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Sticks & Stones Will Break My Bones....

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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 28th September 2011 15:19

(This thread is for Mohammed Saif-Ullah)

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never harm me!

WRONG, THIS IS KUFFAR THINKING.

How many of us have heard this phrase before, specialy at school.

The reason I bring this up is because I have come across this issue a lot recently. Children go to their elders and tell them of people calling them names, and that too by Muslim children. What do the elders advice, "Never mind, you are strong and brave, remember sticks and stones....."

This is rubbish.

The idea of a brotherhood in Islam entails more than just calling each other "brother" and "sister". One of the essential elements of a stable Islamic brotherhood is to fulfill the rights of others. For most of us "fulfilling the rights of others" makes us think about feeding the poor, helping the orphans, and other such charitable endeavors. But there's another group of rights owed a little closer to home which we often neglect.

According to the Noble Qur'an and our beloved Salaf (peace be upon them), it is possible to transgress against others by mocking and insulting them as well as picking at their faults. In fact, this spiritual disease of hurting other believers is widespread amongst our communities, a grave sin we must not commit under any circumstance.

         How about a different approach, an Islamic approach.         

I tell the children that they should thank those people who are calling them names, Why? I hear you say. Because this is a form of Gheebah. As per the Hadith below

The Prophet (peace be upon him) defines backbiting in the following way, and his definition is preferred over any other:

He said: “Do you know what backbiting is?”

They said: “Allah and His Messenger know best.”

He said: “It is to mention about your brother something that he would dislike having mentioned about him.” [Sahîh Muslim (2589)]

Al-Nawawî comments [al-Adhkâr]:
Mentioning about your brother something that he would dislike includes what concerns his body, his religious practice, his worldly station, his physical appearance, his moral character, his wealth, his parents, his children, his spouse, his servant, his clothing, his activities, his smiles and frowns and anything else that pertains to him. It does not matter if you mention it explicitly by word or implicitly by indication or a gesture.

 

So back to why one should thank the other for calling him names, well lets see the next Hadith:

AbuHurayrah Narrates: Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) said: Do you know who is poor? The Companions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A poor man amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The poor of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakat but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire. Sahih Muslim: Book 31, Number 6251

So I say to the little kids, if they are calling you names, they are giving all their Thawab/Rewards to you and they are taking away all your sins, so you should thank them and at the same time apologise because you cant thank them enough.

Schools and Madresah's alike should teach their students the importance of looking after their tongue. Infact, it should be drilled into them. Imagine how life would be if we had all been taught the beautiful Hadith and verses of the Quran at a young age. Kids should learn the dangers about the evils of the tongue as this is going to be one of the biggest reasons we will go to Hell for.

I teach my children this Hadith which Alhumdulillah has benefited us very much.

Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri (radiallahu anh) said: The Prophet (salallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, "When the son of Adam gets up in the morning, all the limbs humble themselves before the tongue and say: `Fear Allah for our sake because we are with you: (i.e., we will be rewarded or punished as a result of what you do) if you are straight, we will be straight; and if you are crooked, we will become crooked.'''
[At-Tirmidhi]

Our Prophet warns us to be careful of our tongues and what we say. He also encouraged us with the rewards we get for doing so.

Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is between his two legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 76, Number 481:

Allah tells us in the Quran:

Evil words are for evil men, and evil men are [subjected] to evil words. And good words are for good men, and good men are [an object] of good words. Those [good people] are declared innocent of what the slanderers say. For them is forgiveness and noble provision.Surah Nur Verse 26.

 

 

Narrated Anas: The Prophet said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 1, Book 2, Number 12.

What about the statement, " If you can't say something good, say nothing at all." Here it is in our beloved Prophet's words.

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should talk what is good or keep quiet, and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (or insult) his neighbour..." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 76, Number 482.

