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Is friendship both ways?

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Yasin
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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 19th March 2015 12:14
(salam)

Is friendship both ways?

Do you think it can be one way?

I actually need this info for a current work project. So no Islamic perspective required. Just human nature.

So is it possible for me to be abu mohammed's friend but abu mohammed does not consider me to be a friend? This is just an example, in reality he loves me a little too much.

Feedback appreciated. Feel free to get all technical and philosophical about it if needed. Jzk
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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 19th March 2015 12:25
Hmmmm....been going through some major life changes recently, those I considered to be close friends turned out to be quite distant, and those I had a distant friendship with were the first ones to help me pick up the pieces.

Some ppl I met more recently became the type of friends like I had known all my life, and I had only met through certain related issues. Coincidence? Well I'm glad for who is and isn't in my life at the moment. Alhamdulillah

Friendships I considered to be close I would say were friendships of 10yrs, 15yrs and some more.
That's life hey.

I think friendship can be two way, depending on the character of personality...but I've noticed some people have a persona where the world revolves around themselves, hence are unable to empathise with other people.

With some people it's one way, it's a draining friendship. With some people it two way and I believe these are the best friendships. Yes friendship can be two way.
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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 19th March 2015 12:35
Absolutely possible and happens all the time. You never know who your friends are until you need them. You consider people friends and then you need their help and rely on their support they either let you down, back stab you or are curiously absent during your hour of need only to emerge when you don't need them anymore.

Also when you are financially doing well OR have positions of influence you seem to develop a lot of friends.
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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 19th March 2015 12:47
Muadh_Khan wrote:
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Perfect. Just the summary I needed to confirm my view which was the same. That friendship is not by default both ways.

I remembered two quotes, one was something about how a true friend is tested when you need help moving houses.

And another similar but about being dropped off or picked up from airport.
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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 19th March 2015 13:12

Ask someone something and all of a sudden you don't get a respond. 3 Weeks later they respond apologizing that they were busy etc the same guy is on WhatsApp at 03:50 everyday. He is replying on forums updating his blog but absent when you need something.:)

Alhumdolillah I don't need anything for myself but its usually for the Mosque or for some other Muslim or Islamic cause and happens to me all the time.

People whom I consider friends don't respond.

Example 1:

A business man "friend" asks and makes public statements that Deobandees need to get into Media and have Internet Radios etc. So I approach him about "Muftisays" and Maulana Yasin and donating to them.

No response and conspicuously missing from Salah or always in a hurry.

2 weeks later I purposely catch him about Muftisays…Well I don’t know who this Maulana Yasin is, not sure about it…

Give him Maulana’s number, no update again for 2 weeks.

2 weeks later I purposely catch him about Muftisays…Well lost the number give it to me again…

Give him the number again…

2 weeks later I don’t mention Muftisays or Maulana Yasin just chit-chat

Our relationship is back to normal see him regularly, replies to everything no issues.

Example 2:

One of the leading Shaykhs in UK tells his Mureeds “Muadh Khan” is like my son. I give 1 pound to my kids and Muadh Khan every 10th of Muharram. You are my Mureeds but he is my true friend! You are Mureeds but he is family!

Tells you to pick him up and chill out or take him to the Tours with you etc etc etc

Don’t attend Majalis; don’t become Ba’yt the same Shaykh doesn’t even bother finding out whether “Muadh Khan” is dead or alive for years...

:P

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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 19th March 2015 13:27
Friends and Family One of my favs. I don't normally post in W.O.W. But this is an exception.
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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 19th March 2015 17:03
It can be one sided.. Your friend has a bad temper but you don't.. So she gets mad everytime and you have to remain calm..
She doesn't talks but you text her often.. She is lazy.m you ain't.. But when you meet you are like sisters..
But at the same time.. There are people who aren't friends but just people you know some what well.. And get along well with them..but they aren't friends.. Not your type...
One really important thing in friendship is that both people know how to keep secrets.. If they don't... Then that becomes a problem.. That's an essential thing..
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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 19th March 2015 17:28
muslim11 wrote:
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I wasn't going to really say much here because its down to every individual and their way of thinking.

There are some people like myself who don't keep much of a form of "constant" contact with most people but when the time comes, they are there to help in every possible way, no matter what.

It's not necessarily friendship, but affection (as this is not going to be an islamic discussion). On the one side, we have people with a clean and pure heart who others consider as gullible and take advantage of but these people are not gullible, they are sincere in their intentions and only want to be helpful as one day when they are in need, there will be someone there for them and wish only to please Allah (see it is Islamic :)) Many have the correct opinion of what goes round comes round, but when the time comes, they themselves become very selfish.

Personally, I see myself as the one who has very few social friends, but always there for everyone and anyone and in return the respect and acknowledgement is always there and there is never any bad mouthing whatsoever and for me that's important.

If you can protect yourself from gheebah from others, then it doesn't matter if the other person is your friend only because he is in need.

They may not win your love/friendship but they definitely don't receive a taste of their own medicine it and that's what should count I guess, but that's just me and my way. Keeping the heart clean may keep you away from others, but those other most definitely know who you are and what you are worth.

One sided friendship has its benefits and a piece of mind - two sided friendship is bonus Alhumdulillah.
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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 19th March 2015 17:52
abu mohammed wrote:
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I guess what I'm saying or feel like i've said is like that of the Sunnah of the Prophet (saw)

He (saw) made everyone feel like he was their BEST Friend, if that is one sided friendship to the extreme, then it's a beautiful thing, wouldn't you say. Of course the companions love Him (saw) dearly too, but as an example of how He (saw) made others feel, regardless.
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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 05:08
(salam)

Most of the things mentioned here are just 'dynamics' inside a friendship. Doesn't mean that person is not a friend of yours. Friendship does NOT mean that that person want to be in your company at all times. Often a person is not in a mood to spend time with 'friends' or dislike a particular aspect of that friend.

Its not always 'all or none'.

What Maulana mentioned about 'one sided friendship' is a different thing. Can happen in 2 senarios:
- Some people just do not know how to say no, so they end up being in company with a person who considers him to be a friend of his, but not vice versa. This usually happens in school and college life, when you are bound to meet that person everyday.

- Other senario which is more common is when time passes by, some people just stop being friends in the heart with a particular person. But they might hang around each other due to the momentum or since they have common friends. Often the other person won't realize this and thinks he is still a friend of his.

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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 22nd March 2015 15:09
Friendship can be one-sided and mostly friendship is more from one side than the other as is a husband/wife relationship. But a more successful relationship is where both sides give and take without measuring. This does not mean that it cannot be successful as there are selfless individuals out there.
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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 22nd March 2015 15:11
By the way the best friend is he/she who guides you towards the good and keeps you away from the bad.
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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 22nd March 2015 15:46
I think people often confuse acquaintances and friends, and this is where people often get it wrong.

Not every person that shakes your hand is your friend.


Count your true friends on your right hand and most likely you'll still have fingers to spare.

With time a lot changes and often it's your circle of friends too especially when you change, become religious, career, mentality, goals, aims etc they all come into play.
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