A very important subject reagarding the upbringing of children in the West..........
Hakeemul-Ummah Hazrat Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi (rahmatullahi alahi) used to say, : 'When someone becomes my follower, my main concern and worry is not to reform that person, instead my first concern is to embed my love in that persons heart since if he loves me, he will obey me.' Similarly, once the child loves his parents, he will be prepared to do anything for them. To get angry with one's child and to chase him out of the home may not be an effective form of punishment. In fact in many cases the child will be too happy to be away from the angry nagging parents. Yes, if the child loves the parent, then the slight displeasure of the parent is sufficient to stop the child from further displeasing the parent. In this era we need to "beat" our children with love, mercy and kindness or else we may loose them.
Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat (hafizahullah) has often mentioned that children need love, respect and friendship. If they do not get it at home they will search for it elsewhere and in doing this they are more than likely to end up with the wrong friendships. Shaykh Riyaadhul Haqq has also mentioned the subject of how children are put under tremendous pressure even where their Deeni education is concerned.
Harsh treatment and harsh words creates resentment and even enmity in the hearts of children and in the West one hears of young boys and even young girls leaving home with financial and other support from the government (Through working with young women I personally have known three such cases in recent years). It is our own children who lose out! Disciplining should be done with love and firmness without harshness and violence.
These teachings of our Mashaikh are taken from no other source than the teachings and example of our beloved Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam. May Allah subhaanahu wata'ala grant us the tawfeeq to appreciate the blessings of children and grant us beautiful akhlaaq with them, aameen.
May Allah make us all an example of love respect and friendship towards our children ameen so that they return it in the same way outside...This topic really touched me because I am at times very harsh with my son :( I Know its wrong and he rebels when i scream at him, but there are times when I am just helpless and feel its better he feels bad when I am harsh (eventually I will love him no matter what), instead of otehrs calling him by names ....
Allahuma ameen! I went to a seminar today on how to teach in accordance to the sunnah and though It was about teaching in general I found that every single thing mufti saheb said could he used to teach our children. One of the things he mentioned was that the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam never spoke a harsh word. He was always soft In the way he taught. He also mentioned when we reprimand with harshness it can sometimes have a lifetime of hurt in the childs heart. so reprimand but within the sunnah. :).
Don't be too harsh on yourself or your son, you will find much content within yourself. :). When he displeases you then explain to him how Allah Is sad with him because you are sad and when allah Is sad he does.not give what we want. In the same way when he pleases you tell him Allah is happy because you are happy and ask him to make du'aa to Allah swt to give him what he wants. :). I do tis with my daughter and It works wonders. She understands what she has done is wrong and we have no tears or at least not many and we don't have to go through the same behaviour again. :) alhumdulillah.
mashallah sister taqwa... Will try and do the same with my son too. He does feel sorry after he has done things.. alhamdulillah he does not have the habit of screaming shouting beating in school. All his teachers say hes an adorable and a loving child mashallah only that hes xtremely mischevious. But at home he screams and shouts and raises hands on me when hes very angry just because I have taken something from him or I refuse to give him chocolates( since a doctor asked me to stop his sweets after 3pm so that it reduces his hyperactiveness)... And since I stay in a joint family they call him by names when they see him react this way. He keeps telling me ammi I am a good boy .. he expects me to give him ample of time (I know its his right) but I am unable to.
... And since I stay in a joint family they call him by names when they see him react this way.
With regard to the name calling, may be a little advice to them and your children.The link below contains some very detailed information. www.muftisays.com/forums/people-s-say/6143/sticks-stones-... tell my kids and I do it my self, if you are being taunted or being cursed or called names, just ignore it because the angels will reply for you, but as soon as you say something, the angels run away. The kids get happy on hearing that.
This cannot be undone and I am sure it will be greatly appreciated.
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