar situations to yourself.

Insha'Allah phone them and they will be able to advise accordingly. They can help with emergency shelter, benefits, and permanent accommodation, also help with Legal protection order, to prevent your Husband from making direct contact.

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Abdur Rahman ibn Awf

#23 [Permalink] Posted on 27th November 2015 05:32

Quote:

Please suggest anything. Jamat is a good option but at the moment I can't see he will agree. He just wants money....

We are waiting for some one to speak to him. I am hopeful that if some one elderly other than your near relatives speak to him, whom he can speak about his problems, his violent nature can be controlled.

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#24 [Permalink] Posted on 1st December 2015 09:30

Assalam., I have contacted amirahsfoundation but unfortunately they didn't have space for me and my four kids. They suggested to inform police and go to local council to ask for accommodation....
I have spend few days at my mother in law house but now I'm back to where I live with my husband. I was ready to go on after weekend but m y in laws said if I want to leave him I have to first go back and ring police from my house so that it's not like they let me go and then been blamed by my husband they'helped me'. So I'm back with some agreements my husband accepted but can easily break all promises as he did before. So all I can do now is to make dua's and helpfully Allah will guide me.

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#25 [Permalink] Posted on 1st December 2015 09:37

Leenah wrote:

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I pray your actions have demonstrated to him that you will not take any more abuse from him and that you're capable of taking any action required for the safety of your kids and yourself.

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#26 [Permalink] Posted on 1st December 2015 10:02

Leenah wrote:

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Our duas are with you sister. May Allah SWT give hidayah to your husband.

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#27 [Permalink] Posted on 2nd December 2015 10:21

Leenah wrote:

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W-Salam,

I am just asking Sisters at Amirah for further guidance and counselling and what help can be provided to you. and will update this thread later.

Jzk

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http://www.central-mosque.com/

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#28 [Permalink] Posted on 2nd December 2015 11:30

Leenah wrote:

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W-Salam,

Sister replied as follows:

Amirah provides various Services including counselling and it is provided free of charge. Sister needs to call and book for a session.

I didn't tell them anything about you or the issue but just asked a general question, under the circumstances it would be a good idea for you to book a session and see if you husband will be willing to go along as it will make your arrangements be backed in writing.

Jzk

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There is no Plan B!

http://www.central-mosque.com/

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#29 [Permalink] Posted on 10th April 2016 22:56

Salam.. I really hoped I won't need to write here anymore.
After all your replies I decided to leave him after another bad incident. I enter to my friends house and rang a lady who t old me to come next morning. I can't write who and where I went due but your replies helped me alot, alhamdulillah. ..but I came back to him after he agreed to go for hypnotherapy to stop gambling. And everything was so good alhamdulillah now I know how it feels to have a husband without addiction. How normal life can be, how free of worris you can feel, and how peaceful it is. Thouh

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Leenah

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#30 [Permalink] Posted on 10th April 2016 23:21

Basically he started gambling again one-two months ago. Last week had bad argument he wanted money,child tax credit, hit me on the head and kicked me on leg while h E was hold ding quran swearing he will do something to me. I had my two years old son in my lap. I left the house shaking holding my son, rang my husbands sister to a AK what to do.asked his dad. But they don't know what to do.they won't advise me to leave him, won't help in leaving him. Why is it so hard to make that move. I know I am scared to do it, I have four small kids and no one to help, no money. Again ringing help homes it might go on the record and social services are not good I guess. I wish Allah give me strength to make right decIsions and save my children from witnessing bad behaviour.

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Leenah

My husband is a compulsive gambler

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