Abu Musa Al-Ash`ari (radiallahu anh) reported: I asked the Messenger of Allah (salallahu 'alayhi wa sallam): "Who is the most excellent among the Muslims?'' He said, "One from whose tongue and hands the other Muslims are secure.''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

It is reported that Al-Hasan Al-Basrî (rahmatullahi alaih) said:

'The intelligent person’s tongue is behind his heart: when he wants to speak, he first thinks. If [his words] will be in his favour, he says them, and if they will be against him, he does not speak. And the ignorant person’s heart is behind his tongue: when he merely thinks of saying something, he says it, whether it is for or against him.'
[Abû Bakr Al-Daynûrî, Al-Mujâlasah wa Jawâhir Al-’Ilm article 2049]

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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 28th September 2011 15:24
abu mohammed wrote:
Schools and Madresah's alike should teach their students the importance of looking after their tongue. Infact, it should be drilled into them. Imagine how life would be if we had all been taught the beautiful Hadith and verses of the Quran at a young age. Kids should learn the dangers about the evils of the tongue as this is going to be one of the biggest reasons we will go to Hell for.


Why not pass this onto your childrens Islamic School ar Madresah, maybe they will consider it and teach it as a very important topic. The Schools could mention it in their assemblies regularly.

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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 28th September 2011 15:32

"taalibah 4 life!" wrote:

SINS OF THE TONGUE
By: Ahmed


You think its cool to be a clown
And with the girls/ guys you fool around

Without a thought for your Lord
The mouth opens, tongue like a sword

With a few fast words
You cut to pieces those silly 'nerds'

They stand stunned and humiliated
In their hearts they are disgusted

While you laugh at them aloud
Standing with your friends all proud

O fellow Muslim, be careful of what you say
For soon will come Judgement day

Those whom you did wrong
Will come to Allah along

Justice they will seek
That day you will be the geek

From your good deeds they will transfer
And when you have no more left to give another

Then upon you will be placed their sins
Soon after your eternal life begins

To hellfire you will be shown
And deep inside you will be thrown

O Muslim,
Change now whilst you have the chance and time
Resolve to commit not with your tongue this crime!

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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 28th September 2011 15:55
Surah Hujarat Verse 11 onwards

يأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ

49:11 O you who believe!

لاَ يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌ مِّن قَوْمٍ عَسَى أَن يَكُونُواْ خَيْراً مِّنْهُمْ

Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former.

وَلاَ نِسَآءٌ مِّن نِّسَآءٍ عَسَى أَن يَكُنَّ خَيْراً مِّنْهُنَّ

Nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former.

وَلاَ تَلْمِزُواْ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَلاَ تَنَابَزُواْ بِالاٌّلْقَـبِ بِئْسَ الاسْمُ الْفُسُوقُ بَعْدَ الايمَانِ

Nor defame yourselves, nor insult one another by nicknames. Evil is the name of wickedness after faith.

وَمَن لَّمْ يَتُبْ فَأُوْلَـئِكَ هُمُ الظَّـلِمُونَ

And whosoever does not repent, then such are indeed wrongdoers.

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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 28th September 2011 15:59

The Prohibition of mocking and ridiculing One Another

Explanation of the above verses.

Allah the Exalted forbids scoffing at people, which implies humiliating and belittling them. In the Sahih, it is recorded that the Messenger of Allah said,

الْكِبْرُ بَطَرُ الْحَقِّ وَغَمْصُ النَّاس

Arrogance is refusing the truth and belittling people.

And in another Version

غَمْطُ النَّاس

And despising people,

It is forbidden to scoff at and belittle people, for the injured party could be more honored and dearer to Allah the Exalted than those who ridicule and belittle them.

This is why Allah the Exalted said,

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَسْخَرْ قَومٌ مِّن قَوْمٍ عَسَى أَن يَكُونُوا خَيْرًا مِّنْهُمْوَلَا نِسَاء مِّن نِّسَاء عَسَى أَن يَكُنَّ خَيْرًا مِّنْهُنَّ ...

O you who believe!

Let not a group scoff at another group; it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former.

thus, stating this prohibition for men and then women.

The statement of Allah the Exalted,

... وَلَا تَلْمِزُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ ...

Nor defame yourselves,

forbids defaming each other. He among men who is a slanderer, and a backbiter, is cursed and condemned as Allah states

وَيْلٌ لِّكُلِّ هُمَزَةٍ لُّمَزَةٍ

Woe to every Humazah, Lumazah, (104:1)

Hamz is defamation by action, while Lamz is by words.

Allah the Exalted and Most Honored said,

هَمَّازٍ مَّشَّآءِ بِنَمِيمٍ

Hammaz (defaming), going about with slander. (68:11)

meaning, he belittles and defames people, transgressing and spreading slander among them, which is the Lamz that uses words as its tool.

Allah's statement here, وَلَا تَلْمِزُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ  (Nor defame yourselves), just as He said in another Ayah,

وَلاَ تَقْتُلُواْ أَنفُسَكُمْ

Nor kill yourselves, (4:29), meaning, nor kill one another.

Abdullah bin Abbas, Mujahid, Sa`id bin Jubayr, Qatadah and Muqatil bin Hayyan said that the Ayah,

 وَلَا تَلْمِزُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ(Nor defame yourselves), means, none of you should defame each other,'

while,

 ... وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا بِالْأَلْقَابِ ...(...nor insult one another by nicknames...) means, `you should not address people by nick names that people dislike.'

Imam Ahmad recorded that Abu Jabirah bin Ad-Dahhak said,

"This Ayah was revealed about us, Banu Salamah; وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا بِالْأَلْقَابِ(nor insult one another by nicknames), When the Messenger of Allah migrated to Al-Madinah, every man among us had two or three nicknames. When the Prophet called a man by one of these nicknames, people would say, `O Allah's Messenger! He hates that nickname.' Then this Ayah, وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا بِالْأَلْقَاب  (nor insult one another by nicknames) was revealed.''

Abu Dawud also collected this Hadith.

The statement of Allah the Exalted and Most Honored,

... بِئْسَ الاِسْمُ الْفُسُوقُ بَعْدَ الْإِيمَانِ...

Evil is the name of wickedness after faith,

means, the names and descriptions of wickedness are evil; meaning, `to use the nicknames that were used by the people of Jahiliyyah, after you embraced Islam and understood it,'

... وَمَن لَّمْ يَتُبْ ...

And whosoever does not repent,

means, from this sin,

... فَأُوْلَئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ﴿١١﴾

then such are indeed wrongdoers.

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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 30th September 2011 01:05
MashaAllah, and Jazakallah to those who have taken this seriously and tackled the issue the very next day. Jazakallah for your emails. May Allah reward you all.

This is/was not personally aimed at anyone, I had emailed this to many people of authority with the intention that it could bring about a change in our youngsters.

And from what I have heard, Alhumdulillah.
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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 24th June 2012 23:56
A little reminder for those who are going through this phase of life with name calling.

A very important topic that must be dealt with correctly.
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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 25th June 2012 00:54
Subhanallah I did not know this post existed! This is excellent.

I've been teaching for quite a few years now and I often remind the children of the hadeeth about who a strong muslim is,

however the sad case is that even though being muslims alot of parents teach their children that if a person hurts you, you hurt them back!

Also some parents do not deal with the childs behaviour either. When told your child keeps hurting people they simply say s/he is still little. They'll learn when they grow up. -_-.

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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 25th June 2012 04:50
The biggest problems occur when parents (and grandparents) think a child is too young to be disciplined. A one year old can be disciplined with a simple "no" - they won't rebel. I have seen how much better kids turn out when they're told off (mildly). I have seen parents sit by while their child is hitting another kid like it's nothing. Those kids eventually become impossible to control and I cannot see how the child can be blamed for that. This is a lengthy issue to which I'll give my input soon inshaAllah.
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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 25th June 2012 10:47
That is very true. I believe with kids you have to go to some length in order for them to turn out the way you want. Whatever you Instill when they are young will stay with them forever Insha allah
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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 11th August 2013 23:37
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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 14th January 2019 05:25
abu mohammed wrote:
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This is what the scientists of soul teach. This is what tazkiyah is. This is what akhlaq is. Maktab and khanqah must combine. Fiqh and Adab must combine. Shariat and Tariqat must combine. Don't rush in producing dars e nizami graduates. Focus on quality instead. Increase the duration from 8 to 20 years. Few but able Mukhalis and practicing ulema are better than mediocre non practicing ones. Whether it's TJ, Madrassah or other institutions, why the focus is on mass graduation production? Also if the course is lengthen, it is likely that non mukhlis will be discouraged to join and only the dedicated and qualified ones will continue.
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